I lack anonymity on all the other sites I frequent. Someone I don't want reading these thoughts would find it and make my life a living hell over it, so I share it here... Mostly because I just need to get it out.

Never in my life have I felt more like I'm being judged by my significant other. Every move, every word, every attempt at intimacy or affection judged by a cold, half-lidded Italian eye. Such a depth of emotion I feel for this man, but not once have I felt as though he truly wanted to be with me. Wanted to be with someone, anyone, but now that he has me... Doesn't want me.

I don't want this to end in pain and tears, I've shed so many for him already that it doesn't seem fair. The whole while his emotionless face paints me a picture of apathy and disdain. I'm aware of how hard his life is for him, but does it take that much extra effort to reciprocate affection?

To hug someone you care deeply for and have them stare down at you, unmoving... At times it seems I'm an inconvenience to him simply by existing. And always it's the one you love the most that hurts you the worst.

I simply do not know what to do, think, or say.