ruusverd:

I often refer to my bottle-raised lamb as my adopted daughter, because it’s mostly true, it temporarily keeps nosy strangers from knowing I’m an eeeevil childfree woman, and it’s hilarious when people find out. And by that time they’re usually too disturbed by the “her-daughter-is-a-sheep” thing to get on my case about the “woman-with-no-husband-or-kids-oh-the-horror” thing.

Most of my friends are aware that I do this, and will back me up in conversations without batting an eye when I reference my daughter. And the best part is that they literally never drop the story. They just 100% all the time accept that I have a two-year-old adopted daughter. The fact that she happens to be a sheep is an unimportant detail, not worth mentioning until an anecdote gets too weird to plausibly be about a human toddler.

Which actually takes much longer than you’d think, since human toddlers apparently have absolutely zero sense. “She bites if you stop paying attention to her” is believable, “she tries to eat rocks out of the landscaping” is believable, “she stuck her head through a fence and couldn’t get out” is believable. “She jumped a five foot fence and came screaming back into the house through the dog door when I left her outside in the pasture” does get some strange looks, though usually not for the right reason.

Occasionally the joke gets turned around on me, though. I posted a picture on my not-tumblr blog of her wearing my glasses, and every comment was “Oh my gosh she looks just like you!!!” “I would never have known she was adopted If you hadn’t told me!!” “Are you sure that’s not an old picture of you?!”

So apparently this is what I look like:

At least she does look cute in glasses.

3000s:

i-like-forcefem:

himejoshi-dumpster-diver:

superspecial-awesome:

*slide whistle* Ah cmon man not my gablins

youdontknowglenncasper:

today i found out that my backyard is an ancient my little pony burial ground.

everythingfox:

Meow meow meow meow

juney-blues:

thefabfreak:

afloweroutofstone:

They closed the Death Wendy’s over a year ago and I’m still mad about it. It was a Wendy’s located in the middle of a six-way intersection, requiring many pedestrians to cross the street 3 times in a row in order to get to it

It was one of the city’s top ten spots for car crashes, multiple people died there, and the service was terrible. I miss it dearly

b0tster:

played too many ps2 jrpgs where the main character is a girl as a kid and now i run like this

dogpuppy:

unregistered-hypercam2:

the evolution here is also a solid contender for meme of the year 2019

grimoiremanifest:

certainly-april:

Ragebaiting my fat dog? More like master baiting my fat hog!!!!!!!!

❗️Great Hog is displeased by this.

The kingly pig looks taken aback by this statement. “You claim to be ‘baiting’ our kind?.. A master of it, no less - after all the trust we hsve placed in you?”

- Your relationship with the Hog Society 🐖 is now Unfavourable.

maswartz:

bonniebugsy:

mercurymascara:

This is the opposite of the clip of the inbred anime girls trying to play basketball like infants.

penandinkprincess: