So, Sirius swam from Azkaban (which is somewhere in the middle of the North Sea), to Surrey, and then to the Scottish Highlands? Instead of going straight from Azkaban to Scotland, and catching a glimpse of Harry at Hogwarts? All on paw as a dog?
Sirius is the most devoted godfather ever.
People get medals for swimming the narrowest part of the channel and Sirius was out here braving the entire north sea…..
order of the phoenix members & co as incorrect quotes
dumbledore: I’m telling you, my organization's members are all very intelligent and skilled. tonks, rushing in: dumbledore! remus and sirius tried to make pasta in the coffee pot and now it's broken!
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sirius: Ask me anything. Go ahead, I'll give you a straight answer. tonks: Why are we so fucking awesome? sirius: That's the best goddamn question anybody's ever asked.
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molly: I am going to need you to swear- sirius: Fuck. molly: molly: ...swear as in promise.
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molly : Are you drinking enough water? severus: Sometimes my tears get in my mouth.
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tonks: So... what would you do if you were in bed with me? remus: Depends. Is your bed comfortable? tonks: Yes. remus: I'd sleep. I wanna sleep.
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dumbledore: I'm going to ask you to be respectful to each other. severus and sirius at the same time: I will respectfully decline.
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tonks: What happened?! sirius: Do you want the long version or the short version? tonks: Short?? sirius: Shit's fucked. tonks: ...Okay, long. sirius: Shit's very fucked.
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mad eye: So I have made the decision to trust you. tonks: A horrible decision, really.
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harry: We have a problem. severus, probably: No, you have a problem. We have an idiot who keeps making them.
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sirius: Hey I just got a pet snake. What should I name him? remus: A pet WHAT?! tonks: William Snakespeare.
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dumbledore: severus is forbidden from monologuing. at meetings, at least.
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sirius: Remus, old friend, would you take a killing curse for me? remus: ...yes? *snape angrily bursts into the room* sirius: *running away* Great, thanks!
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dumbledore: If you get in trouble, I'm gonna be like... a lawyer to you. Ok? harry: Okay. *later* ministry bro: Potter! Sit down on the chair, you're in trouble. dumbledore, whispering: Deny everything. harry, loudly: That isn't a chair.
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mundungus: stop forgiving my crimes, i worked so hard on those.
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mad-eye: We've got to find a way to cut down our expenses. What can we live without? kingsley: dumbledore, probably. he bought six new purple robes just this week with the budget we were going to use to bribe mundungus. dumbledore: hey! i'm the only one paying for our expenses!
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severus: Why aren’t you sleeping? sirius: I’m too busy plotting your murder to sleep, severus. severus: sirius: …The nightmares. severus: severus: Don't look at me like that, I'm not giving you a hug.
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molly: my future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful and organized. arthur: *steps on a rubber duck and proceeds to drop to his knees and sob while apologizing profusely.* molly: that one. i want that one.
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arthur: Define “dream” for kids. severus: Dream - the first thing people abandon when they learn how the world works. molly : That’s too dark!
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dumbledore: I can explain. some obscure person like emmeline vance, maybe: Can you? dumbledore: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.
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dumbledore: You know you've made it when you see your picture everywhere you go. mad-eye: Those are wanted posters!
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remus: I’m sad. tonks: Don’t be sad, because sad backwards is das. tonks: And das not good.
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fleur: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt. bill: Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.
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severus: Everything will be ok. You can not stop it. mad-eye: Everything will be fine. You have no choice. mundungus: What kind of pep talk is that? severus: Ominous positivity.
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mad-eye: Someone will die. tonks, sarcastically: Oh, fun!
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Harry, Ron and Hermione: *Kick the door down looking panicked.* kingsley: What did you do? harry: Nobody died. ron: *nods* molly: WHAT KIND OF AN ANSWER IS THAT?!
the order of the phoenix members & co as incorrect quotes pt 2
(as an anniversary post to one of my favorite incorrect quote collections)
molly: Alright, listen up you little shits. molly: Not you Harry. You’re an angel and we’re thrilled you’re here.
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tonks: Hey guys, I found a spider. Cool little lad. Thanks for eating the mosquitos. tonks: Oh no, where did it go? mad-eye, standing on a chair: TONKS WHAT THE FUCK?!
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remus: Snape has only scowled at me three times this week. Our acquaintanceship is really improving.
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dumbledore: I've been expecting you, harry. harry: How did you do that without turning around? dumbledore: Let's just say the first few people I did that to were not you.
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kingsley, warning about a death eater coming at tonks: To the left! tonks: Take it back now y'all!
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tonks: What happened to your nose? mad-eye: I used it to break someone's fist.
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snape: You read my diary?
dumbledore: At first I did not know it was your diary. I thought it was a handwritten book about a kind of sad fellow. And then I came to a chapter called 'I hate my fucking bosses,' and thought it sounded a little too familiar.
