My birthday is in ten minutes (01/22/1987). Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy fucking birthday to me.

Oh and Syd's ref... tomorrow after work. That's the plan. But then BRB, packing and then Disney 'til Sunday night.

Yeah. Work early. Must sleep. *Pass out.*

I'll do a submission for this tomorrow but... new account:

Please watch me there! All future submissions will be to that account. Thanks.

I was going to change my username to SydFox today, but unfortunately the name is taken here on FA, and that user has passed on.

Mmmf... welp, registering something else I guess. ._.

I dunno, I like checking out new art sites and stuff, so someone invite my sorry ass! Nevermind, got that!

Also my birthday is the 22nd, and I'm going to DISNEY WORLD the 24th-27th YAY. I'm only gonna have like... maybe two whole days of Disney time though, since it's REALLY a company trip but... hey... DISNEY WORLD.

...I really need to finish Syd's ref... ughhh...

Holy shit I'm a nerd but NEW POKÉMON NEW POKÉMON NEW POKÉMON.

Yup, definitely starting with Fennekin.

Too bad it's not out 'til October. x.x; Looks fantastic though, I'm going to have to invest in a 3DS...

I've been dying for a 3D Pokémon adventure though. Ohhh man. <3

So, if you read my last journal you'd know that my coworker Angela passed away on the 31st.

I've been to a few funerals, but they were either for people in the congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses that my parents and I were in growing up, or for my Uncle Dan. I don't remember my Uncle Dan's funeral. I only remember that my Uncle Dan collected marbles, and everybody at the funeral was given marbles from his collection. Family got loads of marbles. We still have some at mom and dad's house to this day. I only met him once while he was alive. I remember that he and my Aunt Billie slept in twin beds, separate from each other. His death didn't really phase me though, nor did the older people that died at the Kingdom Hall.

Angela's funeral was the first I'd attended for someone that I knew fairly well, saw every day, and that effected my daily life. It was also my first Catholic Rosary. Since my husband wanted me to come with him to his coworker's wife's funeral a couple of years ago, I told him he had to come to this one. It just so happens that Gary is a confirmed Catholic, if non-practicing. He told me to expect the longest prayer ever. I'm thinkin' like... what, fifteen minutes, thirty tops? After all, the Mass wasn't until the next day, and I had no intention of attending that. Mass equals church, and... I'm not good with church.

So we put on the best clothes we could find and Gary took us to the funeral home. It had snowed most of the day, and it was cold as hell. So we got into this little funeral home and found a seat in the back, and just sat there... and everybody was sad and quiet and crying and keeping to themselves mostly. Sometimes, they'd go up to the front and look at the body. I... didn't have the courage to do that right off the bat, so we just waited. We got there early. I watched many of my coworkers come and then go after seeing her, since they only got to come on breaks.

Finally, the room filled up and the man at the front said that the Rosary was about to begin. We had been sitting for a while, so I thought we could give our seats to someone who had just come in, since the place was packed.

Then, the Rosary began.

Instead of just this prayer, they decided to read an excerpt from the Bible between prayers. It was the account of Jesus' Crucifixion, starting from his imprisonment, to his death. In between the verses, they said some sort of prayer, Hail Mary, and some other... things. I don't know anything about these things, so I stay quiet. My husband is behind me reciting them word for word with the rest of the people in the room. By the end of this hour-long prayer and scripture reading, my feet and knees were killing me... why did I wear my nice high-heeled boots to this and decide to stand during the Rosary, whyyy?!

At the end, they played a recording of someone, presumably Angie, singing a song in Spanish. Then, I... worked up the courage to make my way up to the open casket. When we were the fourth in line, I started to shake violently. The next person in line was crying hysterically at the sight of her. The person in front of us looked at her for only a moment, leaned down and kissed her cheek, and turned away. Just me and Gary... and Angela.

I'm not going to lie, I had been crying the whole day. But this was my first dead body, people... come on. She was so pretty, but the people who did her makeup made her too red or something, she didn't look like Angie. Not right. But there she was, gone... just Saturday I saw her alive. Anyway, by that time, the whole funeral home had crowded in behind me, and the small aisles were impassable and... I was having a panic attack. It was hot, and nobody was moving, and I was stuck in this writhing mass of... people.

Anyway, then we went back outside, and walked back through the snow and I didn't freeze this time because I was hot, and then I sobbed in the car all the way to IHOP and then we ate food and I felt better and... yeah.

It was a bit of culture shock, really. And it didn't seem like the kind of event Angela would have wanted for her funeral. It was much too sad and dark there, not like the funerals I'd been to before. I don't know.

