Lemmingism
Ass kissing
Afraid to break from the group you're trying to impress for god knows whatever reason.

It seems being a lemming is an epidemic.
Those with once free thinking minds find themselves falling prey to their own insecurities. It is in human nature to seek approval, to be part of a pack in fear of being alone. {{ It's fascinating how our basic primitive instincts still kick in to this day in such things.
Are those who crawl away from that need to be in a pack odd? Perhaps detached from their instincts?
Who knows.}}
It's always interesting to see the search for approval, the need to be close to those you idolize turn.
Though the ones in that situation rarely witness it.
It happens in a way that they mindlessly follow the ones they admire, perhaps not complete mindlessness but close enough, and in turn they snap and rage at those other friends they don't forsaken, but shove in their back pocket as they pursuit after their idol.
When that happens, do they really care?
Who knows.

I don't know about you lot but I'm never going to be that ass kisser. That one who abandons what's real and dear for a figment without a face.

Dear Diary,

I had that dream again.
The one that wakes me night after night leaving me to stare at the dancing shadows on the black walls…
well one of them.
3:04 am, just as always.
I stir and rise from my nightmares...my skin crawling and writhing in restlessness.

I wonder…
If the future me still has these problems.
Heh, future me.
How pathetic was I?
More importantly how pathetic are you now?
I hope you havn’t lost your edge if you’re reading this…
_____________________. ______________________________________, _________________...


Anyways
I’m still restless and the____________________________________.
______________________. _________________________________________.
____?
But why?


By the way…
Jo says it’s going to be painless.
That or it’ll hurt for a while…
Either way...maybe then it will stop…

I’m starting to get a bit weary we’ll see how long that lasts.
Tonight’s chicken scratch was a bit boring, and I’m sure you’re tired as well.

xx/xx/0x





••________________________________________________________________________________________________________________••



Just going through some of my old
eh
you know

I may post a few of my more interesting ones, I didn't write every night, there was a period where I did.
Just to get out my problems and things. My more interesting ones were more ' deep writing' which I guess I'd like to share with those who are bored xD
Some may be like this others not.
I bleep out things I really don't want to share with anyone. Which there's a bit in about every writing I'd say.
Anyways.



Back from the festival, kinda had a shitty weekend.
Long story short we ended up staying out of town another day and it royally fucked up my plans for today and yesterday.


Hope you're all well.

Going to be at the Renaissance Festival this saturday, the one in Minneapolis~

Asian and Avian is this weekends theme! It's going to be sweet : [

So if anyone happens to see some punk in either tripp ( goth) pants and a white hoodie or baggy shorts and a black hoodie, with wild blonde hair, and a green medic bag stop, and a pale fox or a raccoon tail on.. say hi~

After my audition for #NightmareTournament2 I'm temporarily done with commissions and doing art for other people ( minus things for friends and random gift art and things I owe a few individuals but that's besides the point)

I'm going to be working my ass off on learning a painterly style. You'll prolly see a lot of monstrosities. Prewarning.

Also to all you sparkle artists who have been silently waiting for me to submit something a unicorn shat up, I'm NOT done with drawing sparkles ( you haters can get bent : coughyouknowwhoyouarecough:. I've been working on anatomy and I'll be damned on giving up on drawing dogs just because of you assholes.
I hope once I get my technique straight I can present the 'sparkle style' in a new way.



What you can expect from me over the next few months:
-monstrosities
-a lot of failed attempts
- a loooot of personal art ' symbolism'
- some sparkle/dog art here and there ( not a whole lot, mostly human art ...n pkmn.... SHHHH)
-more OC art, yes oh...oh god i'm going to share my oc designs ffffff ( took me a year and a half to decide that but ya know xD )
- Once I'm content with my style, you can expect OC comics.


If you don't like the sounds of any of this, you can unwatch me.
For those of you who..actually care I hope I don't blind you over the next few months OTL

-Caged /out/

Are there any flavored ones that are legal?
Regular menthol, doesn't matter as long as they have a bit of a taste like mint or some shit, not cloves not a big fan of those.
I know the law was passed making candy flavored cigarettes illegal but 'mint' is hardly /candy/ come on Dx

I'm flying out tomorrow. I won't be submitting art ( unless I get ahold of a scanner ) I'll be back around July 25th!

When I get back I'll have a few commission deals if anyone's interested xD

Like 20 $5 sketch slots ( i'll post examples, they'll be rough sketches with some color c: )
And some sale prices on my digital art~

I'm not taking reservations, I should have enough time to get em all in.

Anyways keep up the awesome art work guys I'll log on once in awhile to comment and clear out my inbox but other then that see ya in July!

Sparkle dogs.
I myself am toning it down.
I'm leaving my sparkle groups, changing my fursona, and changing styles ( I can still draw in my sparkle style for commissions and trades).



WHY?!?!?!
I need to learn how to draw before I can stylize it. My anatomy is terrible, my art lacks anything to be desired, and I need to improve.
Because Anatomy? It's my style! Is not an excuse.



What about us?
I can still draw your sparkle dogs, just in a bit more realistic manor. This isn't going to be in effect right away! It's going to take me awhile to draw "normal" again, not sparkle anime dogs with shit anatomy. I still support you guys though! Don't worry!



