Somewhat recently beat the first three Spyro games and 100% them.
Forgot to mention that I played and beat Arx Fatalis which was a fun first person RPG about a year ago.
Beat Daggerfall a few months ago too. It was really fun! Scratched the dungeon crawling itch I was having at the time and kept me from replaying kings field for the 4th time lol.
Beat Morrowind about two months ago. It started pretty rough and I had some issues with it, but overall my favorite story of the Elder Scroll games
Beat Dark Souls 2 (fume knight :( )
Played through and beat most of the Armored Core games on ps1
Beat Kirby and the crystal shards
Beat and 100% Mario 64, LoZ OoT and Majora's Mask again
Tried a few other games like Fatal Frame, Earthworm Jim, Shadow The Hedgehog and Turok, but didn't really fully beat any of them or didn't get far.
Recently been playing Tetris for the first time and its been really fun.

Thinking about playing Donkey Kong Country since I've never played that. Might do some more the Spyro games.

Recommendations for older games to emulate and play? Specifically ps1-ps2 N64

I've already asked before if I should put my posts from twitter onto here when I post them and people seemed alright with that, but that was when I still posted to twitter and now I've been doing it all to bluesky instead. OMG I just realized I haven't updated my FA to include links to bluesky! Will do that after this journal heh, but since people seemed alright with that then I'll probably start compiling what I post to bluesky as journals on here now. Would anyone be interested in seeing those complied posts?

First off why did I decide to write this? I think it'll help me sort out some anxious feelings that have been resurfacing due to circumstances going on in my personal life right now involving my family. I won't go into detail about that here or plan to do so in any of my Fa journals as I don't think its necessary to do so right now, but that may change. Writing this out helps me reflect back on some dark points in my life and how it bridges to who I am now. I hope that by divulging this personal journey of mine that people better understand somethings about me, but don't get the wrong idea of how I am doing now and what I enjoy about the things that I'm into now as well. The only other thing I have to say before I begin is that this involves me recalling these things when I was much younger up until now so I will be only going into the essential details consecutively the best I can.

To start off I didn't know what vore was and didn't even have a concept for fetishes or kinks until I started enjoying the concept of it in some specific types of scenarios. Before then I saw the act of being eaten alive as terrifying, but only because of specific media depictions of it. Before then I only found it mildly scary that some snakes could eat things larger than themselves, but it didn't terrify me. In fact that was the only thing I didn't like about snakes at the time, but that would change after those media depictions I mentioned into complicated feelings about them. This wasn't an instant change from a mild fear to a phobia either. It happened over time as I saw more specific types of depictions of being eaten alive in media that left me frozen and feeling cold with fear. Usually the more abstract or realistic depictions of being eaten alive is what disturbed me. Cartoony versions would make me feel a little uncomfortable, but not that same frozen feeling.

Before I continue I wanted to write down some thoughts I've had about this specific fear and where it might come from. From the specific depictions I can remember and my own feelings I would say a key part of the fear is the claustrophobic space and the speed at which someone could end up in a space like that. The helplessness of being in a space like that without wanting to being similar to cave exploring. I could see myself having ended up with a fear of that if I was exposed to a lot of media like that, but I think the aspect of someone or something like a wild animal doing it was what made it so bad.

During this picking up of this new and my most irrational fear my personal life was just being a kid and going to school. Nothing else really complicated going on to my knowledge at the time. Eventually though some family drama was bubbling up that resulted in me being witness to some things that left me shaken from multiple encounters over the years. I was anxious and found it hard to focus with what was going on back at home off and on seemingly randomly. The inconsistency and my ability not to tune out those things only made the anxious shaky feelings I had to get worse. This of course impacted how I was doing in school and during the years I normally would have been with the rest of my classmates. It was decided by my family and the school system to have me in a separate classroom with other troubled kids. This continued until the second year of middle school where I graduated back into the regular curriculum. I was told at the time that this was because I worked hard to keep my grades good, but really it was because back at home the chaos that originally made me so anxious calmed down significantly and made it where I could keep myself together. This didn't last however as by the end of middle school before moving up to high school it came back strong.

