Avril Lavigne Is Whiny

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"Complicated" starts off normal enough, a bit of stripped-down light rock… that still doesn't sound anything like real punk. No matter how generic this song and the rest of Lavigne's discography are, though, I can roll with the intro.

Suddenly, Lavigne the womanchild starts singing and the song goes completely downhill. She attempts to branch out like a goddamn tree in a storm, and I'm left wondering if I've wandered into some alternate universe where musical genres go to breed like rabbits.

Ah, hell. The electric guitars are so twangy, they sound like banjos or pedal steel guitars for some reason. What the fuck is this shit? Matchbox Twenty? Shania Twain? The Dixie Chicks?

And the hip-hop beats in what the masses consider "punk rock" when it's actually not… oh my God… you're not Eminem, Lavigne. Stick to what you know, girl.

And now, get this, she's mixing it all together. Bubblegum music, pop punk, jangle pop, post-grunge (A.K.A. butt-rock), hip-hop, glam metal, arena/heartland/roots rock–it's a goddamn musical salad. I'm sitting here, stuck on a fork, trying to figure out what the hell I'm supposed to make of "Complicated"… or if Avril was that big of a Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers fan in her childhood.

Even though this is a pop rock song and has been solely categorized as such, why can't she just pick a lane? I mean, sure, it's kinda radical to mix things up, break the mold, all that shit. But Jesus, Avril, make up your mind. I can't keep up. I'm over here feeling like a lab rat in some crazy musical experiment gone wrong.

And she is not punk rock, and anyone who dares to call her punk rock should know better, and they're all idiots as clueless as her, and her music is nothing but COMMERCIAL POP SHIT, AND IT SUCKS!!!

I just want my damn Ramones back. I wish all of the members were still alive. I wish they didn't have to disband. I wish the band wasn't dead by now. They made me feel like I wasn't a total loser. This 2000s corporate pop shit?

It's confusing as it is horribly bland, as it is manufactured-sounding. It's like trying to make sense of a goddamn Rubik's cube while tripping balls.

Hell, I'm so sick and tired of hearing people bitch about their lives when they've got it way better than most. How the fuck can Lavigne be crying like a 10-year-old and how "complicated" her boyfriend went and made her life? Give me a goddamn break.

I mean, come on! She's a fucking millionaire, has sold only God knows how many records… and she's still complaining? She can have anything she wants, do anything she pleases, but no, she's gotta whine about her ex, her fame, her goddamn life. It's like she's forgotten what it's like for the rest of us… we are all struggling just to make ends meet.

If any of you furries are reading this (and let's be real, you're probably not), please, for the love of all that is holy–stick to what you know or what you don't know. You don't want to know Avril. Her music is pure shit and it's extremely generic. My poor little earholes can't take much more of this musical carnival ride.

Screw Avril Lavigne. Just screw her.