A beginning is an important thing as it serves to grasp the audience’s attention. The first line serves this well, however it is quickly lost in the character details that follow. Character traits like that are best expressed throughout a text so an audience can explore them for itself, especially the elements about his children and wife.
Description is important, as it serves to bring the story to life. Show through description instead of telling through details.
For anthropomorphism in a work it is better to use defined terms instead of using fandom slangs.
Best of luck with the rest.

Thank you very much for the advice. Being a first time writer I didn't think I would responces. Lol Thank you again hope I can keep more attention on part 2.

Gotta agree with the above feedback, keep at it :)

Ok Im working on it, thank you for the comment

Excellent story, dear tiger! I really like the idea of a human somehow traveling to/getting lost in a world of talking animals. I think many of us shared that childhood fantasy. ;o)

You have a very nice writing style, and I look forward to reading more of your work! *gives you a big hug and smiles warmly*

*blushes in your strong arms* why thank you Sir, I'm still not sure if i should continue though I've lacked the confidence to continue writing *looks away slightly saddened*

My pleasure, cub. I meant every word. *smiles*

*the big grizzly curls his arms around you and huffs softly, then gently places a claw under your chin and lifts your eyes to meet his* You've written two wonderful stories, so you CAN write. Now, you just have to ENJOY the process. Being creative shouldn't be a miserable task, you have to ENJOY it. Don't write for anyone on FA, write for YOU. Write because YOU have something to say, and you enjoy creating something all your own. Once you do that your confidence will come back. *smiles warmly*

*i blush at your words* Thank you for the advise Sir I just want others to enjoy it too and because i haven't gotten a lot of feedback it's been a bit of a downer. *i close my eyes and sigh, pausing a moment then i open and gazing into your eyes with my blood orange eyes* I will continue to write for me * i kiss your nose then blush harder* though a comment here and there will be nice *smile*

even if  helixthefallen is right i enjoyed reading the first part of this story :]

thank you very much and thank you for the favorite hope you enjoy the rest of what i have.

you're welcome. from what i've started on it feels to be a neat story ;]

thank you so much

I just had a look on this first piece hare..

To me it doesn't look bad although some typos and switching between first person and third person narrative makes it a little hard to follow at times.
Are you a native speaker? (meaning English being your native tongue)

I speak English but it was the first story and I forgot to proof read it before posting it. LOL

I see. As i am writing this I am having a look on the other parts of your story and will leave a comment with what i find under each of em. - Oh and you got a note i guess...