Before I continue there I should mention that the reason this is important is to contextualize what led up to some very complicated feelings that were building up inside of me for several years between 8-15 years old. I won't go into much more detail about family drama other than that it rarely turned physical, but the verbal fighting amongst family was loud, inconsistent and for all the years I was witness to it I didn't have a place to escape from it or someone to talk to other than a school counselor.

Going a bit back before the last year of middle school I didn't have access to the internet until after I graduated from my separate class in middle school. I noticed that most of my peers had cellphones and of course I wanted one. I didn't get one until the start of my last year in middle school. Instead I got limited access to a little tablet that I was allowed to be on for a few hours a day and my older brother let me use his laptop sparingly as well. Which was fair he didn't want me breaking anything on it and I was at the time still accident prone. Still with the limited access I had to both of these devices I mostly watched lets plays on youtube and played games that my brother had emulated on his laptop. I was very curious and there was a lot of things I would google. From stuff we were learning in school, to video game lore and random memes that were popular at the time. I had remembered a particular meme about pokemon that I googled that had a silly caption "Gotta eat em all". So I typed that in and went to images and saw the meme I was looking for. There was something else that had caught my eye though. I remember specifically seeing a art piece of Misty from pokemon with a large stomach. There may have been other similar images too, but this left me with some very bizarre feelings.

So at the time I don't think I made the connection that someone had ate someone else alive, but the visual depiction of the art I saw is what caught my attention. Maybe subconsciously I made the connection and that's where the strange feelings came from? Regardless this was just the beginning and a lot of different feelings were felt from then on. Though I don't remember thinking much about what I had seen or what I was doing when I would eventually go looking for more art of that kind. It was kind of like a trance to my own curiosity just to see more of whatever I had stumbled upon. I would do this privately rarely and never thought much about what exactly was going on with me. Other than that I didn't wanna get caught looking at any of it as it felt strange. Eventually I would get my phone and I would have a lot more privacy and access to view this stuff. So much access in fact that when previously mentioned family drama came back very badly in the last year of middle school I was able to view this stuff as a way to help me cope. I couldn't have foreseen how bad that family drama would get because that wasn't gonna be enough along with the new growing feeling of isolation amongst peers.

When I was much younger before any of the stuff I've talked about I liked to talk and ask a lot of questions and would do this with family and at school. Unfortunately I didn't know how to cool that down once I got started so due to family not wanting me to do that and my unstable state from family drama making me distracted with it at school I had gotten a lot quieter over the years. I was described by teachers as quiet or reserved from that time on. I still liked to talk and would talk with teachers after class and at the end of the day about stuff we learned for as long as I could. I didn't really have any friends to talk to often though and although many of my peers had phones and I eventually got one they didn't really communicate with each other over social media until high school. Even after graduating from the separate classes I was still struggling with myself and my peers weren't the most welcoming to me until high school. Because of this I felt isolated amongst so many people it was manageable though as life at home was mostly calm and I liked the regular curriculum a lot. This would be okay until that last year of middle school when that family drama came back and that feeling of isolation had extended to my family. Eventually the worst of it had come and gone and I felt somewhat assured that I wouldn't have to worry about it for awhile. I had decided to try something that only made the feeling of isolation explode. I had decided to not talk to anyone unless I needed to answer them or if they started a conversation with me to see how many days I could go just being alone with myself.

Before I get to what happened with that I should mention that I believe this was my way of realizing how alone I was at the time and for years amongst my family and at school as well. I had these feelings rarely and usually when family drama would happen. Stuff outside of my control felt like it was my fault with that family drama and because of that I felt bad about myself and I didn't really have a way to get over those feelings. Conveniently I started thinking a lot more about vore as I used it as a way to help me cope with those feelings. The ways those feelings culminated turned into a form of escapism that wasn't very healthy. The want to have some creature or person to eat me and digest me forever so I could escape the feelings and situations going on at home. I was doing some other things to cope with those feelings of anxiety and isolation as well that weren't healthy either, but vore was the core of all of it. I didn't realize that the way I was dealing with these feelings with vore and the other things were temporary and that I just building up these bad feelings more and more. Okay back to the buildup of all of these feelings into that day I did that test.

