FA+
Shop
Life goes onn and on and on!
General | Posted 11 years agoI dunno, I'm happy, things are good, there are frustrations but they are manageable.
I been drawing, hanging out with people...
Work blows hard cores, but the rest is all worth it...
How are you?
I been drawing, hanging out with people...
Work blows hard cores, but the rest is all worth it...
How are you?
Diggin' the whole...
General | Posted 11 years agoNo friends and nothing to do thing...
Are there no furries in Mass? I cant find a single one... 2 months of being alone in a room unless looking for a job is quite literally killing me.
Are there no furries in Mass? I cant find a single one... 2 months of being alone in a room unless looking for a job is quite literally killing me.
Addicted...
General | Posted 12 years agoTo GTA 5 Online... if you gots a PS3 and play... hit up ChronibisOtter :3 just says yer a fuzzy!
MFF Room
General | Posted 13 years agoDis is one otter who needs room for two at MFF! If you're looking for two roommates and are watchin'... maybe speaks up maybe?
Boo!
General | Posted 13 years agoBlargle! Need to draw!
IFC Meme thingy!
General | Posted 13 years agoWhere are you staying?
Wif Mah Buddys!
What day are you getting there?
Sorta Thursday but really Friday :3
Who will you be with?
Losta peoples! I hopes ;3
Who will you hang out with during the convention?
Mah friends and hopefully meet new ones!
Are there any panels you might be attending?
I dunnos... maybe!
Will you be suiting?
I wish
Which suit(s) will you be bringing?
I dun gots one :(
Do you do free art?
Yesh
Do you do trades?
Course!
Do you do badges?
I can do dat!
Do you do commissions?
Definitely!
What is your gender?
Imma boy otter!
How tall are you?
Little over 5'5"
Are you taken? Are you looking for a 'mate'?
I aint taken, but I aint lookin, but I'm not NOT lookin... just kinda... woo
Can I talk to you?
Yes PLEASE!
Can I touch you?
Oh please do!
How can I find you?
Look around, Or ask me here or somethin... I dunno how to find people either O.O
Can I visit your room?
I dunnos.. maybe? Prolly not up to me...
Can I buy you drinks?
Ohhhh that sounds fun!
Can I give you stuff?
Awwww you dun gotta... I like people more den things!
Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Ih my yes yes yes! This is the best thing EVER!
Are you nice?
I try to be nice... its really fun :3
How long are you going?
Friday night through Monday? I think...
Do you have an artist table?
Naw... I aint gonna make moneys so why waste times :P
If I see you, how should I get your attention?
Poking, grabbing, hugging and shout-and-wave are always effective!
Where will you be most of the time during the day/s?
Wandering about like a doof prolly... or if deres a pool I do like the water :3
What/where will you be eating?
Uhm... food?
Can I come with you for food/fun/etc?
I like food and most forms of fun... some more den others :3
Can I look in your sketchbook?
Course!
Can I draw in your sketchbook?
Indeed!
Can I take your picture?
Nu >...>
What's your goal(s) for the con this year?
Sex drugs and rock and roll! Also just a good time :3
First Race: The Originators
General | Posted 13 years agoAncients - Global Empire of Origin – The Originators
Long ago, when the world was still young, there existed a race of sentient, intelligent creatures. These people, the name for whom has been lost to history, were one of the first races to arise in the universe. The young race struggled valiantly to survive in a harsh world, devoid of naught but the basics of survival, there were no great forests, no oceans, and the skies were dark and ominous. Until one day, a young boy, lost and scared turned his head to the sky and cried out The First Prayer, begging the universe itself to make life something more than just survival, a world where there was more than feeding and migration. He prayed so loudly and so deeply, that deep in the cosmos, the “First Ones” awoke those who would come to be known as Gods, eternal, immortal, and powerful beyond comprehension.
The first to come was Ka’ewa, Mother of Water, who heard the boy’s prayer to end his peoples thirst. So she drew her broach and thrust it into her palm, filling the world’s lowlands and deep canyons with her life giving waters, so much was spilled that all but the broad, tall mountains remained above the crashing waves.
