absolutely could not live with myself if i did not share this with all of you:
The chewerrrrrrs
These DORKS
So I've got this friend whose nervous because she's trans and dating this guy who she hasn't told yet because they've only been on a two dates. For this story let's call the friend Jane and the guy she was dating Jason. Happy ending don't worry.
So I tell Jane to bring her boy over to a bbq I'm having and she can tell him she's trans at my place surrounded by queer and trans people who love her and will support her if he ends up being awful.
She waits till the end of the bbq to tell him the news, by which point the rest of us have learned that Jason is a kind, friendly, empathetic, hard working, dummy. So we sit down, all of us a little worried about this gym bro's reaction when she tells him she's trans, and that she understands if he doesn't want to keep dating her it's no big deal.
He's baffled, so we explain what trans is, and after the disclosure that she hasn't had bottom surgery yet...
"Oh you have a dick?"
"... yeah."
He look's around at the room full of people with baited breath, his clearly a little afraid girl friend says
"Oooohhhh! I get it! You think- don't worry Babe! Watch this!"
And ya'll this man jumps up, runs into the kitchen and returns with one of the bratwurst we had for grilling and proceeds to tilt his head back, put it down his throat, hold it in his mouth for a moment, and spit it up without even a whisper of a gag and then looks around at the group absolutely beaming with pride.
My mans saw his worried girlfriend and her support network and thought to him self "Oh they don't think I can't please my girl, but I'll show them!"
I do feel the need to add that later he excitedly tell the group that as a straight guy, he never thought that skill would be useful outside hotdog eating contests.
"Man its too bad that im straight since I've got like no gag reflex and all."
"Honey, I must tell you, i am in fact trans and I have not had bottom surgery."
"My god... everything's coming up Jason."
Pure of heart dumb of ass hetero of sexual
shit man tomorrow is christmas eve i swear yesterday was June 2010
As is tradition in tumblr culture the locals unearth the corpse of a long deceased figure and drag it across the streets merrily, laughing at what is preserved of the person’s words. This custom, seen as morbid in other cultures, is instead done gleefully and with an unmatched enthusiasm
it's good for your mental health to have mutuals who are wildly horny about kinks which do nothing at all for you
this is both as in. sometimes you will realise that actually these kinks do do something for you and that can be very eye-opening and liberating
and also as in. sometimes you will hear someone decry these kinks as indicative of moral failing, and being friends with people like this makes you immune to that sort of knee-jerk outrage
Also primes you for awareness that there are a lot of people who like a lot of things you don’t like or even that make you uncomfortable, and that is okay, has nothing to do with their character, and is also none of your business.
It’s always good practice. Remember that minding your own business costs $0 and has numerous health benefits.
“Having freaky friends to immunise you against moral panic” is a take so good I can’t believe I don’t hear it more often.
"I have been attending the Devil's sacrament with you perverts for three weeks straight and you haven't awakened a fucking thing in me."
Thinking back to the first story I ever started writing down (I was 7 or 8) about a group of stray cats who, every full moon, took the form of human kids. They actually were human kids, who had been killed (all at different times/by different people). Their bodies were each dumped by the side of the road where a cat had been hit by a car previously, and their souls landed in the cats' bodies. Eventually they all found each other and decided that every full moon, when they shifted, they'd try to solve each other's murders one by one. It was going to be a series, with each book focusing on a different kid's murder mystery. I told my mom about it once, briefly, and she said "Those cat books (warrior cats) are making you creepy."
Just finished writing this manuscript, the first story I ever started. 23 years in the making. Never give up, even if your mom calls you creepy 🖤
NEVER GIVE UP PEOPLE WE’RE GONNA GET THE STRAY CATS AND DEAD KIDS STORY
I’ve always felt like kids are just baseline pretty sticky. That’s their natural state- some stickiness is to be expected. They get into hijinks and they’re exploring the world and gunk is gonna accumulate.
Years ago my friend was offering me a giant teddy bear after I said I was thinking about those giant Costco ones since his kids didn’t play with theirs anymore.
“Mm. No thank you,” I said.
“Why? You said you wanted one.”
“I do, but not to be rude, I’m afraid yours is gonna be sticky.”
“What?! Why would it be?!”
“Kids are just sticky! It’s not their fault, they just are!”
He huffed and puffed with outrage and told me I didn’t know anything about having kids true and that his two daughters were not sticky suspect.
A week later I went to the zoo with him and his family. His youngest daughter was coming on three at the time, and the older was around seven. He was surprised to see I got on well with both girls and we were all having a nice day.
Then around midday the younger girl approached where I was chatting with her mom and announced, “I sticky mommy!!” with both sticky hands raised in the air covered in an unknown glistening substance. While her mom started fishing out a wet wipe I whipped around to look pointedly at my friend.
He wouldn’t meet my eyes but in a mutinous voice he protested, “At least she didn’t want to stay sticky.”
I patted his arm smugly and we continued on our way.
[image description: an excerpt of text that says:
“It’s funny,” I told Flewin. “We have an old Nintendo Game Boy floating around the house, and Tetris is the only game we own. My wife will sometimes dig it out to play on airplanes and long car rides. She’s weirdly good at it. She can get 500 or 600 lines, no problem.”
What Flewin said next I will never forget.
“Oh, my!”
/end id]
TL;DR on the article
The husband was writing an article on classic video game records, was surprised to find out that holding the Tetris record is a bit of a big deal, and mentions how good his wife is at it.
The guy he’s talking to mentions that the record is 327, way lower than his wifes usual scores of 500-600.
They travel to a tournament, and she goes to do her attempt. Just after she beats 327, and is climbing higher, a judge brings up to the husband that the specific version she’s playing actually has a different record of 545.
She overhears that she needs to beat 500-something, and keeps going, setting the record at 841.
which, they later find out, is her second-best record
There was a decent but ultimately forgettable fantasy novel I read a long time ago that had a single moment that stuck with me.
The protagonist has just won the world famous sword fighting competition in the big, rich capital and is talking to his mentor, and says something about being the best swordsman in the world. The mentor frowns and tells him that no, he isn't. He is the best swordsman out of the people that could afford to show up to this tournament. There could be a mercenary way out in the mountains, patrolling a snow encrusted fort's walls that could kick his ass and there was no way to know until he was already losing to the guy.
I think about that a lot, and how for every apparently dominant competitor, there might be a fucking ronin out there somewhere capable of destroying them.
Always reblog tetris ronin lady
Favorite bird genre has got to be 'that's literally just a dinosaur'
Groove-Billed Ani
Hoatzin
Pheasant Coucal