Emotional Support Pervert

As a person who has always had an unusual interest in sex and sexuality, and a high sex drive to match…I’ve often felt othered by my peers and culturally pressured to suppress that aspect of myself.

In fact, the stigmatization is so bad it took me almost 30 years to notice that all the words we have to talk about highly sexual people are exclusively for disordered sexuality. This led me to work on creating an identity and flag for people like me, who are highly sexual, but not in a way that negatively impacts life.

Flag Meaning

Green represents consent, communication and respect. It takes up the most space, and is in the center because consent is the foundation of healthy sexuality.

Purple represents sensuality, intimacy and vulnerability

Warm pink represents physicality, carnality and play

Black represents support for risk-aware consensual kink exploration

FAQ

What is extrasexual and what is supersexual? Megasexual??
The terms can be used interchangeably. A supersexual, extrasexual or megasexual person is someone who is highly sexual, but not in a way that is causing them distress or damaging their life. This is contrasted with hypersexuality, which is a medical term meant for people who have a disordered relationship with their high sex drive. Extrasexual people can be slutty, or desire to be slutty, or they may just hold sex and sexuality as a hyper-fixation. If sex is such an important part of your life that demonization of sex negatively impacts you: this identity may be for you.

Isn’t that just ‘horny’?
While it’s true that extrasexual, supersexual or megasexual people are often horny, the word horny is not an identity, it’s a feeling. As such, people of all identities, (even some ace people) can feel horny. Extrasexuality, megasexuality and supersexuality are terms exclusively for people with a much higher than average sex drive or interest in sex/sexuality.

Why do these identities need to exist?
First, to combat stigma. The stigmatization of sex and the people who are passionate about sex in our culture is often so pervasive that it’s invisible. It’s easier to bring attention and respect to these issues if we have terms that people can take seriously.
Second, to create community. It’s useful to have terms and a flag to rally under, so people who have suffered in similar ways can connect and offer each other the kind of support you can only get from people who understand your experience directly.

Are extrasexual, supersexual and/or megasexual 'queer’? Are we doing LGBTQIAES+ now???
No. Though many queer people are also extrasexual/supersexual, having a high sex drive alone is not enough to warrant inclusion under those labels. While extrasexual, megasexual and supersexual people experience stigma and shame for who they are, that shame is not rooted in homophobia. The communities can support one another effectively as allies.

What ways are extrasexual/supersexual/megasexual people stigmatized?
To begin with, many of the world’s largest religions mandate modesty, chastity and sexual purity. Women in particular are considered heathens or sinners for engaging in perfectly consensual and safe sex, especially outside of marriage. All throughout human history women have been stoned to death, burned alive and otherwise killed in the name of sexual purity. Even today, many women feel extreme shame about their own bodies, and guilt for enjoying sex.

Men are often expected to be extrasexual, even when they are not. They’re pressure to pursue sex in unhealthy and coersive ways in order to establish social standing. As a result, men who are extrasexual may be rewarded if they are considered conventionally attractive and socially intelligent in their social circles. For extrasexual men who are not considered conventionally attractive, or live with nuerodivergency like autism however, are likely to be considered inherently predatory if they even mention sex.

Sexuality has also been legally controlled in a myriad of ways, from the criminalization of sex work, to decency laws controlling what types of bodies can even appear in porn. 

Aren’t overly sexual people dangerous?
Anyone, regardless of their personal relationship with sex can violate consent. Consent is especially important when it comes to the topic of sex and sexuality because bodies are highly personal to us. While sex has the potential to be a very intimate and bonding experience, it’s that same vulnerability that can create risk. Many people have had experiences where their bodies were not respected, and as a result have been hurt or now live with trauma. Being extrasexual/supersexual/megasexual is NEVER an excuse not to respect consent. That’s why the color green, representing consent, is in the center of the extrasexual/supersexual/megasexual pride flag, and also takes up the most space. It’s the absolute foundation of a strong community that prioritizes reducing harm.

Sadly, it’s the stigmatization of sex that has led people to feel afraid to have the open dialogues that are required for creating a strong consent culture. It’s led people to feel ashamed to seek help when something has happened to them.  https://www.consent.academy/book.html is an invaluable resource on how we can work together to build a consent culture that works for everyone, supersexual/extrasexual/megasexual or otherwise.

themainspoon:

themainspoon:

were–ralph:

were–ralph:

at the risk of sounding like a boomer i dont get gooning

like is it just jacking it multiple times a day or is there something im missing here

From what I understand it originally referred to a specific fetish, but it got stolen and is now just the new way to call someone something akin to “porn addict”, “degenerate” or anything else to that effect.

