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This one messes me up a little, it didnt help that I was drawing these pages whilst a trip up to see my father was imminent
My parents always wanted a boy, they ended up with 4 daughters instead. They were so sure that they were gonna have a boy that when I popped out they genuinely hadnt even thought of girl names. I was supposed to be George. As a result my Mum suffered severe anti-natal depression and I ended up coming very close to being put up for adoption. She confessed much later in my life that she hated me for well over a year when i was first around. Sometime I wish I didnt know that, but i appreciate the honesty I guess.
My Dad constantly told me he was disappointed not to have any sons to carry on the family name etc etc...so for quite a chunk of my teen years I felt like maybe I should be a boy in order to make my family happy I eventually came to the conclusion this wasnt the correct reason to go down that route and didnt, but Its possible its why i've always shied away from stereotypical girl things and been drawn to things like robotics and rocket building and computer games and electronics and dressed very androgynously over the years.
I always felt it was my fault for being a girl, but truthfully these days im at peace with it. Girl or boy I'd still just be me.
If you really can't wait to see what happens next. The next TWO pages can be found on my patreon over here on the $10 tier https://www.patreon.com/squiggle
This one messes me up a little, it didnt help that I was drawing these pages whilst a trip up to see my father was imminent
My parents always wanted a boy, they ended up with 4 daughters instead. They were so sure that they were gonna have a boy that when I popped out they genuinely hadnt even thought of girl names. I was supposed to be George. As a result my Mum suffered severe anti-natal depression and I ended up coming very close to being put up for adoption. She confessed much later in my life that she hated me for well over a year when i was first around. Sometime I wish I didnt know that, but i appreciate the honesty I guess.
My Dad constantly told me he was disappointed not to have any sons to carry on the family name etc etc...so for quite a chunk of my teen years I felt like maybe I should be a boy in order to make my family happy I eventually came to the conclusion this wasnt the correct reason to go down that route and didnt, but Its possible its why i've always shied away from stereotypical girl things and been drawn to things like robotics and rocket building and computer games and electronics and dressed very androgynously over the years.
I always felt it was my fault for being a girl, but truthfully these days im at peace with it. Girl or boy I'd still just be me.
If you really can't wait to see what happens next. The next TWO pages can be found on my patreon over here on the $10 tier https://www.patreon.com/squiggle
Category All / Comics
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That last line..That's quite complicated. Only reading that just now that yeah I probably was afraid of him at certain points. Sometimes my dad could be super cool and he was sporadically protective of us, but it would def be on a day to day basis whether he'd be cool/relaxed dad, or ready to destroy a room at the drop of a pin dad, so working out how to detect what mood he was in became a bit of a survival skill.
He sounds bipolar as hell, from that description, Ms. Sammy.
And as for the other, it's a good thing that happened when it did, or people would want to chop up parts of you to make you "fit" with an idea that as you said yourself, you grew out of, because it not only wasn't right for you, it wasn't right, period. Besides, doing it to make other people happy? I can't see a time that would ever be a good reason.
disclaimer: There is no hate in this post. I'm not against people. I disagree with some of the ideas being promoted, and I think that Ms. Sammy's experience proves that point, at a bare minimum in her case alone. Nomex footie sleepers on, for people wanting to flame me for this. You're welcome to your opinions, and I don't have to agree with them, any more than you agree with mine.
And as for the other, it's a good thing that happened when it did, or people would want to chop up parts of you to make you "fit" with an idea that as you said yourself, you grew out of, because it not only wasn't right for you, it wasn't right, period. Besides, doing it to make other people happy? I can't see a time that would ever be a good reason.
disclaimer: There is no hate in this post. I'm not against people. I disagree with some of the ideas being promoted, and I think that Ms. Sammy's experience proves that point, at a bare minimum in her case alone. Nomex footie sleepers on, for people wanting to flame me for this. You're welcome to your opinions, and I don't have to agree with them, any more than you agree with mine.
