sometimes I just need to disappear... for 3 years. Funny how life can just up and fuck you like that. Still, I'm back, and much worse for wear, but hey...


I'm still here.

It's painfully obvious that regardless of if I thought I was over my friend stabbing me in the back and leaving me to the wolves, the wound still exists, and probably has only festered.

One thing. One little thing. Seeing her new profile has brought up so many buried, broken feelings that incite emotional agony.


How long does it take to get over the betrayal of someone you thought you could trust completely?

I'm such a fuck up. I can't even hold on to my best of friends.

My best friend left me to the wolves two days ago. No explanation, no reason, and no obvious motive. Last time I spoke to her everything was fantastic.

two days later, though, she blocks me on everything and won't answer the phone or my texts.


I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHY, WHAT I DID WRONG.

ALL | ABOUT | ME
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- Name: Logan by birth, Luna by choice.
- Single or taken: tragically single.
- Sex: male by birth, I Identify as female though.
- Birthday: 7/24/1990
- Sign: leo
- Hair color: dirty blonde or brownish
- Eye color: Hazel/blue... they range from grey to bright blue
- Height: 6'2
- Are you straight/bisexual/gay?: that one is a bit complex. Since I identify as a woman, I consider myself lesbian but from the outside it seems I'm a straight male.
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S P E C I F I C S
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- What kind of shampoo do you use?: some green apple scent stuff, it's great :3
- What are you listening to right now?: the sounds from B Gata H Kei
- Who is the last person that called you?: uh... Good question
- How many buddies are online right now?: like 8
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F A V O R I T E S
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- Animal: Cats
- Color: Green or black
- Drink: anything that tastes good.
- Element: Fire
- Food: oh god.. so many to pick. um... I love Chinese
- Game: idk, probably wow, I play that too much. Deus Ex? idk.
- Movie: Probably scott pilgrim
- Song: Broken heart by Motion City Soundtrack
- Subjects in school: science, history
- # American Dad, adventure time, etc. i don't watch much tv
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H A V E | Y O U | E V E R
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- Given anyone a bath: nope.
- Smoked?: hookah.
- Bungee jumped?: nope
- Made yourself throw up?: only if overexertion counts
- Skinny dipped?: yup. not recently.
- Ever been in love?: nope.
- Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: Who hasn't?
- Pictured your crush naked?: I have.
- Actually seen your crush naked?: Nope, it never works out that way.
- Cried when someone died?: yeah... I cried when my grandpa and my friend bee died
- Lied: if anyone says no, they're lying
- Fallen for your best friend?: yeah...
- Used someone?: no.
- Done something you regret?: who hasn't?
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C U R R E N T
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- Clothes: some intel shirt and jeans
- Desktop picture: a fox
- CD in player: people still use those?
- DVD in player: uh... I don't have a dvd player, I have a blu ray drive and it's empty

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L A S T | P E R S O N
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- You touched: uh... ryan probably, I poked his head.
- Hugged: My lesbian friend Tru
- You kissed: Hm, I dunno
- You IMed:  Nissa_Lion
- Talk to online: um...  Nissa_Lion
- You sexed it up with: bah you'd think I'm a virgin but I'm not. Last person was 4 years ago and I try to forget her.
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A R E | Y O U
___________________________________________________________________________

- Understanding?: I try to be, but I tend to lose patience with closed minded people.
- Open-minded?: Yep
- Arrogant?: not at all. Arrogance would imply I have something to be arrogant about.
- Insecure?: Sometimes. Being trans has a way of compounding the issue
- Random?: Sometimes. I can be
- Hungry?: nope. Full.
- Smart?: Yup
- Moody?: Yup yup
- Organized?: Lol, that's rich. Me? Organized?
- Shy?: Oh yeah, at least at first.
- Difficult?: Sometimes. I try not to be.
- Bored easily?: very.
- Entertained easily?: by the dumbest stuff.
- Obsessed?: not really.
- Lazy?: I try not to be but I am by nature haha
- Angry?: No
- Happy?: Yes
- Hyper?: yup, sometimes.
- Trusting?: yeah, I tend to trust people too easily.
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R A N D O M
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- In the morning I: sleep till it's not morning again.
- Love is: apparently afraid of visiting me.
- I dream about: my worst dreams are about lack of control - my best ones about falling in love. How cliche.
- What do you notice first in the sex you're into: I tend to notice smiles and faces first. I'll admit it, I notice figure as well, but I'm really a sucker for a good smile.
___________________________________________________________________________