The second was Saru’val, the Serpent of Life, hos ears heard the boys prayer to end his peoples hunger, who flew above the barren red earth and spread seeds of life, great forests and plains erupted from his breath, spreading over the entirety of the world’s great landmasses, providing food for not only the boys people, but other life as well, life flourished, spread and diversified, engulfing the entirety of the world.
Then came the Twin Sisters Ki’irin and Ka’avia, whose great booming voices filled the world with warm breathable air, whose breath turned the dark sky to magnificent blue, and filled the still plains with life spreading wind. The sisters gave rise to the birds and filled the world with their songs.
Not long after the wind came the jealous God Schar, who heard the boys cries for warmth, the God whose fury awakened the elements, and gave rise to the Elemental Spirits, creatures of chaos and renewal, who drove the seasons and kept the world in balance. He taught the boy of fire and how to cook his food, how to use his gift to strengthen his peoples weapons of the hunt.
The boy’s final prayer was one that would forever shape the world. His people were intelligent, but they were neither numerous, nor powerful, so he begged and pleaded for something to set his people apart from the beasts and their great physical power, something that would make his race able to conquer the budding world, and build beautiful things in the Gods name.
With the Final Prayer came Ane’ra, the Veiled Lady, who whispered the secrets of Magic into the boy’s ear, and filled his mind with visions of how to manipulate the fabric of the elements, the words of power, and the powers of the mind.
With that the Gods retreated back behind the Rift, the impenetrable barrier separating the Divine and The Unseen from the world of the material.
In time the Originators grew, and spread over the entire surface of the planet. First building towns and villages, and then erecting great cities. Soon the Originators began to grow bold, building great cities beneath the seas and high above the world in the skies. Soon there was no more new land, there were no more new cities, and over the years the factions of the Originators warred, scarring the planet in an attempt to rule the entire world. During the war the Originator people changed, slowly lost they lost touch with the Gods and began to develop frightening and malevolent technologies and magics that threatened the stability of the planet and its inhabitants. Millennia passed and the Originators became overconfident, arrogant and assured in their power. In time they turned their back on the Gods, tossing their gifts and wisdom to the side like an unwanted scrap, forsaking their deeply held beliefs and their religion, focusing on the accumulation of knowledge, technology and power. Shirking off the forces that had brought them into existence, the very beings who, through time immemorial, and with powers to bend and warp the universe itself, had nurtured them from a terrified, weak and starving race into a great and seemingly eternal empire. The Gods, though displeased, were content to watch for many years, until the time came that the Originators decided to take it upon themselves to try and harness the last great source of pure power, the power of the Gods themselves.
They secretly erected a great device in the capitol city, a device of such terrible power that it threatened to blink the existence of both material and Divine from the universe.
A device designed to tear the Rift and extract a God….
All seemed well and the device was completed, and in time, activated. The results were at first promising, a great fissure opened in the sky above their world, flooding the inhabitants with empowering energy, the Light of the Divine, from beyond the Rift. And within moments, Saru’val, the Harvest Bringer emerged from beyond the Rift, his massive body iridescent and shimmering in the sunlight as the fissure destabilized and collapsed, trapping the great Life Serpent in the realm of the material.
The God was beyond furious at the affront, but his rage soon turned to horror as the combined might of the Originator Armies and their Mechanoid servants fell upon him. At first their weapons seemed to have no effect, the great Serpent wiped out hundreds of ships and fighters with each swipe of his tail. But the Originators were numerous, and now united, soon the God was weakened and fell, his head crushing the device that had brought him into the world, and his body crashing into the ocean.
As the Originators began to celebrate their great victory, the sky grew dark, and then flashed crimson. Fire rained and lightening lashed from the sky, obliterating everything they touched.
It was the remaining Pantheon, outraged and insulted by this blatant affront to their existence and power. They furiously rained down destruction and mayhem across the Originator cities for months. After the great Celestial Rain, the world was once again left barren, as it had been in the beginning, the Gods having wiped out nearly every living thing upon the world. The few Originators that survived fled their world, vowing never to return until they had become Gods themselves.