To talk about the original fetish though, from what I understand it’s a response to all the “porn addiction” hysteria. Basically, the idea that consuming this content can turn you into some sort of brain-dead pleasure drone who only wants to keep consuming. Essentially, Gooners (the fetishists themselves) are a bunch of people who think that it would be really hot if porn addiction was a real thing. I’ve seen it compared to hypno, except instead of another person it’s the content itself that is doing the hypnosis. The whole idea of getting a bunch of monitors and having porn on all of them, or hiding away in a “goon cave” isn’t actually about the porn itself. It’s about the idea of it, the idea of having your brain turned to mush as you melt into being a hedonistic drone concerned only with your own pleasure, enslaved by the fake world on the other side of the screen, able only to make yourself feel good.

I remembered seeing this image floating around here a while ago because people found it amusing, but I went looking for it again because I think it’s a good example of the whole phenomenon:

I myself am not a gooner. I am not a primary source on this matter, so take what I have to say with a grain of salt. But I do have respect for them, to see a whole ass moral panic and then to decide to touch your junk about it shows the unstoppable drive of humanity. That you can never keep a horny person down. It’s counter cultural and subversive, a celebration of what is scorned that does not try to make itself acceptable, but instead leverages its unacceptability to push into new territory. Gooners are majestic animals and they have my respect.

It does suck that people keep ruining kink/fetish terms. It’s one of my more niche takes, and one I don’t talk about much, but I do kind of lowkey think that Charli XCX owes the kink community an apology for what she did to the word “Brat”. That shit must be hell for all the actual Brats out there.

(via strawberry-crocodile)

doe-eyed-disaster:

lesbianchemicalplant:

comptop is a transmisogynistic dynamic that exists and is good to be aware of, but I don’t think the correct response is to assume any given trans woman you encounter is in need of being Saved From Topping

what if you didn’t assume what she wants, and instead listened to her as her own woman with her own particular needs and interests

please. can we please not assume out of the gate that she needs to hear the Good News about bottoming, or pathologize her if she does enjoy topping, or make assumptions about her relationships/partners

again, it’s good to be aware of comptop, but I don’t think this is the right course-correction to make

it’s missing the “don’t assume, listen to her” forest for the comptop trees

related: as someone who exclusively enjoys bottoming for other trans women and is prone to overthinking things, there’s this whole fucked up genre of thoughts that are like “am i abusing my partners by forcing them to top me?”. that kind of thinking is so corrosive and ultimately it feels like it’s my own internalized shit telling me that i should be topping, even though i won’t enjoy it (the comp top is coming from inside the house!)

you’ve gotta listen to your partners. you can be sensitive to the pressures of being a trans woman but it’s infantilizing to prioritize those assumptions over her actual preferences and it can warp your thinking in weird ways. if she tells you what she likes, you kinda need to trust her

(via zadiyaspeaks-blog)

the-sensitive-sadist:

Groping is just better when it’s humiliating and disrespectful and hedonistic. Pushing you against a wall and covering your mouth while I grab at your chest. Forcefully spinning you around and bending you over so I can get a better grip on your ass. Pulling your hair to force your head back so I can wrap my hand around your neck. Slapping you across the face while I explore the inside of your thighs. Invading your personal space, stripping you of your dignity and autonomy, until you’re my dumb, needy grope slut, begging me to use you.

(via the-sensitive-sadist)

bigwarmround:

hey hypno people, you’ve GOT to start putting flashing warnings on shit

thankfully I don’t have a seizure reaction to it, but it gives me a damn bad headache

part of being kinky is knowing what will actually HARM people, and those flashing gifs can send someone into a seizure, which, among other, less bad things, could potentially kill them 🤷🏻

so maybe think about that when posting/reblogging hypno stuff. carry on! just take care of your fellow kinksters 💜

and please REBLOG this to spread it around, likes are lovely, but dont get the message to any other blogs

(via wireplaymesmerism)

littlespacecase:

Tell Congress: No More Tax Dollars for ICE & CBP

Urge your representatives to reject more money for ICE detention.

act.nilc.org

TELL CONGRESS TO STOP FUNDING ICE AND CBP

pocket-watcher:

How do you like your Hypnokink?

90% hypnosis, 10% sex

75% hypnosis, 25% sex

50/50

25% hypnosis, 75% sex

90% sex, 10% hypnosis

(via hypnodin)

spicymancer:

Gorgon Aftercare

From the notes of Monster Researcher Eclair. (Though Andie takes the lead on this particular research project.)

This is the bookend to the Gorgon comic

Keep reading

(via meltedslime-chimaera)

ace-trainer-alice:

Honestly, I don’t really think this counts as ‘mindbreak’ because your mind clearly still works. Like, do you call your phone broken because you’re screen’s cracked, or because I installed a new operating system? I guess some people do, whatever. In any case, I’m a believer in having a growth mentality. So we’ve got a good bit more to put you through. See if we can’t get you the rest of the way there.

(via ace-trainer-alice)