gym bike race is so fun bcs both of them find themselves here. as everyone else is asleep. they are, from the beginning and in their singular competition, situated at a station that is so alienating, and lonely and carries insane amounts of pressure for performance. and apart from the veiled looks and heavy breathing this is really. pushing each other further in the thing they both want and need to excel at. finding a private space in the highly performative hetero-masculine environment they can fall in so easily because they recognise each other. it is the middle of the night. both of them are here to exhaust their bodies back to sleep, to clear their minds. what a day huh.
this is the place they both independently chose, because their bodies are not only the center of their lives but also the only place where they can exert complete control and relinquish it to the flow of adrenaline. their bodies are their way of connection but it's ultimately their overlapping need and similarity that creates this space of interesection where rivalry becomes an incinerator for growth, making something greater together through that wanting to be better than but also for the other.
both needing to clear their head from external expectation and ilya pushing them both far enough out of their minds and to the limits of their bodies. the psychological erotics of contest. the semi-public location. the sweat. falling in sync with the other's breath. which is of course gay sex. it's cruising at the gym. here, already, ilya says more and he says it again later too. and again and again. and shane lets himself look. opens himself to it.