Then the Celestial Rain stopped, slowly the world cooled and the dust settled, and the only remaining living thing on the planet, was the slowly dying Saru’val. Who, despite all that had transpired, still loved life, and with his last shard of strength, released every last ounce of life giving energy from his body. The world soon filled with life again, species that had been wiped out arose again and once again filled the world with beauty and activity, and so Saru’val passed, his spirit and power returning a ravaged and battered world to life, some say that was the end of him, but there are some, some who believe, that the spark of the Gods soul, still exists, continually driving the seasons with the help of his Elementals.
The other gods, tormented by the death of Saru’val and horrified at the atrocity they had committed, wept tears of bitter sorrow. The tears fell to the ground, and wherever they struck they opened up fonts of mystic power, magnificent glowing springs that gave life and knowledge to those who drank, helping to heal the world and once again fill it with life, for each of the springs, a young race formed, they grew and flourished, once again filling the world with hope and strength.
However the destruction of the Origin Device left the once great City of the First Origin forever barren, bombarded by radiation so intense then life could never again flourish there. In the wake of the Originators departure the dead were raised, abominations of unlife, whose hearts neither beat nor felt. Slowly the mysterious curse spread, those who rose becoming soldiers among a vast army of undeath, anyone who fell to the dead would rise themselves, becoming hateful, unfeeling monsters whose unholy existence fueled some kind of unknown dark agenda. The undead marched outward killing off vast tracts of lush savannah, turning them to desert. Those that could not rise turned to sand and ash, accumulating around the once great City of Origin, once the cradle of first life, now the home of death itself.
Long ago, when the world was still young, there existed a race of sentient, intelligent creatures. These people, the name for whom has been lost to history, were one of the first races to arise in the universe. The young race struggled valiantly to survive in a harsh world, devoid of naught but the basics of survival, there were no great forests, no oceans, and the skies were dark and ominous. Until one day, a young boy, lost and scared turned his head to the sky and cried out The First Prayer, begging the universe itself to make life something more than just survival, a world where there was more than feeding and migration. He prayed so loudly and so deeply, that deep in the cosmos, the “First Ones” awoke those who would come to be known as Gods, eternal, immortal, and powerful beyond comprehension.
The first to come was Ka’ewa, Mother of Water, who heard the boy’s prayer to end his peoples thirst. So she drew her broach and thrust it into her palm, filling the world’s lowlands and deep canyons with her life giving waters, so much was spilled that all but the broad, tall mountains remained above the crashing waves.
The second was Saru’val, the Serpent of Life, hos ears heard the boys prayer to end his peoples hunger, who flew above the barren red earth and spread seeds of life, great forests and plains erupted from his breath, spreading over the entirety of the world’s great landmasses, providing food for not only the boys people, but other life as well, life flourished, spread and diversified, engulfing the entirety of the world.
Then came the Twin Sisters Ki’irin and Ka’avia, whose great booming voices filled the world with warm breathable air, whose breath turned the dark sky to magnificent blue, and filled the still plains with life spreading wind. The sisters gave rise to the birds and filled the world with their songs.
Not long after the wind came the jealous God Schar, who heard the boys cries for warmth, the God whose fury awakened the elements, and gave rise to the Elemental Spirits, creatures of chaos and renewal, who drove the seasons and kept the world in balance. He taught the boy of fire and how to cook his food, how to use his gift to strengthen his peoples weapons of the hunt.
The boy’s final prayer was one that would forever shape the world. His people were intelligent, but they were neither numerous, nor powerful, so he begged and pleaded for something to set his people apart from the beasts and their great physical power, something that would make his race able to conquer the budding world, and build beautiful things in the Gods name.
With the Final Prayer came Ane’ra, the Veiled Lady, who whispered the secrets of Magic into the boy’s ear, and filled his mind with visions of how to manipulate the fabric of the elements, the words of power, and the powers of the mind.
With that the Gods retreated back behind the Rift, the impenetrable barrier separating the Divine and The Unseen from the world of the material.
