by 2027 every professional baseball team will have their own designated mage. by 2030 the baseball will be rendered obsolete and we will have televised wizard duels on ESPN
essek thelyss you are such a stupid little guy. you love learning new stuff so much you commit war crimes for it. you’re baffled by murder and torture mostly because the murderers and torturers are not following the rules of a proper scientific experiment. you like jewelry. you are so lonely you give the guy you know is evil an access to the tool that can literally destroy realities and teach him how to use it because he makes you a cup of tea and asks you about your mother. you’re an atheist within a culture devoted to religion. you’ve been seeking intellectual challenge so bad and for so long you ended up in a very very hight position in government while being really young with a power over others a really young person probably shouldn’t have. you’re fucking mean. you float to places. you want other people to share the joy of discovering something with you so bad you become vulnerable to manipulation no matter how smart and collected you are. you fall in love with a suspicious dirt wizard even though you think having personal connections with anyone is an excessive risk. you love soup
the silmarillion is wild because you read it and you’re like huh okay, and then you read lotr and it turns out everyone’s just going around doing their own thing while the surviving elves are living through the final chapters of a post-apocalyptic horror story
rivendell’s a pretty chill place, right? everyone gets along splendidly. dream retirement home et cetera. solid chance the guy you’re having afternoon tea with has either survived or personally committed war crimes. also the reason it’s so chill is elrond has this magic ring that makes it so the whole place exists slightly outside normal time
galadriel’s been around since the beginning, like, for pretty much all of middle-earth’s history you understand, she has Seen it all and despite what you may have been led to believe is at all times this close to snapping. also the reason lothlorien is so chill is she has this magic ring that makes it so the whole place exists slightly outside normal time
i can’t emphasize enough how much of a post-apocalyptic horror story thranduil lives in. homeland destroyed and half his people massacred. has fucken sauron in his backyard and the spawn of the primordial beast that eats light puttering about on his lawn. a dragon lives next door. does NOT have a magic ring and is therefore obliged to rule over his murderforest in normal time
just so we’re all on the same page here, legolas’ day job before joining the fellowship was to hunt the spawn of the primordial beast that eats light and it’s not like, a big deal or anything. he just has to do it. he’s used to it.
‘elves are leaving middle-earth and it’s so sad :(’ they have ptsd samwise.
just a simple bee