I am bipolar, diagnosed in 2019... and even we switch in moods, is not as negative as it sounds the word "maniac". A bipolar makes damage just to itself, by the overthinking and the constant change of interesting things, sum the times we feel so energetic and full of optimist and the next day feel overtired.
It sounds more that the father is Narcisist, those people really make a physical and emotional hard to the victims, ending to classify them in "Golden child, monkey child and the true third victim"
It sounds more that the father is Narcisist, those people really make a physical and emotional hard to the victims, ending to classify them in "Golden child, monkey child and the true third victim"
Could be that, but that word is overused today, I think, and I try to stay away from it. I've dealt with bipolar (not me) for many years, both in a partner and in a daughter. It's awful, both for that patient and the caregiver. Too.... what you describe is your experience, and many people with bipolar disorder have different experiences. Not talking down to you, just stating a fact I'm sure you know. :)
This comics could be a superb animated series for Netflix. (As Found - Retake, Cottontail Nursery and HouseBroken.)
I also would be happy to see Shine, Found - Retake, Cottontail Nursery and HouseBroken published in complete hardcover editions translated in various languages. (Danish, Dutch, German, French, Spanish, etc.)
I also would be happy to see Shine, Found - Retake, Cottontail Nursery and HouseBroken published in complete hardcover editions translated in various languages. (Danish, Dutch, German, French, Spanish, etc.)
I could see Found, but CTN and Housebroken would bee too…controversial. There are (already „controversial“ (forbidden) things) like kidnapping, drugging, drugged sex, hypnosis and slavery.And then there are the kinks like bondage and (forced) ageplay (do what you want if everyone is a consenting adult and nobody is harmed unless they want and agreed to be).
But over all of that, there’s the big sign of AB/DL.
And the community (and star) is to unknown in the world of the vanillas, so Netflix won’t think that the demand is high enough to pay itself off.
So I think it’s very unlikely that it will happen, but it would be cool.
But over all of that, there’s the big sign of AB/DL.
And the community (and star) is to unknown in the world of the vanillas, so Netflix won’t think that the demand is high enough to pay itself off.
So I think it’s very unlikely that it will happen, but it would be cool.
I can feel the emotions in this one strongly, even though my dad never admitted it I always felt as if I was a disappointment to him simply because I never lived up to his expectations and always screw up everything he asked me to do something which resulted in alot of emotional abuse.
Nowadays I just struggle to socialize because of the trauma. Slowly getting through it though and I always feel thankful I have a caring boyfriend to help me through.
Anyways as always an amazing comic page that pulls at the strings that we can relate to. These pages lately have made me smile which is hard to do. Keep up the good work Star :3
Nowadays I just struggle to socialize because of the trauma. Slowly getting through it though and I always feel thankful I have a caring boyfriend to help me through.
Anyways as always an amazing comic page that pulls at the strings that we can relate to. These pages lately have made me smile which is hard to do. Keep up the good work Star :3
This makes me sad, that some parents feel like they have to exclude their kids from certain activities because of gender norms. When I have a child, which I expect I will in the next few years, I will want to invite them to be part of my hobbies and interests, as I will foster their own interests regardless of gender.
Yeah a lot of shine is very much me processing stuff from my life or giving my character do-overs that I never got the chance to do, so yeah you're absolutely right about that. Though sometimes that can drag me into dark spots I still think it's important to do I can't really properly understand myself if I forever shy away from the tough stuff.
Love this comic.
Fathers aren't supposed to be feared.
Your parents are assholes. I'd cut ties with them completely. Like I did with my biological father...fucker tried to turn me against my mom (whom I've been with all my life. So yeah... FUCK HIM!)
Sorry for the rant, this just triggered that event....Love your comics, Star. Keep up the great work.
Fathers aren't supposed to be feared.
Your parents are assholes. I'd cut ties with them completely. Like I did with my biological father...fucker tried to turn me against my mom (whom I've been with all my life. So yeah... FUCK HIM!)
Sorry for the rant, this just triggered that event....Love your comics, Star. Keep up the great work.
