what people dont get about divorces is the Whole Thing About Dogs
i have written custody plans for labrador retrievers more complex than i have for children. i went to four years of undergrad, three years of law school, and sat for the bar exam to write up custody exchange provisions for dogs with hyphonated last names
my clients are paying $295 an hour for me to go to court and litigate who makes veterinary decisions for Chuckles the Goldfish and theres literally nothing i can do to stop them
framing these tags and hanging them up in my office to remind me that it can always be worse
link relevant song
concept: one of those fancy book box services but instead of sending you a full-size fancy hardcover they send you a 1:6 scale miniature version along with a code for the ebook so you still get the book as well as the ability to show off the fancy version of the book but without having to buy more bookshelves. every january they send you a new tiny bookshelf for your tiny books. maybe there's a year on it to display specifically the books you read that year. you can put your tiny books in a jar and pick them out randomly to decide what you're going to read next. also it's cheaper because the boxes aren't as heavy and they don't have to produce a full size hardcover with the edges printed by the like one company that does that.
do you see my vision
My husband and I were just bemoaning last night that there aren’t readily accessible tiny books any more.
Granted, it was in the specific context of “if you could have an animal to train up as a familiar as a sort of graduate-level project, leading it to gain increased intellectual abilities as you worked more on it, what would your choices be” and he was keenly and devotedly in favour of training up a frog to reading ability, largely because of the lovely picture of giving it a little bowl with damp moss and a small armchair for it to retreat to, and it could stretch out its legs and cross its ankles and read a book - you know - one of those novelty tiny books - with real text in them -
At which point, as if stricken by great loss, he sat up in bed and said AT WHAT POINT DID THOSE TINY BOOKS YOU COULD BUY IN THE 80s GO EXTINCT?
I’m a lot younger and American, but between the two of us, we think it was sometime in the mid-90s. There used to be these gimmick tiny books with the full text of the real book printed in them -
(Dr Glass said, anguished: “back when rubbish was REAL TAT! And tat was REAL RUBBISH!”)
- and they were a bit bigger than 1:6, because you could still read them. I remember them too. You used to see them in shopping malls.
Anyway; if you do pursue this idea, it would be very useful, if, on our end, we manage to create a working system of magic in which a sufficiently motivated person can impose sufficient sentience on a frog to teach it to read
I don't know who needs to hear this, but
YOU DO NOT NEED TO START A NEW HOBBY!
STEP AWAY FROM THE TEXTILES!
YOU DON'T NEED MORE YARN!
THAT FABRIC IS NOT CALLING TO YOU! LEAVE IT ALONE!
boy it's me the textiles speaking to you inside your head. you need the yarn. you need thread. your soul hungers to participate in the act of creation. you must feed it. you must buy so many beads.
this video is so full of life
ive always rly liked the idea of a member of a group of adventurers having what everyone assumes is very well trained hawk and then at the end of their journey its casually revealed that thats actually just his buddy whos a shapeshifter and just rly likes being a hawk
the guy also like thinks everyone knows bc he never tries to hide the fact that the hawk is a person but everyone assumes hes always just joking. like the others being like "damn its crazy how he knows exactly what you want him to do its like he knows english or something." and the guy is just like "well yeah thats his first language so ofc he's fluent??" and they all go "haha good one" and move on, leaving him confused
they just think hes a quirky guy that really loves his pet and says things like "the 9 of us" even tho there are clearly only 8 people! he just cares about the bird so much he counts it as a group member haha !
Hey babe, are you a book? Because I kinda wanna break your spine
Are you a furby? Because I'm doing everything I can to turn you off
Are you. A bottle. Cause I want to throw you in the ocean. to send a message
Are you. Marijuana? Cause I wanna plant you in my backyard. and lie to the cops about it.
You must be vodka. The way my affiliates could arrange for you to be smuggled across eastern europe in a series of small, discrete packages
You are.... a spider. The way you are widely disliked across multiple continents for reasons that appear irrational but likely stem from a primitive survival instinct
You must be a prion the way you're still capable of fucking with my head after I lit you on fire
Are you a spoon. Because I think if I bring you home you'll end up in my roommate's bedroom
You're like a new MRI machine they way you need someone to put you in the hospital
You and I could be a miracle. The way we could never be a thing without the interference of a god
You have me feeling like a fly. The way I need to desperately throw myself at the nearest window
Looking at you is like staring into the sun. It feels bad and the longer I do it the worse it gets
You remind me of my dad
Baby you're like the ocean. Because you're cold, salty to the point of being toxic, and have driven countless men to madness and despair
Girl are you a three legged wardrobe cause you are just the worst dresser
You remind me of an exotic flower the way you keep killing house cats
You make me believe in destiny. The way my struggles to divert you seem futile
Honey are you from Tennessee? Because your crime rate is 63% above the national average
My man is like a cup of coffee, the way his existence is highly dependant on inhumane business practices
If loving you is a crime, then send me to jail. For unrelated charges. So I can get away from you
Who hurt you teaboot?
You want that list alphabetical or in ascending order of severity
Im gonna shill for Marie Kondo again but this is why I find her books (yes, books, the TV show is fun but ultimately misses a lot of the core ideas) so good.
A lot of home org advice fully misses this aspect. Kondo not only acknowledges it, but leans into it. And ultimately this helps motivste me to keep my space tidy - it's really hard to me to keep on the nebulous goal of self-care, but much easier to get up and put things away if I envision my salt and pepper grinders as like, retail workers who are now standing in an empty shop (my dining table) and just wanna go home (the spice rack where they live).
Normie tidying process: that heater should be put away for summer! I mean, I'm not gonna need it
Me: well it's just chilling and also I can't be arsed.
Kondo: that heater has done a good job keeping you warm over winter and now it should get to go have a rest in the cupboard
Me: !! Sabbatical for my heater!! Thank you for your service sir and have a very nice break!
just saw a tiktok or something where the person was saying they did this and they were on a hike and they were like "i managed to get myself to go on this hike because i promised my boots we would go" and its like. OH YEAH. THAT.
Some of the categories for the NYT Connections fills me with hatred and wrath. What do you mean “dog breeds with the first letter changed” i’ll kill you
Fury. Rage. Flames on the side of my face.
“This is how these words would be related if they were different words”
Shoutouts to characters that don't know the facade isn't their real self. Shoutouts to characters who put up a front so long ago that they have now forgotten it's all an act. Shoutouts to characters who no longer know who they are because they think they're being sincere. Shoutouts to performers so good they fool even themselves. Shoutouts to characters who fall for their own lies.