In time the Originators grew, and spread over the entire surface of the planet. First building towns and villages, and then erecting great cities. Soon the Originators began to grow bold, building great cities beneath the seas and high above the world in the skies. Soon there was no more new land, there were no more new cities, and over the years the factions of the Originators warred, scarring the planet in an attempt to rule the entire world. During the war the Originator people changed, slowly lost they lost touch with the Gods and began to develop frightening and malevolent technologies and magics that threatened the stability of the planet and its inhabitants. Millennia passed and the Originators became overconfident, arrogant and assured in their power. In time they turned their back on the Gods, tossing their gifts and wisdom to the side like an unwanted scrap, forsaking their deeply held beliefs and their religion, focusing on the accumulation of knowledge, technology and power. Shirking off the forces that had brought them into existence, the very beings who, through time immemorial, and with powers to bend and warp the universe itself, had nurtured them from a terrified, weak and starving race into a great and seemingly eternal empire. The Gods, though displeased, were content to watch for many years, until the time came that the Originators decided to take it upon themselves to try and harness the last great source of pure power, the power of the Gods themselves.
They secretly erected a great device in the capitol city, a device of such terrible power that it threatened to blink the existence of both material and Divine from the universe.
A device designed to tear the Rift and extract a God….
All seemed well and the device was completed, and in time, activated. The results were at first promising, a great fissure opened in the sky above their world, flooding the inhabitants with empowering energy, the Light of the Divine, from beyond the Rift. And within moments, Saru’val, the Harvest Bringer emerged from beyond the Rift, his massive body iridescent and shimmering in the sunlight as the fissure destabilized and collapsed, trapping the great Life Serpent in the realm of the material.
The God was beyond furious at the affront, but his rage soon turned to horror as the combined might of the Originator Armies and their Mechanoid servants fell upon him. At first their weapons seemed to have no effect, the great Serpent wiped out hundreds of ships and fighters with each swipe of his tail. But the Originators were numerous, and now united, soon the God was weakened and fell, his head crushing the device that had brought him into the world, and his body crashing into the ocean.
As the Originators began to celebrate their great victory, the sky grew dark, and then flashed crimson. Fire rained and lightening lashed from the sky, obliterating everything they touched.
It was the remaining Pantheon, outraged and insulted by this blatant affront to their existence and power. They furiously rained down destruction and mayhem across the Originator cities for months. After the great Celestial Rain, the world was once again left barren, as it had been in the beginning, the Gods having wiped out nearly every living thing upon the world. The few Originators that survived fled their world, vowing never to return until they had become Gods themselves.
Then the Celestial Rain stopped, slowly the world cooled and the dust settled, and the only remaining living thing on the planet, was the slowly dying Saru’val. Who, despite all that had transpired, still loved life, and with his last shard of strength, released every last ounce of life giving energy from his body. The world soon filled with life again, species that had been wiped out arose again and once again filled the world with beauty and activity, and so Saru’val passed, his spirit and power returning a ravaged and battered world to life, some say that was the end of him, but there are some, some who believe, that the spark of the Gods soul, still exists, continually driving the seasons with the help of his Elementals.
The other gods, tormented by the death of Saru’val and horrified at the atrocity they had committed, wept tears of bitter sorrow. The tears fell to the ground, and wherever they struck they opened up fonts of mystic power, magnificent glowing springs that gave life and knowledge to those who drank, helping to heal the world and once again fill it with life, for each of the springs, a young race formed, they grew and flourished, once again filling the world with hope and strength.
However the destruction of the Origin Device left the once great City of the First Origin forever barren, bombarded by radiation so intense then life could never again flourish there. In the wake of the Originators departure the dead were raised, abominations of unlife, whose hearts neither beat nor felt. Slowly the mysterious curse spread, those who rose becoming soldiers among a vast army of undeath, anyone who fell to the dead would rise themselves, becoming hateful, unfeeling monsters whose unholy existence fueled some kind of unknown dark agenda. The undead marched outward killing off vast tracts of lush savannah, turning them to desert. Those that could not rise turned to sand and ash, accumulating around the once great City of Origin, once the cradle of first life, now the home of death itself.
Who likes RPGs?
General | Posted 13 years agoSo I decided I am going to post out the racial Bios and the stories of the world for a game I am developing! Ill start tomorrow! Hopefully you'll enjoy readin' em as much as I love writin' em!
