people who only use conventional social media are so funny bc they’ll casually be like “can I see your tumblr??” are you Insane. this is no instagram or twitter. this is my vault of secrets

"Oh can I see what stuff you see on Tumblr?"

life could be so much easier if i could oscillate between a pussy and a dick at will but im sure many people feel this way

not what I thought they was talkin about

Sometimes you send something you found online to a friend because you want to brighten their day, and sometimes you send something you found online to a friend with the precise attitude and bearing of a cat very carefully lining up their paw with the back of another cat's head.

I need dick on a new level never before seen

are you prepared to handle metaphysical cock from a bear 6 cuils removed from his own body?

I can handle cock at ANY level of abstraction.

*closes my ancient tome* he's ready

*turns to the council* unleash the fractal hypercock

are you reading tumblr on an ancient tome?

not impordant right now

absolutely hate it when I wake up tired like what the fuck did I lie unconscious for

Need a falconry license for this thang

This thing has made 14 new little things if you even care

Obsessed with a city near me doing a pothole initiative with #showusyourhole the wording of the whole thing is so beautiful. I need a crew to service my hole in a professional manner. Come fill my hole

at the vet because apparently tylenol decided to eat a joint

she's going to be ok she's just high as fuck

Developing new spiders here

???

happy anniversary to the great molasses flood

Don't use Gemini or ChatGPT just use me, I can give you misinformation and I'll do a little dance

my roommates car is named barff. it was originally bought from a dealership called garff, but then she tinkered with the g on the license plate thing so it looks like a b and now the car is just called barff.

my wife once asked our roomate where she was parked in a group chat. but she messed up the word "parked" and instead spelled it as "garked". and then me and my roommate just started referring to parking as garking because its just really fun to give my wife shit. its just part of the professional little brother playbook.

but also, at some point it stopped being ironic and we just started calling parking garking.

then today me and my wife were looking out the window and we saw our roommate struggling to do a three point turn into a parking space. and as fun as it is to give my wife shit its also really fun to give our roommate shit. so we ran outside and we ran around her car while chanting GARK THE BARFF. GARK THE BARFF. GARK THE BARFF. and then she did, eventually, gark the barff. theres no moral to this its just a surreal part of my life that i really enjoy. maybe tease people more? find your barff and gark it and never ever stop?

@thicketscratches you get it