After my first day of not talking to anyone unless they talked to me I was validating all of those terrible feelings that had been growing for years and felt awful. My mind was full of terrible lonely awful thoughts that swirled and combined with anxious thoughts about myself. I thought so much of all of those things in a deep intense way while I was trying desperately through tears just to sleep and try again the next day. I did this for a few days and even when I actually found people that wanted to talk to me first the end of the day thoughts only got worse. This went on for about a week or two until I had something strange happen. One of these nights I actually won against my own irrational anxious lonely thoughts and I didn't feel better, but I didn't feel bad either. I felt good in that I was at least calm and maybe a bit numb and not used to my mind not having all these racing terrible thoughts before I went to sleep. From then on there was a lot less family drama as I went to high school and I developed and thought a lot more about how I felt and not as much about what others thought of me. I still was quite anxious at high school for the first two years, but I was getting over it and it felt good not thinking that way as much anymore.

So after that strange 180 of my emotions that happened over time my feelings about vore changed a lot as well. I stopped thinking about it as this way out in a fantasy setting and more just enjoyed it visually, but started thinking about what I enjoyed about it in other ways and exploring that through my own thoughts. I've changed a lot since then about why I enjoy vore and I'm glad I'm not into it the way I was when I was younger when it was very much unhealthy for my emotional state at the time. I think the way I was thinking about it then would still be unhealthy now and that's why its left behind all the way back there in my past, but its not forgotten so that I don't make that mistake again.

Since I actively started participating online with people in these spaces, both the furry community and the more niche vore side of it I've met mostly kind people that have helped me feel like I belong in a way that I can't really put to words. I think that's cause what defines friendships can be pretty complicated and abstract especially over the internet, but that doesn't make it any less real or impactful. I thank all the people who I've reached out to and that have reached out to me its made my life a lot more fulfilling in a lot of small ways that make big impacts altogether. I feel a lot better writing all of this out although it probably isn't worded the best throughout I think it should be understandable. My life might get pretty rough with whats going on currently with family, but I think I'll be alright.

Made my first set of emotes of my sona. Not gonna upload each individually onto here, but if you want to see them here's the Bluesky link: https://bsky.app/profile/bekobucket...../3llw3f7j6os2g

Also formatted them for telegram as a pack of stickers here: https://t.me/addstickers/BucketTest

Thinking I might have to set up commissions to help pay for college tuition this semester. I had a feeling I was gonna have to do that at some point. Wasn't expecting to have to do that till at least summer, but earlier works too.

If I were to get a portable art tablet to do art on the go would anyone here have any recommendations?

This is for me to keep track of as a reminder and for anyone curious of my ongoing art projects:

- Beko eating someone while wearing his suit
- New and improved Beko ref sheet
- Quad Beko Pose Practice
- Mass Vore Comic
- CV Animation
- Alien/Demon shenanigans
- Several other misc projects

Played both of the original thief games, was planning on playing the third one, but couldn't really get into it so might come back to that later

Played metal gear solid 3 and started peacewalker, but also couldn't get into it, watching all of mgs4 on youtube then gonna play mgs5

Beat physchonauts 2, great game, replayed and beat rogue legacy, haven't played it since it was on xbox 360, such a good game

Played and beat wolfenstien 1 and 2, played and beat dishonored 1 and 2

Played skyrim, really fun dungeon crawling! did most the content was fun doing magic and blowing stuff up heh, gotta go back and play morrowind sometime

Need to go back to mass effect 2 and beat and then do 3, same goes for blasphemous 2

Started doom eternal and stalker shadow of chern, those are my main games I'm playing atm, tho college has started back up and my art motivation is kicked in so gonna be doing less games for a bit

Played all the halos 1-4 including odst. Enjoyed em all! except 4 it was pretty rough in both story and gameplay.

Played Metal Gear Solid 1 and 2, would've continued onto three but the roms on the sites I use just got taken down so gonna wait on that. Both had very fun gameplay and silly captivating stories. My only complaint with both was that I wish there was more of the gameplay alone, but there's more of the games for that.

Played the early access for Gloomwood, really enjoyed what they have so far, it hit that itch for more stealth gameplay after finishing MGS 1 and 2. At some point I gotta play the thief series to see how it inspired it.

After that I played Psyschonauts which is probably my fav platformer I've played now, luckily the sequel was 75% so I got that too and will be playing that sometime soon.