W H O
___________________________________________________________________________

- Makes you laugh the most: ryan
- Makes you smile: My friends
- Gives you a funny feeling when you see him/her: funny feeling? tons of people. Funny good feeling? there's no point in mentioning her by name because she's out of my league anyways.
___________________________________________________________________________

D O | Y O U | E V E R
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- Sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to IM you?: some times.
- Wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: pretty much every day of my life.
- Wish you were younger?: no.
- Cry because someone said something to you?: not usually but some times I do.
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N U M B E R
___________________________________________________________________________

- Of times I have had my heart broken?: I lost count.
- Of CD's I own: none. someone stole all of my cds
- Of scars on my body: a lot, I was a stupid kid.
- Of bones I've broken: 5 and 3 teeth.

I've known I was a transgender woman for a long time. I knew something was wrong when I was a kid, and I figured it out more and more as time went on. Now that I'm out...

I'm as lost, confused, and scared as I've ever been.

I haven't come out to my family, nor some of my best friends. I have a very religious social circle, growing up in a christain home with devoutly christain parents. I want to tell my parents so bad, I love them more than they could ever know, but I am so terrified about what they would think. What my grandma would think, what my friends would think.

I wish I could just start HRT and get the surgery right away, but I cannot afford it, nor can I hide it very well from my family. I need to see a therapist, because I'm so scared about what to do, how it will effect my future, and what I CAN do, that I've had several panic attacks since I came out. I feel like I need to do something and what I'm doing isn't anywhere near enough.

I wish I had the money to pay for this myself. I would start right away. For now, I just want someone to hold me and let me cry if I need to. I want to fall asleep in someone's arms and feel protected, because I feel like the world is out to get me right now.

Worst of all, this is questioning my beliefs. I've undergone a pretty radical political view change in the last few months, but my religious views are much more intimidating. I've never been much of a stereotypical Christian. I've always had my doubts, questions and disagreements with the church. But now, looking at the mess in front of me, I can't help but wonder if there really is a deity at all. I can't imagine what sort of all knowing, all loving god would do this to me and everyone else who has ever suffered this.

I'm so afraid. This thing, this little thing that's resided in the back of my head for so many years has the potential to completely derail and change my life. It's a terrifying concept to acknowledge.

For the sake of detail and commissioning NSFW art, This journal contains content that may be considered explicit by some. Proceed at your own discretion.

This is a constant work in progress, it may contain conflicting info or typos. If you spot any, please point them out to me so that I can fix them!

Name: Lunara (Lun or Luna for short)
Species: Shiba Inu (she's poofeh :3)

Gender: Female

Orientation: Lesbian (homoromantic, panflexible)

Height:6'6 (ears included) 6'1 (top of head)

Hair: long, straight, naturally black hair with light highlights and tips. Straight part left of center on her scalp, which almost touches base of left ear, She has no bangs, just a part. Hair frequently covers right eye, partially or completely. Sometimes decorates hair with red or green ribbons. Will sometimes pin hair up out of her face when feeling confident or sociable.

Posture: digitigrade

Hands: Paw-like, but opposable digits, with claws and pads on palm and fingers. always paints her claw-nails, alternates between all one dark color, one vibrant color, many vibrant colors, and themes that tie into her outfit. Favorites are solid red with black horde symbol on middle claw of each hand, or neon rainbow when wearing colorful accents and accessories (swaps out all piercings for neon rainbow colored studs and barbells to match)

Eyes: Heterochromia iridum (different color irises) Her left eye is vibrant green, and her right eye is a deep blue.

coloration: Dark grey (almost black) fur with lighter (medium grey) fur on stomach, breasts, parts of face, part of butt and underside of tail. Top of snout is dark grey, sides are lighter shade, and facial features include two lighter grey spots on her forehead above eyebrows, pierced septum (standard barbell).

All of her skin that is visible (nose, paw pads, nipples and genitals, etc) are obsidian black.