At the journal of AMWULF
General | Posted 13 years agoYour Existing Situation
Authoritative or in a position of power or leadership. Feels that current difficulties are causing problems and he is unable to progress further. Determined and commanding he strives for his goals despite the obstacles he faces.
Your Stress Sources
"Avoids pressure from others and insists on developing his individual independence. Wants to make up his own mind with resistance from others or outside forces, and needs the freedom to make his own decisions. Wants to be looked at as a wise individual whose opinions are respected, and has a hard time admitting he is wrong. Can be reluctant to accept or understand other people's opinions or point of view."
Your Restrained Characteristics
Open and emotionally involved in relationships and easily finds satisfaction through sexual activity.
Giving more than he is getting back and feels misunderstood and unappreciated. Feels he is being forced into compromising and even his close relationships leave him feeling emotionally distant.
"Insists his hopes and ideas are realistic and achievable, but needs encouragement and support. His self-centeredness can cause him to take things too personally."
Current events have him feeling forced to make bargains and put aside his own desires for now. He is able to find satisfaction and happiness through sexual activity.
Your Desired Objective
"Is very goal oriented and driven, and does not allow things to distract him from reaching his goals. Overcomes all obstacles he is faced with. Wants to gain recognition and a good reputation for his successes."
Your Actual Problem
"Enjoys making new plans and goals, but needs to be respected and admired for the things he accomplishes."
Your Actual Problem #2
"Fights resistance or limitations, and insists he is free to develop in his own way. Rewarded by accomplishing things on his own, with little to no help from others."
I was shocked how well this matched me... now YOU try!
http://colorquiz.com/
Authoritative or in a position of power or leadership. Feels that current difficulties are causing problems and he is unable to progress further. Determined and commanding he strives for his goals despite the obstacles he faces.
Your Stress Sources
"Avoids pressure from others and insists on developing his individual independence. Wants to make up his own mind with resistance from others or outside forces, and needs the freedom to make his own decisions. Wants to be looked at as a wise individual whose opinions are respected, and has a hard time admitting he is wrong. Can be reluctant to accept or understand other people's opinions or point of view."
Your Restrained Characteristics
Open and emotionally involved in relationships and easily finds satisfaction through sexual activity.
Giving more than he is getting back and feels misunderstood and unappreciated. Feels he is being forced into compromising and even his close relationships leave him feeling emotionally distant.
"Insists his hopes and ideas are realistic and achievable, but needs encouragement and support. His self-centeredness can cause him to take things too personally."
Current events have him feeling forced to make bargains and put aside his own desires for now. He is able to find satisfaction and happiness through sexual activity.
Your Desired Objective
"Is very goal oriented and driven, and does not allow things to distract him from reaching his goals. Overcomes all obstacles he is faced with. Wants to gain recognition and a good reputation for his successes."
Your Actual Problem
"Enjoys making new plans and goals, but needs to be respected and admired for the things he accomplishes."
Your Actual Problem #2
"Fights resistance or limitations, and insists he is free to develop in his own way. Rewarded by accomplishing things on his own, with little to no help from others."
I was shocked how well this matched me... now YOU try!
http://colorquiz.com/
Mew?
General | Posted 13 years agoAll the emotions... just all of them...
Also PENIS!
Also PENIS!
Walking along..
General | Posted 13 years agoI'm sorry for not posting or really drawing anything at all lately, it seems every time I sit down to do something my mind has wandered to something else, wanting an answer I could never have. So its going to be a long time before I draw anything... I don't know how I'm going to deal with this...
I haven't walked alone like this since I was 13 years old and I'm really not familiar with how to go about this at all... I have good friends... and I am VERY glad for that... but friends cannot offer what I need right now... or even what I need in general.
The fact of the matter is... right now... the walls that were closing in are turning to sand and I'm starting to feel like I'm being buried alive... and I don't even know how to feel right now besides sad.. if I'm lucky someday things will get better I just really don't see how... nor even am I sure I want them to
I don't want kind words...
I don't want sympathy...
I don't want people to tell me I'll get over it...