Anyway, that was my first Rosary and funeral of an acquaintance. Not fun, but... eh, at least it's done. We'll miss you Angie, I just hope you didn't suffer too much. Rest well.

TL;DR Funerals suck. Rest in peace, Angela...

In other news, I should be submitting Syd's ref soon... when I get it finished. Which will be soon. I hope. Work is gonna suck this week, so we'll see.

Last night I had a brief but strange dream. I was at work, and all of my coworkers were going about their usual routines. Belinda was at the front framing table putting a frame together. Her head was down. I remember saying something to her, and when she looked up, she had a different coworker's face. Then another coworker came up, and his face had been changed to someone else's as well.

But that's all I remember! I can't find any info on dreams about people switching faces with each other. Anybody have any idea what it means? Or am I just crazy?

*Votes crazy.*

PS My coworker's funeral is on Friday. I'll probably be going, but I haven't been to a funeral for anybody that I knew before, and I don't know what to expect. ...Do... do people still wear black to those things? Hm.

2012 was a hell of a roller coaster ride. I didn't hate 2012, but we had our disagreements. 2012 and I ended on bad terms, though. 2012 proved that it could be a real bitch right up 'til the bitter end.

I don't know the details, but apparently yesterday morning one of my coworkers in the frame shop died. I had just seen her Saturday, and it's really still surreal. I wasn't that close with Angela, but I didn't hate her. Sure, she was usually lazy and when she played hooky from work I usually wanted to punch her but... I didn't wish something like this. I'd never lost an acquaintance before, and it hit me kind of hard...

I'm looking forward to 2013 though. I have many plans and I hope I can pull them off. Some of my resolutions; lose weight, make a comic, draw daily, smoke and drink a little less, etc...

This is a self-improvement year for sure. I have to make things better for myself, and make life worth living.

Things may get me down, bad things will surely still happen, but here's hoping that 2013 is better than the previous years for all of us.

Happy New Year, folks!

Today, I accidentally butt dialed myself while at work, and left myself a message.

Unfortunately, nothing interesting happened... it was almost three minutes of me unpacking photo frames' freight. :<

PS I'm going to Disney World in January bitches wheee!

That is all.

Ok, I want to make a new username to use like... everywhere, and along with it a new email address (because I've been getting spam everywhere). But I don't effing know what I should use for a username.

I do not want references to any of my TXL characters, including McKaela. My name can be used maybe, but... I dunno. I'd probably use Syd instead of Sydni.

I... I just can't think of anything. Fuck. Suggestions?

Some ideas sorta:
SydniFox? SydFox?

...Fuck I dunno.

Edit: I went with SydFox. Will probably change my FA name to SydFox in the near future. dA name too. Everything.

Yes, I'm still alive.

Tomorrow night I should have a surprise for everybody, hopefully before it actually becomes Halloween. Yes, a Halloween picture is in store for everybody. And I've cut it horribly close...

I can do no more tonight if I want to survive work in the morning. It's been hella stressful at work, since one of the big corporate guys is coming for a visit tomorrow. I seriously hope I get off at four as scheduled, and that I don't get fired.

Anyway, I have three characters left to shade and a few final details to add, like shadows. It should only take a few more hours, and then I'll post it up for all to see.

Sorry to my friend, who had her half of the collab (the entire, INCREDIBLE background) finished months ago. And sorry to those of you who couldn't be pictured. Also, sorry to all of you, because this is quite possibly the last Halloween picture I'm going to do, at least for a long while. The stress of recent events and this on top of everything is killing me, just like it has every time I've done one.

Not to mention a serious begging/bitching problem I've had with some people who wanted in. Sorry, I just can't do it. If people can't be glad that I've drawn something IN GENERAL then I don't think I want to be wasting my time on it.

Also, look forward to a new project coming soon, I hope. By my birthday, methinks. If the world doesn't end in December, anyway...

Night folks, gotta go read and pass out now.

TOMORROW NIGHT WATCH OUT FOR HALLOWEEN PIC.

Bring plenty of lamp shades!

Gary will be gone for two weeks starting Thursday. I am gonna have a blast, getting wasted... all by myself.

...

...

...

Fuck no, I won't miss him!

...

TLDR: Bitching about the fact that I have to do someone else's job tomorrow morning on my 'day off' and that people who shop in retail stores are disrespectful little twats that don't give a shit about their actions or who it effects.

Not TLDR: Last month, they hired some new bitch in framing at full time, when everybody else has to have part time and eventually earn full time. Nobody asked me if I wanted full time. I've worked there a year and a half, why would I want to make four more dollars an hour than I already do? But whatever, what's done is done.

