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Elizabeth wrote: "http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/2...http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/2...
Hello! These are my writings that I need the most feedback on. So thanks fo..."
hi elizabeth. i just read your NaNoRimo post and i have to say that i find the story delightful. i found myself real caught up in the dark emotions of the prologue followed by the immediacy of Luke's thoughts in the first chapter. I came across a few things however: i really like the Isabelle chapter, it's got a good dose of action in it and the dialogue is great but in the Luke chapters im having a hard time seeing Luke as a 10 year old boy, to be wholly honest with you. i feel like he's a 16 year-old girl. no joke. he's got a very mature vocabulary for one thing. as you put it, "my oscitant eyes" or "my eyes filled with trepidation" as well as the use of the words "luxurious" and "lush" to describe specific things. these just don't seem like a 10 year old boy would be thinking of things with these particularly large words. i am only pointing this out because words have been typically characterized as feminine or masculine and so i would like to suggest that you lighten up Luke's vocab just a bit. that is...unless perhaps he's a major word geek or an avid reader who just happens to know a great deal of words. so far it doesn't feel that way, however. please do not get me wrong elizabeth, i actually like this story a great deal. its extraordinarily creative. i hope you take my words to be constructive. i'm known for giving this kind of advice so please do not feel like im picking on you. lol. okay i think i've said enough. well done and please post more soon :D
♪♪Fatima♪♪ wrote: "Hiya Elizabeth, we were wondering if you would like to be the member who's writing will be featured this month, you'll get feedback and opinion on your work, but there are rules and obligations you..."Sure! Sorry, I wasn't sure how to message you. thanks
Excellent, we'll figure out the proper timing and date for you. Be prepared and tell us if you can make it.
More chapters are available of my Nanowrimo! Just in case anyone cared
Elizabeth wrote: "Thanks for really commenting. I appreciate it. Thanks for pointing out Luke's maturity level. I bumped up the age to 12, I also thought it was tough imagining him as a 10 year old. And yes, I'll go..."Elizabeth wrote: "♪♪Fatima♪♪ wrote: "Hiya Elizabeth, we were wondering if you would like to be the member who's writing will be featured this month, you'll get feedback and opinion on your work, but there are rules ..."
no problem. that's what i'm here for =)
Elizabeth wrote: "More chapters are available of my Nanowrimo! Just in case anyone cared"i think your latest chapter is awesome elizabeth! it's very exciting, what with all of the suspense building up. i like the cliff hanger especially. i know NaNoWriMo is over but i sincerely hope you post more of this soon =)
Yep. Working on the next chapter. I guess I didn't meet NaNoWriMo, but oh well! Definitely going to finish
it's okay that you didn't meet it. you're still crafting a great story and you have the will to finish it. that's what counts =)
Definitely. Just finished and posted another chapter!
okay so i picked up reading your latest posts on the Isabelle/Luke story and i love what you've added. the conversation between Isabelle and Tristan is really sweet and quite touching because it's so obvious that they care for each other deeply and you captured that emotion in them beautifully. im confused, however, by the fact that Isabelle thinks that Tristan doesn't love her. how can she feel this when she herself called him her best friend? my only other advice so far is to take that section with the song and make it it's own paragraph and perhaps italicize it or something. i got momentarily with isabelle's thoughts and the lyrics because it was formatted within the rest of that paragraph. great job
sorry, I don't know how to italicize. I have it italicized on word, but still haven't figured out how to do it on goodreads. Thanks for reading!!!
ah...ok. well i can tell you how. all you have to do is put a "" (without the quotes) before the first word of what is being italicized and a "" after the last word. i hope that's not confusing =Pand no problem with me reading it. i enjoy it
Actor 28. I decided to change it. Actor 28 is more fitting for the end. You'll see...;)
Omg! I am writing about mirrors too! This is hell!
Actor 28 is finished!!! I have started the sequel called "Curtain Call" (3 chapters are up)http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/2...
~THANKS~