my name is Zelda Diane Amarita MacNamaer. my SecondLife name is Annabella Cerveau. i am Owned and Loved by Xarious Edo.

today was a trying day for me, where i discovered one more reason not to drink and i shared fully the feelings i have for my sister, Cecily.

i learned today that when i drink, i get lonely. my isolation in RL becomes enhanced, as i am mute, and that is a major hinderance even when i am sober. my loneliness today, however, made me need Master even more greatly thank i normally do, and many of my insecurities were magnified. i was like a drug addict, unable to get enough to take the edge off. it scared me, how deep i found my need to submit runs as i realized i would gladly sacrifice everything... absolutely everything to be His in RL as well. i know, however, that i am not emotionally ready for that step, as memories of Jay still haunt me daily.

i also shared how i truly feel for Cecily by sending her the song "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother" by the Hollies. i chose this song to send as it tells of the love shared by sibblings, and Cecily is the closest i have to a sibbling now.... my RL brother is now a woman, an my RL sister hasn't spoken to me in over a year. i know Cecily doesn't feel for me the way i feel for her, but i still need her to know how i feel... and i can hope that i will someday matter to her the way she matters to me

my name is Zelda Diane Amarita MacNamaer. my SecondLife name is Annabella Cerveau. i am Owned and Loved by Xarious Edo.

yesterday i learned what it means to truly please Master.

Last night, after my ISP issues were resolved i logged back into SecondLife, seeking Master for the comfort His presence gives me. it was at this time that i realized i had given away one of my favorite items of bondage clothing - my straitjacket - to Trisha.

Master provided me with the funds i needed and i went to replace it at KDC in Livigno. There i met another slave - Evals Heart - who was looking for some pony play equipment. i assisted him in locating the type of equipment he sought, and thought no more of it.

Shortly after, Master received an IM from Evals stating how kind and helpful i was. Master read the message to me, and i was surprised... no one had ever taken the time to praise me so, save for Master.

Master also was genuinely pleased, and asked me what i wished for as a reward, but i was already enjoying the only reward i could want... i was laying with Master... being comforted... and feeling loved.

today i learned that compassion and Dominance are not mutually exclusive

i made an offer to Master that i felt was the ultimate sacrifice i could make short of my own life. i offered to serve Master in complete chastity.... which He declined. He told me that my sexual gratification was important to Him, and now i believe iam begining to see the depth of His compassionate nature

Also today, my sister, Cecily, submitted herself to Master again. i had feared that she had hurt Master's heart and that He may not take her back, as i have no intention of taking Trisha back, but - thankfull- such was not the case (much to my relief and joy)

my name is Zelda Diane Amarita MacNamaer. my SecondLife name is Annabella Cerveau.

When i first came on SecondLife i went by the name Diane Travers, as Diane is part of my name, and Travers is the surname of my late Master and Fiance, Jay.

i served Jay for three years until cancer took His life. i then spent three years just stuck, hollow and alone.

upon joining SecondLife, i began to rediscover my submissiveness. The first Dom to claim me was Mikey Jimador. He was very hurtful and often reffered to me as fucker girl, cunt, and bitch. i fled from him.

i spent a week exploring SecondLife after that first experience, and met Jane Eldritch. She was my second Owner in SecondLife, and far kinder and more... honorable than Mikey. She was a collector, however, and i was merely a part of her harem. Despite her claims to the contrary, i was never given any of Her time, and eventually i left, feeling more empty than when i had been collared by Her.

While i was in the service of Jane, i met Master.... i knew i wanted to be owned by Him immediately, and although i was collared to Jane, i would often find myself with Him as He took the time to listen to me.... He made me feel that i had somewhere i belonged.

i informed Master that i wished to submit to Him prior to leaving Jane's harem. i bought myself an unscripted collar and a script package and made a new collar. i gave Master the leash holder object and told Him that when He felt i was ready, i would be very happy if He would claim me as His.

i was claimed by Master before logging off that night, and that was the best i had felt in a very long time... i was wanted.

approximately a week and a half after being claimed by Master, i was approached by Trisha Cheeky, one of the two alts of Patrick Robb. Trisha had also been a slave of Jane's, and had only entered Jane's house house to be with me, or so i was told.

With Master's blessing i took Trisha as my slave, as i felt this would deepen my understanding of myself and allow me to be a better slave for Master. In hindsight this was a VERY BAD idea. Patrick would frequently log off as Trisha and return as Speeddude.

When i wasn't with Trisha this was not an issue, but when i was trying to train Trisha it was upsetting and frustrating. Patrick's habbit of logging off without warning was also very taxing on my patience. i finally decided that this behavior needed to be corrected.

Master coached me on the best way to discipline my slave and i put the plan into effect. i should have known it that it was doomed to failure when i logged on in the morning to find Speeddude was logged in, but quickly logged out. Patrick logged in as Trisha at that point and said that he was ready to begin his punishment.

The punishment itself was a simple matter. i had a leash post in the corner of my appartment too which Trisha was secured, and Thrisha was to remain in my appartment, without logging off or switching to the Speeddude account without my permission. i had also decreed that Trisha was not allowed to speak to anyone until the punishment period was over.

Trisha proceeded to IM me all day. not only that, but asked to go visit a friend. Thinking that i was being to hard on one so young as Patrick, i allowed him one visitor, for thirty minutes. This was my critical mistake.

Later that day, after numerous sever issues, Patrick was logged in as Speeddude. i informed him that i wished to collar Speeddude as well as it was Patrick i wished to teach and mold. Patrick did not like this idea and refused to honor me as his Mistress by placing my name in his profile.

It was at this point that i explained to Patrick that despite his claims of devotion and submission, if he was only willing to submit and honor me as Trisha, then he wasn't really willing to submit on any real level. i released Patrick at that point and told him that i was through wasting my time.

i do not intend to take another slave any time in the forseeable future. i know that i am not Domme material as i am far too soft-hearted. i did gleen a greater understanding of my submission from this experience, however, and i now see how a true submissive... a slave... can genuinely enrich a Dominant's life with their adoration and love.