John, our department head, has been gone to Las Vegas this week because he plans to move there as soon as he is able to. The new bitch ordered last week, and ordered EV-ER-Y-THING. Everything, everything. Took two days to get framing's freight out. She worked on what she ordered for photo frames.

Today when I came in, new bitch had not finished putting up photo frames. In fact, the same four totes and two boxes that I left in framing for her to put away? Didn't happen. She worked 1-Close last night, what the fuck could she have possibly been doing that prevented her from putting away her motherfucking freight? I don't know.

First thing that happened this morning? Mike, the store manager, came to me and asked me if I could come in tomorrow (day off) and finish the freight for photo frames. Now, is it just me, or shouldn't the bitch that ORDERED ALL OF THIS BULLSHIT be the one to put it away? I already did my share of all of framing's freight that this bitch ordered.

So why the fuck isn't SHE the one putting it away? Especially since John comes back tomorrow, and they are both going to be there in the morning. John is 9-Close, and she's 9-3, and I have to come in on MY FUCKING DAY OFF to put away freight for photo frames?! FUCK. THAT.

Not to mention the fact that Hobby Lobby was fucking trashed tonight. People are buying up shit for homecoming, and literally took everything in wearable arts off of the walls and threw it on the floor in their mad search for something for their retarded ass dance. Teresa, the assistant manager, stopped me at seven and asked me to zone wearables. I got to it at 7:30, and I FILLED A FUCKING SHOPPING CART TO THE BRIM with the shit that these people threw on the floors. Then, I put the whole cart away. By myself.

The store was so fucking trashed that we didn't clock out 'til 9:40. Mind, we close at eight. I'm in assloads of pain and I have to get up in the morning to do somebody else's job for them.

Fuck everything.

As for tonight, BRB, popping Tylenol PM 'til my legs stop aching and then passing the fuck out and hoping I die in my sleep. Or just sleep 'til Saturday.

I desperately need this vacation. Come on, Saturday. Just a little further...

A friend of mine has been looking for people interested in commissioning her. She has an amazing talent for dragons and FEET OH MY GOD I LOVE HER FEET. So go commission Blizzard you retards! Go on, DO IT!

IN OTHER NEWS:
I'm going to Sierra Vista on Saturday, bitches. Yeah, you all jelly.

Annnd, nothing else to report, move along.

Edit: Lol dA copy/paste job. Fixed.

First come, first serve. These slots will buy you a single character digital shaded image with no background, such as this. I will do tasteful nudity, but nothing weird guys. These will be completed by the end of the day on Sunday, August 12, 2012. PayPal only, and payment must be sent before I will begin.

1. Your name here!
2. Somebody's name here too!

In other news... there is no other news. That is all. Grab 'em up while you can!

Nevermind then, I guess people don't want to commission me...

I don't know why, but I woke up feeling lonely and shitty today. I shouldn't feel lonely and shitty, I've got plenty of attention friendwise lately.

Ah well.

In other news, in the next couple of weeks I'm thinking about opening commissions for some extra cash (cuz I'm running low on inspiration, wink wink). There will only be two slots for $30.00 each. It will be first come first serve. So, if you're interested, keep an eye out for it. I will probably open it up on Monday, and work on them on my next day off... which I don't know just yet, but Mike probably has the schedule up by now. Oh, and I will probably be doing four slots per month, that's my best guess anyway. If this works out. Cuz me and commissions... shit.

Also, if I owe you for a previous commission (I know who you are, and so do you), don't worry... I haven't forgotten about you. Still. I plan to refund the rest of you soon... or finish... or whatever I do. I don't know.

Anyway, I have to finish getting ready for work now, and then I have to go to work.

Fuck. Somebody shoot me.

PS. The commission slots will be for one character, no/simple background, full colour and shading. Just so you know... so you can save up your hard-earned cash and THROW IT AT ME.

PS2. Hey look, it's raining! Finally!

I hate most of my older art. I'm deleting that shit so that my gallery stops sucking.

Probably.

Maybe certain things are ok to poison yourself with. It makes me draw, anyway.

Lately, I've been doing things I probably shouldn't be doing.

And I've also been avoiding the things that I should.

I do this all the time. I've done this for years and years. At least some of it. I can't seem to make myself accomplish anything, and it drives me mad. And then I turn to things I probably shouldn't to just... forget. Forget that I'm a friendless loser stuck in the black hole of New Mexico, unable to leave. Forget that I haven't done a single meaningful piece of art since December. Forget that I've got a comic planned and need to work on that. No, I'd rather forget everything and play video games and listen to music and watch TV and veg out.