Games I've beaten this year and last year for the first time:

Boomer Shooters: Doom 1 and 2, Hexen, Heretic, Blood, Quake, Quake 2, Half-Life, Dusk, Cultic, Doom 2016, Ultrakill
Platformers: Sly Cooper 1 and 2, Rachet and clank 1 2 and 3, Jak and Daxter, Pizza Tower, Celeste, Blasphemous, Super Metroid, Castlevania Sotn, Pseudoregalia
Story: Alan Wake, Control, Outer Wilds, Sam & Max the devils playhouse, Darkwood, Rain World Downpour, The Mortuary Assistant, Subnautica, Prey,
Dungeon Crawlers: Oblivion, Lunacid, Kings Field 1 (Japan version) and 1 (US version)
Other: Factorio, Parasite Eve, The Binding of Isaac Rebirth, Halo CE, Halo 2, Halo 3, Risk of Rain Returns, Metroid Prime 1 and 2, Botw Totk, Hades, Postal

Games I've Started haven't beaten yet:

Metal Gear Solid 1, Killer Frequency, Mass Effect 1, Halo 3 Odst Command & Conquer, Blasphemous 2, Bug Fables, Morrowind, Fear, Psychonauts, Abes Odyssey, Crash Bandicoot 1 2 and 3, Disco Elysium, Trepang2, Soul reaver (Corrupted File), Metal Gear Solid 5

Other games I've played:

Viscera Cleanup Detail, Beat Saber, Palworld, Omori, Hexen 2, Fear & Hunger, The Elder Scrolls Arena and Daggerfall, Slime Rancher 2, Postal 2

I plan on playing:

Halo 2-4 including Odst, Mass Effect 1-3, Metal Gear Solid 1-5, Most the other Rachet and Clanks, Other Abes Odyssey Games, Skyrim, Fallout 4,

I probably am missing some things on this but I'll update it if that's the case

Personal Favs:

Out of all the boomer shooters Quake 1 has the most solid gameplay experience, Outer Wilds has the best Story, Kings Field 1 some of the best dungeon crawling I've played, Pizza Tower best 2D platformer and Pseudoregalia best 3D platformer,

Not something I usually do on here, I don't think I'll do this again, but I don't know if these thoughts are okay for me to be having, It feels good to tackle them and write them down to get them out, maybe someone will have further insight on what I mean cause I feel like I know myself but these past few days I've been a lot more unsure, then rebounding back to sure then back to unsure again.

I originally wrote and posted these to twitter, this is the first thread:

Sometimes I wonder if the only way to feel certain emotions strongly is to expose yourself to things that genuinely make you uncomfortable, then I think that's a rash way of thinking and avoid the idea and the thoughts that may relate to it, but the possible satisfaction at conquering something that you feel like controls you more than you control it... it's tempting, yet I feel it's more dangerous to conquer parts of yourself than to let them exist as they do, cause if they're under control, are they really? Or are they just suppressed, till they burst. Thinking out loud about this in relation to my lack of motivation for generally many things I should want to do in life, including simple social ques and forming healthy habits. I'm doing okay enough I think, I just don't know for how long that'll do, and that should scare me now, but it doesn't and so I'm just stuck, and wondering if some emotions of ways of thinking or feeling can drive me up and out of this hole, I feel like I lost a part of myself long ago that I still can't find amongst my new experiences, like I'm not me in a A important way, I'm sure I seem like the same person to people on the outside though, just on the inside I'm not so sure, and this goes back several years. Idk this isn't like a call for help though maybe it reads that way, I need to type this out for myself, the part of me that I think I lost needs to know it's not lost and that it's still in me somewhere, just suppressed, maybe changed, but it's my core, I have to reclaim or rather set it free from these conditions I've put it under, I just have to learn how, maybe then it'll feel like it used to

Second thread:

I think for most of my life I've always been around groups of people much older than me and that's had a negative effect on my ability to socialize, but I can't seem to relate to anyone my own age either so I guess I'm just alone in that sense, everyone I know my age already has a best friend they've known for years as well, so should I long for that? or is it too late? I think its too late, so now I'm just stuck like this, somewhere with trying to be my own social stimulation that I need, or forcing it out of people older than me who I'll always be behind on, on top of already feeling slow to adjust to things changing, its like I always have someone tripping me before I can get to my feet, and sometimes that someone is people I want to be friends with and get along with, it makes it so hard to try to relate and be nice, it makes what I have now with those I find closest seem so much more precious, but still I find myself missing out because of my own fault, as if my circumstances before all this are all mine, it feels like they are but I know I shouldn't put that kinda weight on myself, But I do

