my name is Zelda Diane Amarita MacNamaer. my SecondLife name is Annabella Cerveau. i am Owned and Loved by Xarious Edo.

today was a trying day for me, where i discovered one more reason not to drink and i shared fully the feelings i have for my sister, Cecily.

i learned today that when i drink, i get lonely. my isolation in RL becomes enhanced, as i am mute, and that is a major hinderance even when i am sober. my loneliness today, however, made me need Master even more greatly thank i normally do, and many of my insecurities were magnified. i was like a drug addict, unable to get enough to take the edge off. it scared me, how deep i found my need to submit runs as i realized i would gladly sacrifice everything... absolutely everything to be His in RL as well. i know, however, that i am not emotionally ready for that step, as memories of Jay still haunt me daily.

i also shared how i truly feel for Cecily by sending her the song "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother" by the Hollies. i chose this song to send as it tells of the love shared by sibblings, and Cecily is the closest i have to a sibbling now.... my RL brother is now a woman, an my RL sister hasn't spoken to me in over a year. i know Cecily doesn't feel for me the way i feel for her, but i still need her to know how i feel... and i can hope that i will someday matter to her the way she matters to me