I WANT what I can't HAVE... and that is the long and short of it
I haven't walked alone like this since I was 13 years old and I'm really not familiar with how to go about this at all... I have good friends... and I am VERY glad for that... but friends cannot offer what I need right now... or even what I need in general.
The fact of the matter is... right now... the walls that were closing in are turning to sand and I'm starting to feel like I'm being buried alive... and I don't even know how to feel right now besides sad.. if I'm lucky someday things will get better I just really don't see how... nor even am I sure I want them to
I don't want kind words...
I don't want sympathy...
I don't want people to tell me I'll get over it...
I WANT what I can't HAVE... and that is the long and short of it
Lucky me!
General | Posted 13 years agoRight now my biggest worry is that I cant get a commission from anyone I like, because they don't accept them, or in a few cases I cannot even NEARLY afford them.
In my opinion that means my life is going pretty darn well.
In my opinion that means my life is going pretty darn well.
Debt and it's consequences...
General | Posted 13 years ago Due to prolonged indigence... better known as poorness.. I have managed to... despite, working... and fighting against it have begin to claim control of my life...
My finances ar in shambles and continue to decline because I... and I will admit it now... have a DUI and it is WRECKING my life... without the support of close people like GothicPaladin, who is my Love, and benevolent friends like SonicSpirit128 and PB_Mutt and PB_Tiger among others I would be unable to to persist through the eroding and degrading times that everyday tear at my soul and drag me down... and despite this i wish to mention a few others...
FoxyStallion, who has stuck by me... Eliana, Addik Otter, Anari Otter, Kamunt Cat, Tidus Mosley, Nico The Otter... and many more... I want to draw for you... but I am so restricted it is difficult... you WILL have your Requests.. I PROMISE IT... For Now I am bound by rules beyond my ability to circumvent... and when this restrictive DUI is over you will have all I can offer as a person and MORE... I can only thank you ALL for everything...
My finances ar in shambles and continue to decline because I... and I will admit it now... have a DUI and it is WRECKING my life... without the support of close people like GothicPaladin, who is my Love, and benevolent friends like SonicSpirit128 and PB_Mutt and PB_Tiger among others I would be unable to to persist through the eroding and degrading times that everyday tear at my soul and drag me down... and despite this i wish to mention a few others...
FoxyStallion, who has stuck by me... Eliana, Addik Otter, Anari Otter, Kamunt Cat, Tidus Mosley, Nico The Otter... and many more... I want to draw for you... but I am so restricted it is difficult... you WILL have your Requests.. I PROMISE IT... For Now I am bound by rules beyond my ability to circumvent... and when this restrictive DUI is over you will have all I can offer as a person and MORE... I can only thank you ALL for everything...
So happy!
General | Posted 13 years agoMy art has dramatically improved... and it seems I have an affinity for sculpting fur-suit heads! Somehow... despite my inward an invisible pessimism I am exceptionally proud of myself... I will scan something soon to try and offer a glimpse of how I've grown... Hopefully those of you who have stuck by me will find it an interesting piece to look at!
To those who are unaware...
General | Posted 13 years agoAnimalympics is so GODDAMN awesome...
Prepare yourselves!
General | Posted 13 years agoToday Ive got my scanner running and I'm gonna scan in all the finished pieces I've done! I don't know how to touch em up in photo-wahhozit but I'll post em all in raw format.
Hope you Like!
Hope you Like!
Update on life!
General | Posted 14 years agoSo! Despite getting a job and the whole relocation thing and stuffs, I am still desperately in need of at LEAST 25 dollars by the 23rd... ohhhh so nervous... I don't wanna be late payin' my bills!
Hope
General | Posted 14 years agoFor years now I've seen tragedy, pain, suffering and horrors that some people could never reconcile... but its given me one thing I have failed to embrace... hope, and an appreciation for the future that is laid out before me like a blank canvas. I need to Stop losing myself in the utterly dismal feelings of my situation and rise above them, like I feel I was meant to.
I'm sorry...
