rest in peace you fucking onion fairy
are you fucking kidding me?! this movie made my heart wither and die and you call fuckin celebi a fuckin onion fairy?
rest in peace you fucking onion fairy
No. Celebi is not an onion fairy.
that’s not even celebi’s real species you dog shit
there is no onion type yo fuckwit
I bet you feel silly now
these are the guys who lick your clothes clean when you put them in the dishwasher
washing machine
my roommates car is named barff. it was originally bought from a dealership called garff, but then she tinkered with the g on the license plate thing so it looks like a b and now the car is just called barff.
my wife once asked our roomate where she was parked in a group chat. but she messed up the word "parked" and instead spelled it as "garked". and then me and my roommate just started referring to parking as garking because its just really fun to give my wife shit. its just part of the professional little brother playbook.
but also, at some point it stopped being ironic and we just started calling parking garking.
then today me and my wife were looking out the window and we saw our roommate struggling to do a three point turn into a parking space. and as fun as it is to give my wife shit its also really fun to give our roommate shit. so we ran outside and we ran around her car while chanting GARK THE BARFF. GARK THE BARFF. GARK THE BARFF. and then she did, eventually, gark the barff. theres no moral to this its just a surreal part of my life that i really enjoy. maybe tease people more? find your barff and gark it and never ever stop?
@thicketscratches you get it
nightmares are getting ALARMINGLY high and can't wait to see what awful shit that does to me. I maxed out suspicion a while ago and got sent to prison, so presumably maxing my nightmares will send me Somewhere novel. very exciting stuff, but I hope I can finish my latest archaeological expedition before the madness takes me.
update on this update: I'm actually kind of killing it at archaeology, enough that I got a job a university position out of it. skanked around the university drinking wine and starting fires for a while but then someone got murdered and I had to investigate it. investigation went so bad that I stumbled into the mirror dimension (???) where a bunch of talking cats that I happen to know were also hanging out. they seemed very chill about it but I kept touching fruits and flowers that hurt me. eventually made my way back to london but I seem to be in an insane asylum now and my stats are dropping by the minute.
came home from the asylum and there was a lady waiting at my apartment to tell me that she thinks I could really Be Someone and she wants to help me improve my social standing. I've never felt more like a main character. what a funny confluence of events.
slowing intuiting the rules and goals of solitaire through trial and error on what the computer does and does not let me do rather than looking up the rules because it's a much funnier way to learn
just learned you can move cards between stacks. how lovely
i did it.
Yay!
What have you learned about how solitaire works?
FIRST RULE OF SOLITAIRE: aces are useless. put them on the top right. SECOND RUE OF SOLITAIRE: two's are about as useless as aces. discard them to the ace pile as soon as possible THIRD RULE OF SOLITAIRE: it's hard. FOURTH RULE OF SOLITAIRE: it's really hard; FIFTH RUlE OF SOLITAIRE: you need to make the cards count down. But watch out. You must Alternate The Colours FOURTH RULE OF SOLITAIRE: make if you already have a red king and only have one more spot to add a king do not add another red king. You will lose. SIXTH RULE OF SOLITAIRE: make sure to do every possible move with cards already on the board before adding cards from your draw pile. You WILL screw yourself over SEVENTH RULE OF SOLITAIRE: good luck. Don't forget to beyourself and have fun
I don'te. Know
I can't quite explain it, but Clue (1985), The Princess Bride (1987), Galaxy Quest (1999), and Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023) are all the same genre
They aren't a spoof (roast) or a love letter (tribute), but a best man's speech; an expression of love with a gentle ribbing on ocassion.
does anyone have that tweet that's like "talking to the ace hardware employee: gonna remodel an old brownstone by myself can I get the fisher price tool kit and stupid white paint"
THATS EXACTLY IT THANK YOU SO MUCH
Using 'palatinate' to describe the deep reddish purple of a character's robes a) because it's close to Palpatine and considering what I'm writing for that's funny, and b) can't use Tyrian purple because SW doesn't have the river Tyre or the Phoenicians.
Anyway, petition to add Phoenicians into SW so I can have Tyrian purple without explanation
what if you had a living weapon and he was all yes i know it is my job to die for my liege i will be so happy to die for my liege it will be my greatest joy to die for my liege. but he is also the slightest bit genre aware and he knows his liege is supposed to save him from this fate and he keeps waiting for it to happen. and he keeps waiting. and he keeps waiting. and then he doesn’t even get to die for his liege.
i love this tweet
currently very funny from a story perspective. imagine you're a slutty, half-mad archeologist who writes poems and plays to entertain the Duchess' court on the side and suddenly you have to join a homicidal dueling club for the sake of advancing your social standing. and you're good at it, but christ. at what cost. I'm picturing a lot of teeth-clenched training montages and irritated eye rolls upon being stabbed and shot. imagine if any of my colleagues at the university hear about this.
So I follow N. D. Stevenson (comics writer and animator, most famous for Nimona and She-Ra and the Princesses of Power) and his husband Lee Ostertag (also a comics writer and animator) on Instagram. When I started following them, they were both publicly presenting as women, and then a few years ago N. D. came out as transmasc nonbinary, and then earlier this year Lee also came out as transmasc. Anyway this is all setup to say that Lee had the chance to make the funniest post of all time and he took it:
I want to throw in that part of the context behind this meme was N.D. talking about how he sometimes gets hatemail for marrying a man as a former lesbian, and how many people seem to think he divorced his wife.
I have not managed to find anyone who thinks that in the wild, but it is so damn funny.
Much as I love a living weapon who is dehumanised and degraded, I also like when becoming a weapon is framed as aspirational. Prove you deserve to surpass your human weakness! Don't you want to be more than flesh and blood?
Like IDK I think you should make your whumpees recruits compete for the honour of serving such a worthy master or cause in such a great manner. You could make them do just about anything to earn it. And having earned it through so much effort, it must be an honour, right? You were the only one good enough for your master.
Thinking of like... a position as the 'King's Sword', or in an elite military corps, or something... something really famous, lauded and mythologised. The sacrifice of one's humanity framed as the greatest sacrifice one could make to one's king/god/country, and only the most worthy may offer it up. Congrats, you get a fancy induction ceremony, a few minutes being applauded by a massive crowd, and then you get to kill in someone else's name until you die.
also thinking of death game entrance exam. that too.
Ok, it's more like extended training that's also a competition to whittle recruits down to The Best/Most Worthy Candidates. And having put that much effort in - dare I say incurred that much moral injury - while your view was clouded by the competition; the idea that this brutal frenzy was the trial by fire, that it was temporary - well! Not very nice to consider that what you won might be more of the same. That maybe no one's treating you like something honoured or valued at all. Much easier to tell yourself that this is what you wanted; after all, you fought so hard for it.
Shaggy Rogers is a young adult human man that eats dog treats and his friends don't even care. They act like it's normal. Not only do they know he loves eating dog treats, but they know he'll do scary dangerous shit just to eat dog treats, and they use that to their advantage. "Oh you don't wanna get asbestos poisoning in the scary abandoned building? What if we fed you a dog treat?" And he says yes and he does it and eats it and they act like that's a normal thing for a human guy to do. But then again, he also eats 10 feet tall sandwiches in one bite, so maybe he's not even human. Still fucked up that they manipulate him like that though. But whatever. Forget I said anything.