The family can be a really weird bond, having your parents even if they acting in a bad way, you know that kind of things isn't your fault, like born with another gender instead the one they wanted, you don't control that, but you feeling yourself responsible of the situation, so, can understand in some way what the situation meanwhile you grow up can feeling the weight of that words feeling more heavier..
But im feeling happy that you was able to passing that away with the time, and been in peace, just been yourself, and if that makes you happy, is the right choice ^^
But im feeling happy that you was able to passing that away with the time, and been in peace, just been yourself, and if that makes you happy, is the right choice ^^
As a child I loved helping my father. I was the go to. Then somewhere around the age of 15 feelings I had (unbeknownst to me) started surfacing. I started wishing I had been born a girl.
Now I'm like 30-something with a whole family complex. I am still happy to be helpful and useful and overall handy, but... I just wish being myself wasn't such a big deal.
Now I'm like 30-something with a whole family complex. I am still happy to be helpful and useful and overall handy, but... I just wish being myself wasn't such a big deal.
Wow, that's, uh, TRAUMATIZING. I am so sorry, no one should ever have to hear anything along the lines of not being wanted, and for not being male? That's even more petty and stupid. I understand what its like though, I came from a similar trauma. I was an oops baby and my parents never really let me forget that...these days I'm doing better mentally, but I still have my bad days.
Reading the description, I'm sorry you went through that. Some parents don't realize the level of impact they have on their children when they say/do things like that.
I'm glad you came to realize that you're are who you are and dwelling on what you aren't doesn't help anyone/anything.
I'm glad you came to realize that you're are who you are and dwelling on what you aren't doesn't help anyone/anything.
Wow... While I support open communication between people, a parent should take a thought like that to their grave. That's just the duty of a parent to their child. Even if you felt like that in the past and it's no longer the case, you should never share that with the kid. I feel weird publicly judging your parents like this, but damn, it's hard to ignore how awful that is.
Damn..... And here I thought I was the only one..... Just because you can doesn't mean you should . I'm still struggling with that, even after a long time since those years, mostly because I just want some kind of validation from my own in-name-only father. Does he not realize that ne staying with family instead of going to college was a sacrifice I made for sake of family? And then, when I finally decide to move out, I'm told I "ran away" as I get forced to come back at the age of mid-20s. Even now, in early 30s, I still can't get him to realize how wrong he was to do what he did. But I'm still trying to help him see my side, all in what is likely the same reason Star is being helpful mechanic's assistant. Validation. Acceptance. Belonging.
Sorry to dump this here, but..... Well.... Been reading the comic and so many things hit close, this was the most accurate of all. Kinda had to do his job for him regarding caring for mom while she was on a slow decline..... But that's a long story in and of itself, and not really related. He doesn't see what I did as a job because I can't put it on a resume as a job. And because of what is likely the same logic, refused to consider me maybe having burnout because of it not being a job.
Oops, rambling again.... Sorry.... I'll stop now before I ramble more...
Sorry to dump this here, but..... Well.... Been reading the comic and so many things hit close, this was the most accurate of all. Kinda had to do his job for him regarding caring for mom while she was on a slow decline..... But that's a long story in and of itself, and not really related. He doesn't see what I did as a job because I can't put it on a resume as a job. And because of what is likely the same logic, refused to consider me maybe having burnout because of it not being a job.
Oops, rambling again.... Sorry.... I'll stop now before I ramble more...
"She confessed much later in my life that she hated me for well over a year when i was first around. Sometime I wish I didnt know that, but i appreciate the honesty I guess."
Star, I have a confession to make. For an entire year I was a bitch.
"My Dad constantly told me he was disappointed not to have any sons to carry on the family name "
Star! Stop being a girl! HEY! I SAID STOP! STOP IT RIGHT NOW.
In all seriousness, though, wtf. I had such a good childhood which is likely why I wish I could go back so much and how I ended up becoming a Babyfur/ AB. I do recall being afraid of my father's outbursts and it got so bad that he had to take special classes to curve his anger (not really his fault, he was tried to be a Sherrif for LAPD). But I can't imagine having a family that simply doesn't want you to be you, or just doesn't want you around.
