I’ve been laughing at “fuck this lemon you take it” for several minutes
take this papaya from my cold dead hands is sending me again oh my god
badminton is dont hit the fucking ground you stupid disgusting baby bird
every day this post has more responses that make me lunge back in my chair with the most unnecessarily loud cackle
Hockey is I’m gonna launch this peppermint patty at you and the only way to stop me is violence
curling is my two friends and i really want to put a watermelon in that exact spot, but the floor disagrees
relay racing is "here, you take this leek"
he was bracing himself for bad news
i was going to be like "love being treated like a junkie at the target cvs" but then i remembered the concept of a junkie is a societal construct and there's no hierarchy between a so called drug addict and a prescription drug user and i should instead join forces with my junkie brethren and storm the fucking cvs together. welcome to the harmacy
Woodland detectives
Jack Cassidy's in for it now.
USA state department declared a freeze on processing all immigration visas for over 1/3 of all countries in the world (no surprise main targets are South America, Africa, and South/Southwest/Southeast/Central Asia) now can deny applicants if they’re overweight which is not long before they stop processing all paperwork altogether which is just more numbers for ICE to terrorize & target
It’s really crazy to see how hard people flounder if you are even remotely confrontational like we have a generation of people who think they can communicate through passive aggressive games of telephone and insta stories and get scared if you tell them no. This sounds like something someone’s boomer grandpa would say but it’s true though
cats can open their mouth and deliver a 'fish blast.' this supremely lowers the morale of everyone in the radius
Environmental storytelling or something like that
Interesting how the transfeminine version got marked mature literally *as* I posted it, very clearly hitting some sort of automated filter, while the cis version was untouched by the filter even though it was otherwise identical
Upside to stop and go traffic- I could get a picture of these absolutely iconic bumper stickers.
Tyson and Grover: we need someone to get us a ride
Tyson and Grover, 5min later: hi mom please come pick us up
i think ao3 should have a feature like an anonymous kudos but instead of kudos its "i jorked it to completion" and you can leave as many of these as you want and obviously authors would opt-in to this feature on a per-fic basis but like. i want the stats, you know.
I find it so insane when women don’t leave their bfs for raising their voices at them like immediately if a man is raising his voice at you you need to beat the hell out of him rob him and then throw him into a river like the fuck
To all the women in these notes talking about how they’ve been there and they will never let a dude treat them like this ever again I love you and I’m so proud of you. Beat his ass
at some point in your life you will be boiling fruit, water, sugar, and lemon juice in a pot to make a syrup or jam. the instructions will tell you to simmer for a certain amt of time. your timer will go off and you will look at the pot and go, "hm, this doesn't look thick enough. maybe i'll let it go for another 10 minutes." this is the devil speaking. it's only so liquid right now because it is at boiling point. it will thicken when it cools down. learn from the follies of my youth and do not let this happen to you
at some point in your life you will be making a sauce or a stew in which you need to add cornstarch to thicken it. and you will prepare a slurry of starch in cold water and think "this looks like way too little starch to thicken this amount of liquid." this is the devil speaking. cornstarch instantly polymerizes at 95°C and if you add too much it will turn into an impossibly thick goop.
at some point in your life you will be making some sort of cream based dessert that requires gelatin to thicken it. and you will soak some gelatin sheets in water and think "this is too few gelatin sheets for this amount of cream." this is the devil speaking. it will thicken in the fridge and if you add too much you will end up with milk jelly
Something I think about a lot is when dj khaled spent a day lost at sea on a jet ski literally just because he drove away and got lost and started live posting about it and as he got increasingly panicked he started making like inspirational insta stories about his opps wanting him to fail even though he was entirely responsible for the situation and just started saying shit like “they don’t want you to WIN. they don’t want you to get found when you’re lost at sea in the dark”