General | Posted 14 years ago(Message Redacted)
Above Human Intellegence
General | Posted 14 years agoAs a thought, what does it mean? Above Human Intelligence... Humans as a species have accumulated a vast wealth of knowledge, which we have used to build wondrous and even miraculous technologies. But alone, one human animal... are we so intelligent? Do we truly understand a great deal more than a chimpanzee or Bonobono? An Gorilla or and Orangutan? To be honest I don't believe so... we.. as humans have a greater capacity for LEARNING and MEMORY than your average vertebrate, but truly... nothing more.
Even now I rely on spell-check more than simple language to repair my blatant mistakes...
Even now I rely on spell-check more than simple language to repair my blatant mistakes...
Of Scanners and Frustration
General | Posted 14 years ago So I finally went out and bought myself a nice new 25 dollar scanner, I admit its a LITTLE pricey bit hey, you know if you want quality.... anyways yeah. So on THAT note, once I calm down I will be uploading lotsa stuff, I just need to find the motivation to hook up the new scanner...
SO! On to life...
Recently friends of mine have been disappearing without a trace and with no explanation as to where or why, and honestly I'm at a loss. It has me worried scared and confused... Honestly I wonder if it was something I did, or if they're sick? Have the left? Was something the matter? Its frustrating for me not having a reason... I'd rather hear that I was a terrible person and that I ruined their lives with excessive attempts at kindness than to hear nothing at all, tearing myself up with curiosity... But alas there is no way to know... who knows if they might come back... maybe its all a big misunderstanding like I'm hoping it is, but honestly... its driving me more than a little nuts wondering what the hell is up. Call it whining, I don't care honestly, I'm more worried than anything.
EDIT: As some people seem to think this is me bitching and whining about whatever, honestly I'm posting all of this for the people who want to hear from me... its not about crying for attention or help... I just feel like posting whats going on, because people ask me, so rather than answering a hundred times, I'm posting a journal, and will continue to do so good or bad
SO! On to life...
Recently friends of mine have been disappearing without a trace and with no explanation as to where or why, and honestly I'm at a loss. It has me worried scared and confused... Honestly I wonder if it was something I did, or if they're sick? Have the left? Was something the matter? Its frustrating for me not having a reason... I'd rather hear that I was a terrible person and that I ruined their lives with excessive attempts at kindness than to hear nothing at all, tearing myself up with curiosity... But alas there is no way to know... who knows if they might come back... maybe its all a big misunderstanding like I'm hoping it is, but honestly... its driving me more than a little nuts wondering what the hell is up. Call it whining, I don't care honestly, I'm more worried than anything.
EDIT: As some people seem to think this is me bitching and whining about whatever, honestly I'm posting all of this for the people who want to hear from me... its not about crying for attention or help... I just feel like posting whats going on, because people ask me, so rather than answering a hundred times, I'm posting a journal, and will continue to do so good or bad
Gameplay
General | Posted 14 years ago Lately I've been spending an inordinate amount of time working on a game I've been working at for the better part of lets see... 2 or 3 years...I've put the mechanics in the hands of someone trusted by a close friend. Whether or not that pans out I will, within months, post the supreme file detailing the entire layout of the world, its people, the rules and minute details of the game itself. Complete or not I need more than my own insight, shallow as it may be, into a world of fantasy. Take time to real if you wound when it arrives... it would mean a great deal. For now I leave with the assurance that my requests are underway, and though I am unable to post, I am working full steal towards improvement, and completion of my requests.
Please, when the time comes, feedback on my... game, would be immensely helpful, positive or negative.
-Kilani
Please, when the time comes, feedback on my... game, would be immensely helpful, positive or negative.
-Kilani
Update
General | Posted 14 years agoSo i HAVE been workin' on all those requests but as of yet, still no scanner, and still no money. I PROMISE I'll get em al done and posted eventually but for now I search for work, and doodle in my free time for all of you! Son hang in there! I wanna show you what I can do!
Drama, really?
General | Posted 14 years agoIt sickens me to the core that I'm even writing this, because I don't feel like crying to strangers is fair of me, in face it often seems like crying or complaining at all is an affront to others.. An insult..
Normally I would like to feel like I am somehow immune to it. Drama that is... The truth is I internalize it, I have very few pains in my life that I'm actually able to admit to myself. but lately I've found a few linger close to the surface, despite all my attempts to reconcile or quash them.