And watch my health go to hell. I mean what the fuck. I just had a UTI, now I have what feels like bronchitis. I keep getting sick, and I know why. Because I'm not exercising and I'm just fucking with my body and mind by putting things into it that don't belong there.

I think I'm done. I hope I'm done. I'm going to desperately try to work on my comic tonight, no matter what. I'm going to try to at least finish the script for the first chapter, and start on other shit that needs to be done, like character concepts, floor plans, and reference sheets.

Because if there's one thing I've learned from all this, even if time slows down... it still runs out eventually, and you look back and just see that you've wasted it. You could have been doing something beneficial. You could have accomplished something.

...But first, I have to fucking go to work. Fuck. Bye ya'll. Maybe tonight I'll be a changed woman. Otherwise, I'll be off in my own little world again, playing fucking video games while listening to fucking music. Because that's all I ever fucking do.

Alright, so... as some of you may know, I got in an accident today. Yes, I'm fine.

What happened? Well...

I was bringing my coworker home after we went to Walmart to pick some stuff up. I was on a two lane road, and about to turn left onto her street. I had my turn signal on, and I was stopped because cars were coming. We were about a block from her house.

Then, I glanced up to check my rearview. I noticed that the car behind me was not slowing down. At all. Maybe she didn't see me or something, I don't really know. But, my first reaction was to start yelling, "No, no, no, no!" Because my Buick is my baby...

My second, and most important reaction, though, was that I let off my brake and hit the gas. I suppose that must have given her just enough room to stop, because she barely tapped me.

The lady behind her, though, slammed right into her.

Now, I had no idea what the extent of the damage was at this point, but I was pretty angry, because when I saw how bad of shape the other two were in, I thought mine must be in pretty bad shape too.

When I got out, though, I found that my car was pretty much unharmed. http://sta.sh/#/d20mzmveitxb Yes, this is the extent of my damage. You may need a magnifying glass.

The other two... were not so lucky. The lady that hit me was like seventy-something. So unsurprisingly, she ended up leaving in an ambulance. I think she was alright for the most part, but I don't honestly know. But here's her car. http://sta.sh/#/d18u1dm8yaj1 http://sta.sh/#/d17xoiibard5 http://sta.sh/#/dkptpw0253w And here's the front, where she hit me... yeah, hardly any damage, again. Maybe a bit of my paint. http://sta.sh/#/d179ols5e7tg Oh, and here's her back window. http://sta.sh/#/d1cku617oxuf

The third lady was not alone, but had her two kids with her. They were fine, and so was she, but she was pretty upset, because she was driving either without a license, or on a suspended license. For such a big Chevy, she really took a hard hit. http://sta.sh/#/d1oggumhcj9v http://sta.sh/#/d1i1wdouu8zj Her suburban had to be towed.

Honestly, the worst part for me was the fact that I stood out there in the boiling hot sun for about an hour dealing with the whole police report thing and whatnot. So, I'm roasted. Ugh.

But yeah, that's... that's what happened. Yay.

Pictures to come later, I'm about to head to work. I'm fine, and so is my car, but it was pretty crazy. I'll update later.

Car broke down. Somebody stole Gary's debit card number.

...Today is a good day. Because I'm drunk now, therefore it is a good day...

NOTHING ELSE TO REPORT MOVE ALONG.

I haven't posted a journal in a while. I figured I'd do a quick update. Nothing worth reading though, move along.

So like... two weeks ago I was in Sierra Vista visiting my family and my best friend. Then we came home and I was sad.

And while I was gone my favourite boss ever was transferred away and we got a new one that everybody hates. He hasn't bothered me yet though, so I'm witholding judgement. I do miss Joni though.

Also, on Thursday I woke up with a sore throat. And now I have a horrible cold. Yesterday was the worst, I'm getting better today. My breakfast this morning consists of Mountain Dew with Emergen C in it, DayQuil, and a multivitamin.

I have to leave for work in thirty minutes. It's freight day.

Any attempts at creativity have been thwarted lately. I start to think that I'm going to work on a comic, but then I can't think of anything. And then I start to think, I don't even know what anything looks like. I can't go changing things around after I solidify them in comic form. Like the way MK's house looks. Etc. So I'm like, I gotta make a floorplan, and a general layout for the fortress. And then... my brain turns into soup and my dog drinks it out of my ear.

Um... also I can't think of anything funny. Like. Yeah, it's mostly a srs bsns comic but there's gotta be funny moments, and something to hook the audience in. Or something. I dunno. I'm just braindead and thinking out... well not 'loud' but... you know.

Well fuck it, I'm going to finish off my caffeine and pill cocktail now.

Gary didn't get the job...

BRB, killing myself...