I put a lot of my silly random late night thoughts or even shower thoughts on twitter, should I use Fa journals for that as well? I'm not sure if I should cause journals feel more formal so not something ya wanna spam out every now and again I think... but I guess it doesn't really matter? The main reason I'd want to do so is cause I think their is a overlap in people who use both twitter and fa, but I wouldn't wanna leave anyone out on my silly thoughts over here too heh. Also... there isn't really a character limit so I could write a lot, and even format it better over here too!

Posty Birb is soooo nice, def gonna make mass uploads on here a lot easier, gonna have to use it from now on

Noita, Daggerfall, Tf2, Terraria, LoZ
might add more on this list as this is just what came to mind first
I don't expect myself to get to any of these anytime soon tho

Before I totally move on from ps1 and ps2 Era games, any recommendations from those two? I've already played parasite eve, sly 1, jak 1, rachet 1, symphony of the night, currently finishing rachet 3 and sly 2, might try jak 2 as well

I figure I should make a little quick bucket list for art stuff, tho its more like for before the year ends then an actual bucket list anyhow...
1. Animate Beko to some music I personally like, more than likely something teasy~
2. A really detailed and cozy piece of a snowed in log cabin, both exterior and interior showing the contrast of the harsh pretty outside and the warmth of inside with friends
3. A final modular ref for Beko as well as some lighter updated refs for some OC's
4. Beko's personal spaceship and maybe even an example of somewhere he'd live? like what kinda planet he prefers
5. Organize and upload Beko's lore and all the world building stuff I've written up
6. might add more

I'm a switch in both the vore context and non vore context, but I lean towards being prey and bottoming, but I have moods for the opposite!
That being said my prefs slightly differ on whether I'm pred/prey and top/bottom, but mainly I'm into vore

As prey

I really like: Soft oral vore, teases before noms, gooey tingly digestion, weight gain, tight bulges, non-fatal, reform, being any size as prey except micro, drawn out digestion

I like: Being bitten and blood being drawn, instant digestion, fatal, belching, bones, cv, av, micro/macro and not so tight bulges

As pred

I really like: Biting and drinking blood, soft oral vore, teases before noms, scaring prey, gooey tingly digestion, weight gain, tight or not so tight bulges, reform, any size of prey, instant digestion, drawn out digestion, fatal, bones, cv, av, belching, and micro/macro

For both Prey and pred

I don't like: Hard vore, scat, unbirth, perma

When it comes to more vanilla lewd stuff, I haven't thought/done much with it but am open to experimenting!

I'll leave off with that I really like giving head and generally like teasy stuff before anything out right explicit

Gonna look over and update my Prefs journal on here and make a new one, also a idea of what I'm working on: Sci-fi Shark nom sequence, some cleaned up stuff posted in scraps and compiling ideas and stuff for a final sona ref, also feel free to throw some ideas at me under this journal, but make sure to read my prefs journal first! doesn't have to be nom related either!

backlog is done just in time for the silly day today 8/8, so stuff from now on should be things I've started on recently!

Finally getting around to making a archive sever in case twitter or fa don't hold up for my art, open invite below
https://t.co/T7A6srlw2T

I've only got four major things left in my backlog that have been in the works for only a little over a month now, everything else should be relatively more fresh after those four pieces. Also did a count up of how many oc's I've made... its about 40 and since I haven't really used 5 of those 40 more than once I'm gonna take a look at redrawing some of them, but others will be kept as old ideas to come back to. Also also gonna try and write some more definitive stuff in the future to go with my pieces and sona's universe

Got about 20 current WIP's and 12 of em are vore related, wanting to get these all done before the semester is fully over. 10 of them are close to completion so I'll probably do those first, might sketch some new stuff on the side while I finish the wips up

Finally got a major amount of that backlog chipped down at, getting to stuff that I've actually sketched that was from late december, hopefully getting through the rest of it shouldn't take too much longer

Ask me something bwah bwah

Happy new years and since I feel like its gonna be a long year to do stuff coming up, let me know what you'd like to see from me before the year ends!!!