well i feel myself going up a emotional roller coaster. when im with my family and just by myself on xbox i feel happy and i am also happy somtimes online. but when i see art of some people i watch and have chatted with i just feel super mega sad for the fact i have annoyed them to the point i lost them. i feel this searing pain in my heart and i just wanna curl up and cry. i care deeply for my online friends and i just unknowingly pushed them away. it hurts so bad. i just again wanna cry. i dont know what to do. im not able to apologies cause i caused them to ignore me and its imposable. i dont know what to do. i know this is another emo type journal and you can ignore it if you want. but writing these helps get the thoughts out so i can maybe heal. who knows. i just feel like a failure as a friend and a furry.