Markings: black, thorny, heart shaped tattoo (dyed fur, that's how furry tats work in my version) in crotch region, small light colored crescent moon shaped birth mark located on dark grey fur of left buttcheek. She thinks it's the cutest shit ever. Because it is.

Body type: Curvy, not fat but not skinny as a rail. "squishy". On the chubbier side, but it just makes her that much cuter. She still rocks a bikini or some sexy undies. Wide hips. Some of it's fluff, some of it is her addiction to BK fries, and the rest is pure curvy cuteness.

Chest: D cup, natural breasts, soft and pillowy. Medium-small areolas. She has a little poof of fur at the top of the "valley" between her breasts, which she thinks is cute and likes to wear low or plunging necklines to show it off.

Tail: Fairly large, curls up and back, Shiba style. dark grey on top, medium on bottom. Maximum poof. Subconsciously wags her tail rapidly when excited, often thumping people around her accidentally. Her tail is very expressive and reflects her emotions, often against her will.

Ears: 5" tall, they stand up, and are angled somewhat outward when resting. Back of ear is same dark grey as body, inside fur is light grey, in-ear skin is obsidian black. Just as her tail is, her ears are extremely expressive, and they often reveal her unspoken emotions, especially when sad, scared, confused, angry, or jealous. They perk up to nearly vertical when excited.
Piercings: Three in each ear, belly button piercing. Wears standard barbells (silver or bright colors) in ears, and a crescent moon in her belly button. Doesn't always wear belly button piercing.

Accessories/clothing: black framed prescription glasses, wears them 85% of the time, but can see well enough to function without them. However, she can't read anything without them. Black zip-up hoodie with graffiti-esque stenciled horde symbol dead center (fall and winter), which is almost never fully zipped up, if not hanging open. Frequent use of small bows in hair, or one large bow at base of ear, opposite side from part in hair. Her every-day outfits usually consist of a band shirt, many of which are low-cut, v-necks, tanks, or strapped, and a studded belt coupled with a pleated black mini (not micro) skirt or mid-thigh shorts in summer, and black denim Dickies carpenter's pants in winter, which hang just below her heel and are loose fitting but not baggy. In the winter she is never without her Horde zip-up hoodie. She doesn't wear shoes because of her digitigrade posture - they simply do not fit the shape of her feet. She is always carrying a brown denim messenger bag with an image of a d20 and the words "Bag of Holding" on the flap, which she uses as a purse. Frequently walks around with earbuds in listening to music, and always surfing the web or playing games on her phone. inadvertently bumps into people a lot as a result.

Character- to those she does not know well or at all, she is very shy, quiet, reserved, and polite. When she is in familiar company, she is incredibly cheerful, energetic, goofy and somewhat loud. Has a somewhat dirty mind and often gets distracted by her runaway imagination when she sees cute people. She frequently covers her right eye with her hair to disguise her heterochromia when among strangers. She is proud of it, but gets sick of talking about it because tons of strangers ask about it. She is a firm believer that clothing, hobbies, and interests have no gender, and that people should wear and do what they love, not what others want them to. However, is still relatively feminine, and she's comfortable with who she is. She adores video games, nerdy stuff, cars, airplanes, and loves being outdoors and getting dirty, however, she still enjoys dressing up, adores gothic style, and loves to be girly. She talks really fast when she gets excited and/or nervous, says "dude" a lot, and gets flustered very easily around girls she thinks are cute. Although she tries to hide them, she has a very hard time disguising her emotions because her ears and tail reveal them, as they are extremely expressive. Clothing style could be described as "borderline gothic, always black" but she will often add colorful accent items such as ribbons, vibrant nail polish, and studs/barbells for her many piercings. She also loves Lolita and anything with bows and lace. Wears lots of band tees under her horde hoodie, and she carries around a messenger bag rather than a purse. It is made of brown denim style fabric and says "Bag of Holding". Accordingly, it contains a ton of D&D books, character sheets, and dice, as well as the usual amenities and toiletries. She often sneezes when she sees bright lights or walks outside on a sunny day, has an exceptional and often superfluous vocabulary, and she has a massive crush on her favorite band's singer, The Birthday Massacre's "Chibi". Although she often seems dark and brooding, she is quite upbeat and kind, although shy, and she will go out of her way to help even complete strangers who need a dose of kindness.