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sirius: I apologize for saying 'fuck' during the meeting and horrifying these dear kids. molly: You just said it again. sirius: I am not a role model.
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tonks: Mad-eye said it's my turn with the brain cell! sirius: Alright, square up-
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sirius: What do you call a dictionary on drugs? kingsley: "Addict-ionary"? sirius: I was actually going to say "high definition", but your answer's much better. kingsley:…
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dumbledore: It’s nice to be wanted, you know? minerva: Not by the law!
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remus, during deathly hallows probably: There’s always that weak little shit in the group who isn’t down with murder. remus: *glares at harry* harry: Well, sorry I have morals!
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tonks: So if our plan goes poorly, where should we meet up? mad-eye: The afterlife, probably.
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molly: Where are you going? fred and george: To either get ice cream or commit a felony. We'll decide on the way.
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tonks: You didn't think maybe we'd need some actual weapons? dumbledore: Knowledge is the best weapon- tonks: I’m pretty sure weapon is the best weapon.
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*trying to solve some mystery*
ron: I've connected the two dots. hermione: You didn't connect shit. ron: I've connected them.
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tonks: Who the fuck- kingsley: Language! tonks: Whomst the fuck- kingsley: No.
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mundungus: I think I mostly want to see what happens when this whole place breaks apart.
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hermione: Harry says thanks for popping by. He’d love to chat but he's up to his eyes in homework. perhaps if you could come by next week- snape and remus, coming to check on him: He’s climbing out the window isn’t he? hermione:
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sirius: *closes a cabinet* a crash is heard behind the cabinet door molly: What was that? sirius: sirius: The sound of someone else's problem.
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*after discussing a plan* dumbledore: Does anyone have any questions? kingsley: Is this legal? dumbledore: Does anyone have any relevant questions?
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tonks: Hey mad-eye, are you awake? mad-eye: what tonks: Are you awake? mad-eye: Who the fuck do you think just said ‘what’?
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harry, at the end of order of the phoenix: You guys really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast? arthur: Several air traffic violations. kingsley: Three counts of resisting arrest. mad-eye: Roughly thirteen bottles of firewhiskey (collectively). tonks: *pointing at the knight bus* Also, that's not our bus.
Bonus:
dedalus, hestia, and those other guys in the order who are rarely mentioned in the books watching the main characters' shit go down: -The actual fuck is happening now??
Hinny 💍 - The One With No Voldy and Where Everyone Lives
AU, where Harry happens to hear a conversation between his grandfather, Fleamont Potter, and his father, James. Fleamont, who has been looking weaker by the day, tells his son he knows his and Euphemia's time is coming to an end, and his only regret is not being able to witness Harry grow up and get married. This bothers Harry, and while on a playdate at the Burrow, he confides in Ginny, who responds as if it were the most obvious solution: "Then let's get married."
They persuade their families to arrange a gathering, and they con the Weasley brothers into decorating the backyard. Ron stands by Harry's side as his best man, while Luna is Ginny's bridesmaid. All it took was one look from Harry and Ginny to convince Sirius to turn into Padfoot to be their ring bearer/flower girl; his outfit consisted of a bowtie and a tutu (James, Remus, Gideon, and Fabian nearly fell off their chairs laughing so hard).
They made each other's wedding rings. Harry's ring was made from the metal from his grandma's old Auror badge (which Euphemia gave to her willingly) and the very first snitch he caught for the first time and gifted to her. Ginny convinced Fabian and Gideon to transform into a ring. Ginny's ring was made of her favorite green bubble gum (that was suspiciously similar to Harry's eye color) and twigs of their broomsticks as the band, which Harry convinced his dad and Sirius to smooth out and place an unbreakable charm on with an auto-replenishing charm on the bubble gum.
They both dressed themselves for the occasion, and Harry asked his mom and godmother Marlene to help him pick flowers for Ginny's bouquet. He smelled each one and was very picky persistent it had to smell like Ginny's hair. It took Harry HOURS until he was finally satisfied with the arrangement. Molly volunteered to make their wedding cake, and a few days before the wedding, Ginny told her dad in a very grown-up tone to wear a bowtie because he was walking her down the aisle on Sunday. Hinny asked Hagrid to marry them, and when it was time to kiss the bride, Harry was just about to protest/lecture Hagrid about how he should have asked Ginny for her consent instead of giving him permission "to kiss the bride" (the boy was Lily Potter's son and a true feminist at heart), when Ginny pulled Harry down and gave Harry a big kiss on the lips. The kid was frozen for a solid minute and then couldn't stop smiling as he followed his 'wife' around all day.
They made Fleamont and Euphemia's wishes come true.
Then, 16 years later, they got married again.