Your fursona's changing too?
Not too much, I'm giving myself a set breed, simple natural colors, and less…abnormal colors. But she changes all the time! That's because I'm trying to find some design that fits me, I can't use my real fursona I don't want him to get ripped off. But nothing else fits, but I have a few ideas that I"m going to try. I'll still have optional hair, other then that I'm trying to make her as natural as possible and still fit me 8,D .



Are you going to stop watching me just because I draw sparkle dogs?
No!!! Not at all!! I'll still support you guys I may draw them again some day but I need to learn proper drawing first.



What about my commissions and trades?
You can still commission me to draw your characters as stated!



And as stated it's going to take a few weeks maybe two months for the complete change!

Yeeep that's right, I'm having a mini sale so I can get in some commissions before I disappear for the summer.
This is going to be the last bit of art you'll see from me until August xD I have a few I still have to do yet, but those'll be done soon enough ; >



Full Digital with bgs = $15-20 ( depending on the character and what you want )
Full Traditional W/ Bgs = $20 ( that includes $5 for packaging and shipping, $15 if you don't want it sent to you )

Badges ( digital ) = $10
Badges ( traditional ) = $15

Icons = $5

Custom Designs = $5


Interested in something not listed?
Comment and we'll come up with a price =D

Hey guys.
If you have a spare few bucks you should totally commission http://edocatastrophi.deviantart.com/
They're basically living off of $5 bucks, I hate hearing things like that… they're really nice and sweet if you can I'm sure Edo'd appreciate it to no end x n x

Just wanted to say thank you all for your comments on the last journal, I do read them all, and I'm most likely going to reply to all soon I'm terrible when it comes to replying u _ u;; I /always/ read it though.

Also I have had several questions about commissions. Because of the fact I'm still in my college classes, I'm finishing up in these next few weeks, once everything settles down I'll open them up to bulk commissions, maybe even have a small sale so, next few weeks here guys =D

And if any one of you is interested in ever seeing a lot more 'anthro' and 'cartoony' art and less sparkledog note me I guess =D I can hook you up with a few things of mine.

On another note, the Egyptians in my class have finally convinced me to get a facebook o'__o'
So once I get that set up if you guys are interested I can let ya know. I'll prolly post wips, sketches, and random art up there~

Anyways,
Off to work~

YES I"M RANTING AGAIN GOD FUCKIN DAMNIT Dx

Secrets secrets,
are no fun,
Secrets secrets,
because of you… I have none. : l

So I have found a new ultimate low my friends.
The supremacy of hypocrisy.
The dominatrix of betrayal and back stabbing.

So I have this "secret" that, growing up, I only told one 'friend'. I tried to suppress it, I didn't want this "secret". I could never trust just anyone with my "secret" either. It was my deepest darkest secret. Because my 'best friend' at the time was talking about something very similar that day, a lot I should mention, I debated for at least half an hour in the car if I wanted to tell her. I entrusted her with something my life has revolved around.

I only tell certain people for certain reasons. One is an issue of trust, two is how I think they'd react. I've told more people in the past few years, friends I could trust.
Boy did I make a mistake. She accepted my "secret" for 3/4 years. And a few weeks ago because our friendship ended she went to her friend that I don't know that well and just blurts it to her and says I'm full of bullshit that my "secret" isn't even real, that I'm just pretending and making it up, not even giving the benefit of the doubt and say I may have a disease. : l
Not only does she do this /but/… this act was a huge example of how much of a hypocrite she is. Fuck she yelled at one of my other friends for telling her friend about my "secret". She was fucking pissed that she did that! And here she goes just throwin the caves of my life at strangers : l
And because my "secret" is such a lie guys my mom has witnessed this, and even gave my friend what she's seen of this "secret". Yeah kid, my mom's TOTALLy the type to play along with little games of pretend____NOT. I'd have to pay her off to make up stuff like what she said. Oh but there's the excuse, your mom's a fucking basket case! Yeeeah well she's not the only one who's witnessed this "secret" : l


In conclusion.
I'm fucking pissed that someone would be so low to do something like this.
It just proves what type of ungodly rotten cretin they are……yeah harsh but. This is my life that they just screamed "it's a lie".


Do you guys find that wrong?
Do I have a right to be angry and fucking pissed at this person?
Yeah we were fighting, we were fighting a lot, then she wished to be my friend again and finally things looked like they were going to be fine, oh god I was relieved, then PTCHOOOEEWWWWMMM one night having her hypocritical flame fed and she rages and rages until she does something like this. I don't freakin care how angry you are at someone:

It's called moral standards, which obviously she is lacking. : l
-fin-

DRAG HER TOY DOWN THE HALL EVERY NIGHT MROWLING LOUDLY!??!!?
I DO NOT UNDERSTAND AAAAUUUUUGH
EEEEEVERY NIIIIIGHT
She
She doesn't stop DB
She just drops it in my door way and walks over to me and lays down, she's such a quiet cat and she meows soooo loud when she does this.
I'm a dog person and this confuses me soooo.
Any ideas 8[?
I don't think she wants to play she doesn't chase it if I start to play with her, but if I move it out into the living room about ten minutes later she'll drag it back xD