Spoilers for Wildfolk, a Pathfinder 2 stream I'm a part of.
For context: Textoris my daemon is a manifestation of negative emotions formed as a result of a war turned one-sided slaughter. As a daemon formed from intense feelings of anger, grief, and loneliness with a strong desire for revenge. This made him a terrible monster that plagued the land post war. Edel, the tiefling, later approached Textoris and managed to form a complicated relationship, but one where Tex at least accepted Edel's presence. But Tex was still a monster, that had to be stopped, so Edel stripped Tex of his power, locking it away in three totems and all that was left was a little black cat.
Tex later learned that one of his victims was Edel's father, Prospero. This broke... or fixed something in Tex and he spent the majority of the campaign hunting ingredients for a resurrection ritual to restore Propero to life. The ritual was eventually successful. Tex wasn't going to talk to Edel after that, he didn't want forgiveness, or a reward, he wanted Edel far from him, so Edel wouldn't be hurt again. But Tex was too curious, and needed to know why Edel never told him about Propero, even at the very end.
It wasn't until I started doing the ritual that I started to analyze not only what makes you, you, but what makes me, me. Anger... was the easiest, you have always been angry. Knowing how you came to be, I understand it... even though I understood why you were so angry, it was the one part of you... that I didn't mind stripping away... but I should've known that I could never take it all away, because it just make sense, if you take away part of what makes someone who they are they just get mad. But that wasn't all of you, there was more left, and so the second totem I started to look deeper and deeper.
Grief... you, behind the anger, are the sorrow of a thousand mothers who had to bury their sons. The grief of a thousand lovers who didn't get to say goodbye. A thousand dreams left unlived. And that was the hardest to take away because it felt like I was killing them all over again. Grief sucks. It sucks. It sucked when you took him from me. And it hurt and I was angry, but what is grief if not the last breath of the thing we once had. But that wasn't all of you either, there was still more after that.
So I looked deeper, and this is, I think, where I learned why I walked into that cave over and over. Because when I looked again and tried to find out what to put into that last totem. All that was left, was loneliness... and I started to imagine what it must've been like beyond all of those walls of war and gold and fire to know that there were entire nations doing nothing, that you were alone and no one was coming to save you. That no body cared enough to help. You just weren't that important to anyone. And that is the one that hurt the most, because when I first heard about you and what you did to my dad, I knew immediately who you were. I don't know how but I knew you just needed to be seen. To be heard. I knew it because I felt it too, not as much as you, but maybe a little. I've heard this call of anger and it's only the shadow of loneliness. There's not any light you can shine on yourself to get rid of it, it can only come from somebody else. And if all it takes to staunch a thousand aching hearts of wrath and grief, just to show one monster that they're not alone, then how could I ever say no?
I never told you about him because when I walked into that cave, it was never about anger. And it wasn't even because of grief. It's just because I didn't want you to be alone anymore, and I didn't want you to hurt anyone else.
"I'm Sorry..."
...I hate those words...
they stick in my throat like thorns...
they're hollow, and used to make the guilty feel batter...
but they do nothing to take away the pain that's been inflicted...
There are no words that could ever take away the pain I caused you...
So I won't apologize...
because even if I unmade heaven and earth...
None of it would be enough to deserve your forgiveness
...
But I'll keep trying...
just to see you smile again
For context: Textoris my daemon is a manifestation of negative emotions formed as a result of a war turned one-sided slaughter. As a daemon formed from intense feelings of anger, grief, and loneliness with a strong desire for revenge. This made him a terrible monster that plagued the land post war. Edel, the tiefling, later approached Textoris and managed to form a complicated relationship, but one where Tex at least accepted Edel's presence. But Tex was still a monster, that had to be stopped, so Edel stripped Tex of his power, locking it away in three totems and all that was left was a little black cat.
Tex later learned that one of his victims was Edel's father, Prospero. This broke... or fixed something in Tex and he spent the majority of the campaign hunting ingredients for a resurrection ritual to restore Propero to life. The ritual was eventually successful. Tex wasn't going to talk to Edel after that, he didn't want forgiveness, or a reward, he wanted Edel far from him, so Edel wouldn't be hurt again. But Tex was too curious, and needed to know why Edel never told him about Propero, even at the very end.
Wildfolk Episode 83 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQ5se84HpJkThe Rain - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Fncun4ObQkIt wasn't until I started doing the ritual that I started to analyze not only what makes you, you, but what makes me, me. Anger... was the easiest, you have always been angry. Knowing how you came to be, I understand it... even though I understood why you were so angry, it was the one part of you... that I didn't mind stripping away... but I should've known that I could never take it all away, because it just make sense, if you take away part of what makes someone who they are they just get mad. But that wasn't all of you, there was more left, and so the second totem I started to look deeper and deeper.
Grief... you, behind the anger, are the sorrow of a thousand mothers who had to bury their sons. The grief of a thousand lovers who didn't get to say goodbye. A thousand dreams left unlived. And that was the hardest to take away because it felt like I was killing them all over again. Grief sucks. It sucks. It sucked when you took him from me. And it hurt and I was angry, but what is grief if not the last breath of the thing we once had. But that wasn't all of you either, there was still more after that.
So I looked deeper, and this is, I think, where I learned why I walked into that cave over and over. Because when I looked again and tried to find out what to put into that last totem. All that was left, was loneliness... and I started to imagine what it must've been like beyond all of those walls of war and gold and fire to know that there were entire nations doing nothing, that you were alone and no one was coming to save you. That no body cared enough to help. You just weren't that important to anyone. And that is the one that hurt the most, because when I first heard about you and what you did to my dad, I knew immediately who you were. I don't know how but I knew you just needed to be seen. To be heard. I knew it because I felt it too, not as much as you, but maybe a little. I've heard this call of anger and it's only the shadow of loneliness. There's not any light you can shine on yourself to get rid of it, it can only come from somebody else. And if all it takes to staunch a thousand aching hearts of wrath and grief, just to show one monster that they're not alone, then how could I ever say no?
I never told you about him because when I walked into that cave, it was never about anger. And it wasn't even because of grief. It's just because I didn't want you to be alone anymore, and I didn't want you to hurt anyone else.
"I'm Sorry..."
...I hate those words...
they stick in my throat like thorns...
they're hollow, and used to make the guilty feel batter...
but they do nothing to take away the pain that's been inflicted...
There are no words that could ever take away the pain I caused you...
So I won't apologize...
because even if I unmade heaven and earth...
None of it would be enough to deserve your forgiveness
...
But I'll keep trying...
just to see you smile again
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