[guy confused about lesbian relationship voice]: okay ... so which one only tells lies?

put rainbow laces on all my shoes recently which is fun and sexy but has the side effect that i have gotten multiple "i like your shoelaces" from strangers and like. i cant NOT "i stole them from the president" in return. just in case. but its recieved mostly awkward laughs and looks of confusion. embarrasing myself in public out here over my damn shoelaces.

thinking about the time i took shrooms at the monterey bay aquarium, and they had this diorama of the ancient oceans with big plastic trilobites like very obviously attached to the floor by rods as they "swam" over the seafloor, and i stared at it for too long a time before going "oh my god this isn't real" and walking away somewhat teary eyed

I love characters who are extremely hypercompetent and simultaneously massive losers

snoopy of the day

this activates my like and reblog response

[ID: Three screencaps from Taskmaster. Fatiha El-Ghorri sits in the driver's seat of a stationary car. She says cheerfully, "I don't know how to drive." From off-screen, Alex Horne replies, "OK." Fatiha says, "But I've got road rage." End ID.]

#Grover has PTSD from Percy's last driving attempt

tragic when a thing gets hate for being 'woke trash' and you look into it and its not even that woke. like cmon man i was promised monacle popping gay commie propaganda. this is just a video game with a woman in it.

Soon enough the cigarette emoji 🚬 will go the same way as the real gun emoji and they will replace it with Blue Raspberry Ice Sour Fuck 9000 Disposable Vape

humans will see a cave and go in it

human from 40,000 years ago: oh sweet, a cave. I think I’ll go in there and draw on the walls.

human from modern times: oh sweet, a cave-like environment. I think I’ll go in there and draw on the walls.

PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS 2x07 "I Go Down with the Ship"

percy choosing to make a sacrifice to sally and not poseidon in hopes that she’ll hear him in season 1 and tyson saying they should call someone wiser and stronger to help get a ride and calling sally in season 2 oh sally jackson you are so incredibly loved by your sons

Hedgehog-shaped jar, Neolithic period (3500-3000 BCE)

Courtesy Alain Truong

I feel you, Neolithic hedgehog. I feel you.

I can’t be the only one who sees a glory hedgehog 

Grover and Tyson calling Sally: