Ruby

You were always there for me, you never left my side, you never let me out of your sight , you always made sure that I knew you cared about me. Every day I saw you, all I ever did was smile. Never Once did you let me go home without a hug, and a smile. All you ever did was care about me and love me for who I was in this sorry excuse for a world.....

Everyone in this world makes mistakes. Some are graver than others, some try to fix it, some dont. My biggest mistake in my life was letting you pass through my fingers due to the blindness of the promise of love from someone who ruined my life in the end. All my mistakes in my life can not begin to add up to that.... and by the time I was able to see again through the fog, it was already too late. I regret it every single day of my life, it haunts me still to this day after so many years. I cant help but wake up sad with a tear in my eye just at the thought of holding you once again. Dreams are sometimes my comfort, you visit me from time to time as though nothing ever happen and that you were never taken from me.

I picture you in everything I ever do, my love. I see your face, your smile, i hear your voice , I still even feel that glare you used to give me every time I would bring up the fact that you tried shoving a telephone pole because you thought it got in your way when you drank a little too much.

I wish that either of us had the courage to say to the other "I want to spend my life with you". All we ever did was act as though we were afraid that we may ruin our life long friendship despite that we could not be any closer to one another.

I will always love you Ruby. You were my light in this dark world. I just hope you dont blame me from where you are right now. I like to hope that I was at least a glimmer to you of the light that you brought to my life.

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This was a picture that I have had in my mind for years now. I never could get myself to have it made because of the guilt and sadness I feel when i think of her.

Ruby was my life long friend. We grew up together just down the street from each other. We had gotten as close as possible to each other as two people could be. at about 18 or so , I had met this Red headed devil of a woman named Jeanine. She was my downfall to most of my life. Jeanine had won me over by acting as though she care and saying that she loved me, all that jazz. In the end I talked to ruby about it and she actually encouraged me to go with her with a smile on her face. I realize now that the smile she gave me was really the saddest thing she ever did in her life, as though she knew what was going to happen.

After a year or so of being with jeanine, Alot of trouble came about with my family and her, and we ended up moving in together. Almost right away She was making me give up my friends, especially because most were girls. ... and stupidly I listened. I fought to keep Ruby in my life, but Jeanine would not have it. So I talked to Ruby one last time. We spoke for what seemed days about it. Not once was she upset about it and she even told me that I should do What i thought would make me happy. Of course the thought of being with Ruby ran through my head constantly but like always, neither of us said anything other than we would always be friends then hung up the phone.

Years went by and with every month that passed from that day Jeanine treated me more and more like a floor mat rather than someone she was supposed to love. Every day was a lecture about one meaningless thing or another, or how she thought I was supposed to be. Constant emotional brow beatings, constant anger from her and daily emotional cuts to my soul from this woman. For some reason though, I stayed in hope that this person I spent years with would once again show she loved me like before.

The day came of course when she decided she was too good for me. She had received money from a much hated grandmother of hers ( alot of it ) to go to some very very high end nursing school, from then on the friends she made decided that my working full time at retail and going to school wasn't prestigious enough for her. So Jeanine decided to throw me out saying i was stealing things from where I worked and that she wont put her career in jeopardy for me, out i went

After a while of living in my car I had to swallow my pride and go back home. I was lost in life at this point and didnt know what to do. So i chose to try to find my Friend , I had found out she moved way way up north because of the fact that all her friends including myself weren't around anymore. Along with the fact that she was having trouble at home. I knew though it was mostly because everything in this town reminded her of the special bond her and I shared for half our lives. I ended up driving way up to see her and how she was doing. She was living in a tiny little apartment and worked as a waitress across the street. She had just about nothing, she pretty much worked to eat and to have enough money to keep the lights on in her home.
I really could not stand to see her how she was, the look of loneliness and sadness was written all over her even though all she did was smile when i was with her. We talked all day and I was brave enough to ask her to come back home with me, and With a large very real smile she agreed to it. I spent the night with her so that she knew I was really there again, and to convince myself that I had found her once again as well. We had made love that night, Both of us could not have had a more perfect day despite the cold home, and very grim surroundings. It was the happiest day of my life, and I have not had one even come close to it since then.

The next morning we said our goodbyes we hugged, and kissed as though we were really going to be together at last. With a few more tears from both of us, I had left and began to plan her and I being together forever. I had begun to look into homes and find a better job all of which I managed to pull off. I had given her a call maybe a few weeks after I had managed to get my job but she didnt answer. I just kind of figured she was busy or her phone was finally cut off Like we both knew would happen. Another week went by and still no word from her. I tried giving a call to her landlord but the moron didnt know either. I ended up just dropping the job that I was supposed to start that very day just to drive back north to see what was going on.

I remembered where she worked, It took me an extra 3 hours to find it because Ruby was the one who took me there. I walked in asking to talk to her manager, when the manager approached me I asked if he had seen Ruby, He asked who I was and I told him I was her boyfriend. Right away his face turned grim. He sat me down at one of the little stools in the corner of the diner, put his hand on my shoulder and told me " im sorry son.... but we were robbed a couple weeks ago... her and another girl were shot behind the counter at the register..." I actually dont remember what happen after that, I just remember being in the hospital for about a day and driving home with little flashes of my falling to the floor crying, I frankly dont even remember my drive home, I just "woke up" the second I sat down in my bed.

Ive never been able to cope with her loss. I find myself still in denial once and a while then cry a little bit from having to remind myself that she is really gone. Since that day I guess Ive been trying to fill that hole in my heart with other people. Sadly though Each one of those people Ive tried to be happy with ended up just doing more harm to me that good. Each one always ended up using me for one reason or another then tossing me away when they were through.

I hadnt been single for more than a few weeks since I was 18 because of the pain of being alone is just alot more than I can stand. I think though that perhaps its time I maybe take a little time to be alone and not be with someone. When your soul hurts and your heart aches, you attract all the people who will do nothing but take a big bite of that fragile heart and toss it away. I think I will try to take it as a sign.

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To all those who actually read the whole Description, I thank you. I really havent spoken about what happen all those years back. none of you need to read it , it was just something I kind of had to get out. I was pretty much in tears the whole time typing this and it took a very long time, but its out.

As for the Actual picture, the Little girl there is the Daughter I very likely would have had by now. Her name is Jewel. She would be a life long memory of Ruby. I hope to maybe Have some commissions done of her some day.

Art goes to the Best sister in the world

Characters are mine