The memorial that was hosted in honor of  Spottedsqueak /  Forest-wolf was incredibly beautiful. I got to attend all of it, though unfortunately VRChat crashed on my computer, so I just watched it from Twitch.

It's been a long couple weeks, and I think I'm able to formulate something to say in honor of him that I wanted to get out. Seeing so many people speak and send in voice recordings was awesome, and while I regret not doing so myself, I think this way works better. I'll get to why.


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I've been in the fandom for almost 16 years. I want to say I've known of Forest for 10 of the., and only really got to interacting with him around 6 years ago when I joined his Patreon. Like many others, I of course was anxious around him. Incredible artist with so many followers and such an active career. It's just nice being able to support someone who's art I love!

As time grew on, I got to chat with him here and there. Primarily in his streams and other times in his discord server. Everytime, he's always so bubbly and silly and just all around playful with people.

That grew into talking in DMs here and there. Despite how busy he must have been, he always made time to talk and hang out with people. Maybe not that day, but he made it happen! Heh, it happened enough that I found myself randomly messaging him silly things out of the blue like we were the closest of friends, and from everything I've heard, I'm sure that's how he felt too.

It was 3 years ago when doing sketch responses to questions he'd been asked that I found out that my sona was one of the OCs he crushed on! The specific question was "Has Fomo ever had a romantic and/or non-glottonous attraction to anyone. If so, who and why?" That silly Wuff sent it to me and just laughed at my flustered reaction. Just casually made my day, abd it was just something normal for him. But I loved it so much that I had that kind of effect on him. It made things easier with me reaching out to him!

He'd known about me being a writer and my misgivings about it. While I do love writing short stories, I know it's not something that woulf get nearly as much attention as artwork. In response, he told me this after I'd given him a gift I'd written. "Some people only read a story for the vore, but I find it's much more fun to have things established, so the characters actually feel like they're grounded in a setting, and so they have more depth to them! You do make it fun, writing interactions and dialogue seems like a strength of yours! ❤️"

That has and always will stick with me. Getting praised like that felt so great and heartwarming. And he'd continue to cheer me on whenever he read something I wrote.

*Deep breath* I got the news when I was still at work. A number of friends just suddenly saying how much they loved me and that they were there for me. I was just confused overall, but thanked each of them for it. It wasn't until I went into the server that I really got the gravity of what happened. Someone who I admired as a friend and a supportive voice of my work was gone... I immediately went into shock and had to go out and sit in my car. Just 2 days prior, I was talking to him in his stream and joking like normal, and then I just find out he's gone...

Of the 5 stages of grief, for the longest time, all I felt was anger. A lot of you might know, but a few months ago, I/we lost another friend and member of the community  TheFurryFromTheDark. And literally last month, we lost  Dragoneer. I was angry at this fucked up year that's taken the most out of me emotionally than I've ever felt. Angry at my job for not allowing me to be home to comfort people who needed it in a horrible time like this. And angry at myself for so easily I'm able to mask how broken up I am. I felt like I didn't even care that someone who ment so much more than I even knew wasn't here anymore. I just ended up zeroing in on my work even more, I was scared to go home and deal with reality, and it was the same the next day. I even did overtime that day because I just didn't want to go back home.

My friends went out of their way to comfort me and even more people I hadn't talked to reached out to me to help. Bit it wasn't until I read  lukesnowcat goodbye story that I had an emotional breakdown. I was sitting in a call with friends, and just had to leave because every other stage of grief just exploded out all at once. Kim is someone else who I admire so much and has been so strong for others, despite knowing she's one of the people hurting the most from this. That story was the mental visual I needed that really made all of this real. And fuck did it hurt so much, but it was something I really needed.

There are 2 quotes from the musical "Hamilton" that really speak to me for this situation. And with them, I'm going to talk to those who dearly miss him, and to Forest directly with them.

"You have no control. Who lives, who dies, who tells your story." Forest, you've been such an incredible person to know and have fun with. My time hanging out with you was so disgustingly short, but I loved it so much. And so did so many others! You were such an absolute beacon of positive vibes and happiness. You're not going to be forgotten because these people who cherish you will happily tell the stories they had with you.

"Legacy. What is a legacy? It's planting seeds in a garden you never get to see." I don't even know if you knew what you did for so many, but everyone who has met you has had nothing but happiness come out of it as far as I've seen. No, you don't get to see it, but the legacy you left is the seeds of positivity in so many. The community you foster is so incredible and came together immediately through all the pain and hurt to comfort each other. And while it's not a garden, you absolutely have a goddamn forest being made in your name! I don't remember the number, but close to 300 trees are being planted in your name. All because of who you are.

I have to finish this, but I wanna say for me I want to cherish the praise you gave me. I hate that I've fallen off with it, but I will continue my writing. I'm making sure to go by your example and be as positive and loving as I can. I've reconnected with people I thought I would never speak to again and I want to keep showing my friends how much they mean to me, like you always showed.

I love and appreciate everything you've done. I've never been much for religion, but if there is a place waiting for us on the other side, I truly hope we meet again.

Thank you Forest. Rest well.