I started using Head and Shoulders ten years ago for itchy scalp and dandruff, and then for ten years I have not had itchy scalp and dandruff, so I thought “why do I still buy shampoo to combat itchy scalp and dandruff when I do not have itchy scalp and dandruff,” so I stopped buying the shampoo for itchy scalp and dandruff and can you guess I have now? Can you predict what currently afflicts me? It’s alright if you can’t because apparently I fuckin couldn’t either
Cutting something out of your life because you think you don’t need it any more only to realize that it was in fact working as intended and preventing a problem that will return should you stop doing this is a good experiment to run periodically with something small like dandruff shampoo, lest you start to think it would be a good idea to do this with like let’s say public health and the social safety net and vaccines
I had a liver transplant when I was 14 and like six months later I was chatting with my surgeon and he said “there’s gonna come a time, probably when you’re a teenager, where you’re gonna think, ‘I feel great, why am I still taking all this medication? I haven’t needed it in years.’ and you’re gonna want to stop taking all this medication. Guess what’s gonna happen then? You’re gonna go into rejection and your liver is gonna start failing, and you’re gonna be dying again, and we’re gonna have to find you another liver. So don’t do that.” And I said “why the fuck would anyone do that?” and he said “people are stupid.”
every once in a while when I get annoyed by a pharmacy or don’t wanna get out of bed to do my drugs I think “ugh, this is dumb, why do I do this?” and that conversation slams into me like a truck and I remember that I am, in fact, stupid
Sometimes my friends enter into such bad relationships it almost feels like a social experiment to see how long it’ll take before I’m like, “You’ve gotta dump them.”
What do you mean they accused you of emotionally cheating on them withyour brother, because you talked to him a lot after your mom died? You need to run.
So let me get this straight. They won’t let you wear green because one time your ex said they liked you in green?
How do they not know how to do laundry? What’d they do before you? Took it to their mom?? They are 40 years old!
Wait. You are not allowed to take Ibuprofen because they think you will become addicted… to not having a headache? I’ll get rid of your headache rn.
Why are they posting on public social media like, “Longing to experience love someday…” They are engaged. To you. Your wedding is in like 90 days. Get a refund!
Pump the breaks! The person you met at a bar just 6 months ago convinced you to stop taking your medications, waited until you became manic, legally married you 24 hours later, and then removed you from the country to live in a place you’ve never even been, effectively severing you from all contact?
You’re not allowed to go to bed after washing your face because they expect you to reapply a full face of make-up to sleep in… that green concealer cannot cover up all these red flags!
When I was in middle school, I really wanted a rat and my mama got me one before I had the chance to do any research, and I named him Mildew, and then I learned that rats get all fucked up if they don’t have a buddy, so I got him a brother and I named the brother Dildew. Something to consider if you are currently pregnant with twins.
