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The second chapter explaining who Crimson Thunder is. If the beginning doesn't make much sense, that's because it starts immediately after the first chapter ends, literally. In this chapter we meet more characters, and get to see a bit more of Charlie. Nothing really happens until the end, but it ends just as suddenly as the first one.
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Category Story / Pokemon
Species Pokemon
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 55.5 kB
Listed in Folders
*30 seconds in*
(Don´t wan´t to annoy you or something, but just in case)
"It sounded to(o) high pitched to be his voice."
"quiet. Those claws make a noise on the tile(s).” (though I might be wrong on this one)
"Charlie sighed and made himself a some food" I feel dirty.
"and dragged her off, shot the Absol. Point blank"
*2 hours later*
That was just like the first time.
Still a superb job.
(might feel "rushed" but it was necessary for the sake of length)
Well done.
(Don´t wan´t to annoy you or something, but just in case)
"It sounded to(o) high pitched to be his voice."
"quiet. Those claws make a noise on the tile(s).” (though I might be wrong on this one)
"Charlie sighed and made himself a some food" I feel dirty.
"and dragged her off, shot the Absol. Point blank"
*2 hours later*
That was just like the first time.
Still a superb job.
(might feel "rushed" but it was necessary for the sake of length)
Well done.
First mistake, damn it.
Second 'mistake', personal preference, both work.
Third mistake, damn it. That one's just pathetic, should have caught it when looking it over. Changed it from 'a sandwich' to 'some food' without removing the 'a'.
Fourth 'mistake', emphasis, Should have used a semicolon.
I know I'm not the best when it comes to grammar, as seen by some the mistakes I make. But as a writer without a proofreader, I'd say I do pretty well for myself.
Second 'mistake', personal preference, both work.
Third mistake, damn it. That one's just pathetic, should have caught it when looking it over. Changed it from 'a sandwich' to 'some food' without removing the 'a'.
Fourth 'mistake', emphasis, Should have used a semicolon.
I know I'm not the best when it comes to grammar, as seen by some the mistakes I make. But as a writer without a proofreader, I'd say I do pretty well for myself.
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