Every single time I watch women's wrestling, dad puts on Devil Wears Prada after I am done. Apparently butches give him visual trauma or something.

Cousin: That's kinda gay?

Dad: Watching a movie with elegantly dressed beautiful women? You sure, kid? What's next, liking ballet is gay?

Cousin: Well, if we apply your logic to pops and... I don't want to continue this thought.

Dad: Exactly.

Zosan Soulmate AU:

Random, but very distinctive phrases tattoos people get when they turn 16.

"This Wellington is as beautiful as the first love!" vs "A wolf may not be as strong as a lion or a tiger, but it doesn't do tricks in a circus".

Sanji, after getting a tat: Oh no. Guys, I need this chav cringe crap tattooed over, get me a full damn sleeve of inkwork!

...

Zoro: ...who the fuck is this Wellington?

Luffy: Meat!

Zoro: Yeah, yeah, we'll find something to eat soon, cap...

Luffy: No really. Wellington beef. It's like a meat pie. I know everything about meat, Zoro!

Zoro: (even more confused)

Ok hear me out:

Anastasia remake, but evil zombie wizard Rasputin hunts Felix Yusupoff, Dmitri Romanoff, Vladimir Purishkevich and Oswald Rayner.

(why am I feeling The Mummy vibes...)

Nami: Where the hell is Sanji, we gotta leave.

Luffy: Upstairs. I think he's busy.

Zoro: There are several girls with him.

Nami: ... (goes to the stairs)

Zoro: You sure you want to see his junk?

Nami: I want to see how many of those poor things I can save.

Usopp: And take to your room? (wink-wink)

Nami: Precisely.

Usopp: ...I was joking???

Zoro: What happened to "we gotta leave now"?!

Luffy: Double standards. It's as if you just met Nami yesterday.

Zoro: (angry grumbling into his morning beer)

Every single time I try to write Zosan, I fail. Zoro doesn't want to listen to me, his ass stays aromantic as fuck.

Soulmates AU: they are platonic besties, Sanji ends up dating Goth Daddy Mihawk

Post canon: Ivankov turns Sanji into a girl just for lulz, Sanji sleeps with Nami. Then gives a kid to Zoro AS A FRIENDLY FAVOUR, turns back into a guy, reunites with Pudding (they have a beautiful Addams family like relationship, a restaurant and five daughters), Zoro's aromantic ass lives with them because why not

Sea hubby AU:

Attempt 1: sanuso endgame

Attempt 2: tragic acesan endgame

Attempt 3: lawsan endgame

Zoro, god fucking dammit, can you be not aromantic at least once????

(crawls to watch opla, mb pillow princess ship cat Zoro will work...)

Following the take in the previous post...

Idea!

Sanji thinks that Zoro is his "sea husband". Because their relationship is exactly what he saw Patty and Carne doing for years. Meanwhile Zoro: oblivious.

Sanji: I love my dumb sea hubby. We fight, we fuck, I make him ramen, we go on dates where he eats, and I talk, it's a bliss.

Zoro: (anime butterfly meme) Is it frenemies with benefits relationship? Is it hatesex?

A lot of people somehow read Sanji's behaviour as misogyny/homophobia, and I am kinda tired of coming across that in fanfiction. And especially tired of pure christian guilt in his povs in Zosans and all. I'll explain:

This dude grew up and spent his puberty in the sea. Surrounded by men. He just did not see women that often hence the "my goddesses" attitude towards girls.

=>

Mano-on-mano action in the universe with so many pirates/sailors? Absolutely normal. Especially in Baratie, the sea restaurant with all-male staff.

=>

Possible problems? Military/prison kind of rhetorics. In that universe in general. Feminine/crossdressing men could be treated or talked about in derogatory tones (slut, cumdump, etc). If that is what he grew up hearing... The "I am not wearing that fcking dress" attitude makes sense in a bit of a horrifying kind of way. The boy could have heard/seen some shit.

=>

With what the cooks at Baratie were like... He could even consider one of the Straw hats his "sea hubby". Zoro, if his relationship role models were, let's say, Patty and Carne. Usopp, if he looked up to a more chill couple (like, he helps out the girls when needed... and Usopp too? Why...).

=>

Luffy, Zoro and Usopp spent their formative years on the land, hence they were less likely to adopt that kind of world view, but still not immune to that.

=>

My take is:

Gays are not "weird" in that universe hence the lack of term, bi's are not weird either. Straights... kinda weird, but fine, whatever.

So the "mistreated minorities" are okamas (I guess ever since Ivankov the embodiment of badassery came into the picture that rhetoric started to get weaker, but that's a long way).

So Sanji's Momoiro Island problem was not the classic christian "this is wrong - why? - it just is!", but "I don't want to be treated like shit, because that is what usually happens to okamas at sea, and I don't want to test my friendship with my crew". That's not a -phobia in its classical modern day understanding. Like are you a homo-(or whatever)-phobe because you don't want to get raped in prison?

I guess at some point Sanji could even start crossdressing again, because "You can wear whatever you want when no one can beat your ass", but on his own terms. Let's be fair, our boy Sanji has class, he likes fancy stuff, and the thing they put on him on Momoiro Island... that's grandma's nightshirt and grandma's makeup. He can do better.

This is the same dude who didn't want to change back from Nami's body btw, so

I have a beef with Toei like any other guy out there, but the "post time skip Robin and Zoro whitewashing" has an explanation.

1. Oda says Robin is Russian. She got whiter? She cancelled her tanning salon membership. 95% of my classmates and colleagues circa 2000-2020 went to tanning salons once a week. Now though, Korean beauty trends are at the top, so tanning salons in Russia went BROKE.

2. Zoro lived with the Goth Daddy for 2 years, ofc Mihawk taught him the importance of SPF.

Usopp though, that's a nope, why is he white, wtf dudes