In January I was super hyped to start writing Kingspine. I had a lot of hopes and dreams for what it could be, but as I got into it I realized that I really am out of my depth. I'm still encountering a lot of writer's block, I've come against the idea of just starting fresh, I've questioned my skills as a creator. It's been tough. I still want to write "something" but I guess my mind just hasn't figured out what it is yet. I'll admit I feel like a fool for making that journal entry in January because I was so excited at the time that I got swept up in it. I discovered that I'm the kind of guy that looks before he leaps which is a terrible trait to have when tyring to write something that's a long form narrative. I wanted to just get started without even knowing where I wanted it to end. Another issue that I came across was that I didn't really... don't know who Sly is. I look at him and all I see is a happy lil guy just doing things to make people smile. He's always been this whimsical little bean that blows bubbles and makes jokes. I realized that I don't know what kinds of trials and tribulations I want to put him through, maybe because I don't want to "hurt" him? Maybe because I don't want to confront stuff about myself? This whole debacle has made me very introspective and made me question a lot about myself and who I currently am. I mean, I've spent so long writing smut for other people, have I just warped how I write actual narratives?

A part of me likes to think that if I didn't have to work for a living that this would be easy. That the creative juices would flow like an infinite geyser. But I know that's not the truth. I got nothing to draw upon. Or at least nothing that I think is usable. Lately it's all felt like one step forward and three steps back. I question if I should take a long break from writing fiction. Rediscover what I want in life as a person. But then I'd also feel like I'm giving up too soon and that I'd feel inferior to my friends that constantly pursue their creative passions.

If you took the time to read all of this, I appreciate it. I suppose I just wanted to vent and also give an update to where I am and where Kingspine is. I understand that this website isn't exactly known for it's SFW stories but I just wanted to be transparent about my feelings. I haven't given up on writing yet. I still want to give it a shot. Just don't be surprised if Kingspine continues in a different direction or with a brand new coat of paint.