Sorry ><
Star, I have a confession to make. For an entire year I was a bitch.
"My Dad constantly told me he was disappointed not to have any sons to carry on the family name "
Star! Stop being a girl! HEY! I SAID STOP! STOP IT RIGHT NOW.
In all seriousness, though, wtf. I had such a good childhood which is likely why I wish I could go back so much and how I ended up becoming a Babyfur/ AB. I do recall being afraid of my father's outbursts and it got so bad that he had to take special classes to curve his anger (not really his fault, he was tried to be a Sherrif for LAPD). But I can't imagine having a family that simply doesn't want you to be you, or just doesn't want you around.
Sorry ><
As someone with an abusive father who I haven't talked to in ...5? years I'd say? You're so strong for being yourself. Reading the comments broke my heart, my dad was horrible in different ways but some of that still hit home. I hope drawing this brought some kind of peace, you deserve it.
Oof, this one really hits me. My sisters are not my dad's biological kids, my mom had a husband before him, and he was hoping for a girl 'of his own', so when I popped out a boy, he was...well he was apparently excited to be a dad, but disappointed to not be raising a baby girl of his own. I ended up being semi forgotten in a way, often left to my own devices while mom and dad spoiled the girls.
But this comic hits because -that- feeling, those little moments when dad would involve me in something he liked, and I'd get praised for doing that thing decently...my gosh, growing up I lived for those moments, few and far between as they were
But this comic hits because -that- feeling, those little moments when dad would involve me in something he liked, and I'd get praised for doing that thing decently...my gosh, growing up I lived for those moments, few and far between as they were
I totally understand that feeling of being a last resort.
I had only male cousins, and my whole family really seemed to prefer boys overall.
My cousins were always the sweetest, cutest, most ect. And I was just THERE.
Nothing I did met with approval unless it involved doing dishes or cleaning.
I ended up cutting contact over a mountain of other reasons, but sometimes I still think about those times.
The "you'll do, but we don't really want you around," times.
I had only male cousins, and my whole family really seemed to prefer boys overall.
My cousins were always the sweetest, cutest, most ect. And I was just THERE.
Nothing I did met with approval unless it involved doing dishes or cleaning.
I ended up cutting contact over a mountain of other reasons, but sometimes I still think about those times.
The "you'll do, but we don't really want you around," times.
I was in did feeling bad went this happen, but I suppose he did not realise how hurtfull this kind of comment was, his own father was the worse, alway drunk and beating his kids regulary, my father never hurt me physically, but he was not the best at showing his feeling exepressing then, taking in count his background, that was day and night compare to his own father and I am glad for that
My dad is a do it yourself tool guy too, by the time i could hold a teddy bear ive had a monkey wrench in my hand, fixing trucks, cars bicycles you name it, i use to pretend wash my bike with him and my sister in the front yard driveway and our little fisher price car. By the time i was two i knew how to change a tire, by four i knew how to replace a spark plug, by the time i was six i knew how to change oil, my sister however was not about it no matter how hard my dad tried to teach her she just didn't care. Im extremely grateful that my dad took the time to teach me these lessons
Sometimes your comics make me so happy and excited for the next one then there are the ones that make me feel like im going to cry i dont have a good relationship with my dad and i came to terms with the fact i never will anyway the fact i get so emotionally conected is a sign of a good story =^w^= thank you
I love your comics so much (I’m re-reading)
I’d like to say that this bit really resonated with me.
As the only girl in the family my dad has rarely did anything with me, but when it came to cars or movies I was the one he went to. I used to wish I was a boy as well and even dresses and acted more “boyish” but at the end of the day I was still me. It means so much to see someone else have a similar story, thank you.
I’d like to say that this bit really resonated with me.
As the only girl in the family my dad has rarely did anything with me, but when it came to cars or movies I was the one he went to. I used to wish I was a boy as well and even dresses and acted more “boyish” but at the end of the day I was still me. It means so much to see someone else have a similar story, thank you.
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