I'm not one to hate, I'm not one to hold grudges, but for some reason I've been in agony for almost a year now, I can't explain it. I want to believe I'm the kind of person who gets over things easy, I've been betrayed before... I've been violated and abused, and after all of it, I managed to learn to cope in under a year... Not this, I wont be specific, because I don't want my personal conflicts to open up a whole can of worms. I just want to vent... its not even hate anymore... I was angry for a time yes... but now all I feel is like I have a wound that wont heal, that CAN'T heal... and I don't know why.
Was it my fault and I'm not admitting it? Was I blind? Did I screw up? I can't tell... I've gone over things over and over a thousand ways, and I know it would have always turned out the same... Am I just a bad person? Did I really deserve to be betrayed so fully that to this day I cannot even begin to recover?
The truth is, I know how unbelievably stupid it is to even care, I know that the entire thing is as worthless to care about as spilling coffee on the driveway... but I'm still in pain... and I still can't get over it... I thought I was kind... I thought I was good... I can't understand where I went wrong... and I cant begin to guess how to get over it...
Maybe I'm just broken... maybe I invest myself too much in every single person I meet... Or maybe, just maybe I'm a terrible person...
Normally I would like to feel like I am somehow immune to it. Drama that is... The truth is I internalize it, I have very few pains in my life that I'm actually able to admit to myself. but lately I've found a few linger close to the surface, despite all my attempts to reconcile or quash them.
I'm not one to hate, I'm not one to hold grudges, but for some reason I've been in agony for almost a year now, I can't explain it. I want to believe I'm the kind of person who gets over things easy, I've been betrayed before... I've been violated and abused, and after all of it, I managed to learn to cope in under a year... Not this, I wont be specific, because I don't want my personal conflicts to open up a whole can of worms. I just want to vent... its not even hate anymore... I was angry for a time yes... but now all I feel is like I have a wound that wont heal, that CAN'T heal... and I don't know why.
Was it my fault and I'm not admitting it? Was I blind? Did I screw up? I can't tell... I've gone over things over and over a thousand ways, and I know it would have always turned out the same... Am I just a bad person? Did I really deserve to be betrayed so fully that to this day I cannot even begin to recover?
The truth is, I know how unbelievably stupid it is to even care, I know that the entire thing is as worthless to care about as spilling coffee on the driveway... but I'm still in pain... and I still can't get over it... I thought I was kind... I thought I was good... I can't understand where I went wrong... and I cant begin to guess how to get over it...
Maybe I'm just broken... maybe I invest myself too much in every single person I meet... Or maybe, just maybe I'm a terrible person...
Comissions? No.. Taking Requests!
General | Posted 14 years agoWith my recent "Art Revival" so to speak I've found myself at a loss for what it is I want to draw, i keep sitting down and staring at the paper for 45 minutes at a time without coming up with anything interesting and so I turn to my friends and watchers to ask them to send me notes on what to draw, personal requests are welcome and appreciated!
I want to improve, but I'm always so not-creative...
And I will however require time to post them even after completion as I will be needing a scanner!
I have 10 Slots Open! Looking forward to Input!
1.
pricther - 1/2 Complete
2.
donniten Complete!
3.
eliana 0/1 Pieces Complete
4.
Foxystallion 0/1 Pieces Complete
5.
Kamunt 0/1 Pieces Complete
6.
Tidus0203 0/1 Pieces Complete
7.
nicokialalai 0/1 Pieces Complete
8. kamunt 0/1 Pieces Complete
9.
arlia 0/1 Pieces Complete
10.
I want to improve, but I'm always so not-creative...
And I will however require time to post them even after completion as I will be needing a scanner!
I have 10 Slots Open! Looking forward to Input!
1.
pricther - 1/2 Complete2.
donniten Complete!3.
eliana 0/1 Pieces Complete4.
Foxystallion 0/1 Pieces Complete5.
Kamunt 0/1 Pieces Complete6.
Tidus0203 0/1 Pieces Complete7.
nicokialalai 0/1 Pieces Complete8.
kamunt 0/1 Pieces Complete9.
arlia 0/1 Pieces Complete10.
