Shit man, this trojan war is fucked. I just saw a guy raise his hands to the sky and say “grey-eyed athena, strengthen my spear” or some similar shit, and he felled 27 men at once before being whisked away by divine mist. The narrator didn’t even mention him, that’s how common shit like this is. My ass is stuck with a bow and 2 arrows. I think I just heard “would to god my rage, my fury would drive me now to hack your flesh away and eat you raw” two groups over. I gotta get the fuck outta here.

anime of the year and every year

happier times

i think the best way to adapt wuthering heights actually is if we keep it in lockwoods perspective like in the book and have nelly telling him the story and the movie is him imagining it like drunk history style except he can't imagine heathcliff having ever been younger then like 40 something so its just all ages of heathcliff played by the same actor as current timeline heathcliff

also this way we get to keep the part where lockwood meets his landlord and promptly gets mauled by a group of dogs

the beginning of wuthering heights, summarized:

dear diary,

i finally made it to my new place! it’s in the middle of absolutely nowhere. but it’s really awesome. except my landlord is kind of a lunatic. he lives next door. met his family. i don’t understand how any of them are related and i don’t think i want to. i assumed this hot girl was his wife or something but apparently she’s his daughter-in-law (awkward!) and his son is dead or something. they all despise each other and myself as well. i keep going to hang out with them though because i’m bored and lonely lol! my landlord and his servants let a pack of dogs attack me multiple times and then laughed about it. i got stuck in a storm and now i’m sick. also i found a bunch of things belonging to a dead girl named catherine and i'm pretty sure her ghost tried to break into my room and then my landlord ran around screaming and crying? don't know what all that's about. but any way the place really is super cool though!!!

love, lockwood (xoxo)

Ok. So going into wuthering heights, i had absolutely zero idea what the book was about, other than the fact that there was romance in it and also a ghost.

So when i read the lines:

“Mr. Heathcliff and I are such a suitable pair to divide the desolation between us. A capital fellow! He little imagined how my heart warmed towards him when I beheld his black eyes withdraw so suspiciously under their brows, as I rode up, and when his fingers sheltered themselves, with a jealous resolution, still further in his waistcoat, as I announced my name.”

I was like “Oh! This is the romance part! This must be some lady that has a crush on Heathcliff!!”

Until he announced himself as mr. lockwood in the next paragraph.

(28) Ace Attorney comic 02- thinking…

Phoenix Wright looks like your average cheery protagonist but he is exasperated by everything and constantly thinking sarcastic one-liners about how stupid everyone else is (including his own friends).

Miles Edgeworth’s sprites make him look like he is about to murder a man but in reality he cant because he’s too busy thinking about his samurai show special interest and having staring contests with himself in the mirror and saying ergo and eureka in the lamest possible contexts.

wuthering heights in memes (p2)

wuthering heights and thrushcross grange:

heathcliff writing love letters to cathy 2.0 under his sons name:

linton heathcliff:

hindley when heathcliff knocks at the door:

aaaand heathcliff, right before reducing hindley to a bloody puddle:

everyone when heathcliff shows up after 3 years:

anything: happens

joseph:

[heathcliff talking to infant hareton after hindley's death] ". . . previous to following with Hareton, he lifted the unfortunate child on to the table and muttered, with peculiar gusto, 'Now, my bonny lad, you are mine! And we'll see if one tree won't grow as crooked as another, with the same wind to twist it!' The unsuspecting thing was pleased at this speech: he played with Heathcliff's whiskers, and stroked his cheek . . ."

heathcliff, 3 seconds after marrying isabella:

more rambling thoughts about wuthering heights now that i've finished my re-read

1 wuthering heights is basically the looney tunes if the looney tunes were goth. 90% of the novel is people arguing, dying, and running around threatening to kill each other, and often all three of those at once.

2 love how it's filled with dark humor. "he's such a cobweb, a pinch would annihilate him" is such a camp thing to say about the terminally ill child you abhor and who you spend weeks trying to set up on dates with your dead lover's child so you can steal her property when your son finally dies. heathcliff lecturing his son on Seduction 101 right in front of cathy 2.0, trying ridiculously to play cupid and compel them to fall in love with each other before giving up and just kidnapping her instead... surely he's the most insane brontë man?

3 i can't remember what i had for dinner last night but nelly dean can remember what the weather was like on any given friday twenty years ago (love her and her snarky comments)

4 love how after nelly finishes telling the story to lockwood she's like "any way. so you know cathy 2.0 is single right ;)))" and then cathy 2.0 shows zero interest in him. so then he's like "oh i just remembered i have somewhere to be :/" then fucks off to london for nearly a year then when he comes back nelly is like "nvm as it turns out cathy and hareton are actually soulmates lol who knew! gee, it's a good thing she didn't like you!" and he's just silently suffering. emily was just fucking around here. hindley was the only linton/earnshaw/heathcliff who was wild enough to marry someone who didn't share either his gene pool or his neighborhood.

5 i imagine joseph to look like smeagol from the lotr films but taller

6 [heathcliff, after stabbing his alcoholic arch nemesis and then pushing his servant into the puddle of the blood] "Wash that stuff away; and mind the sparks of your candle—it is more than half brandy!” LMAO

7 this opinion list is just turning out to be a list of the most insane heathcliff moments but truly the novel should've just been called "heathcliff"

8 heathcliff's weird paternal feelings for hareton, saving hareton's life, him saying he would truly love him if only he wasn't hindley's child, basically giving hareton his blessing to love cathy 2.0 toward the end... so oddly endearing

9 heathcliff walking out just before the "i am heathcliff" part of her speech. why WHY

10 hindley protecting isabella from heathcliff before she flees was nice and i wish we saw more of their dynamic around the heights. honestly aside from the child neglect (which is par for the course in wuthering heights) hindley is a pretty sympathetic character; his rivalry with heathcliff was fueled by both sides and truly the fault of their father for pitting them against each other by letting heathcliff usurp hindley's place of favoritism as a boy. hindley's gambling and drinking, his general dissipation and failure to secure his son's future, are all tragic.

11 i think hindley/edgar/heathcliff are all interesting foils for each other; they each lose the women they love and are left to be single fathers, and each responds to the task totally differently. if we include mr. earnshaw, all the fathers in the story essentially fail their children after all the mothers die. hindley and heathcliff have a special parallel through their lifelong brotherly competition, the women they love both dying in childbirth, and in their own deaths. hindley slowly kills himself while ignoring everyone around him; heathcliff also kills himself, but only after trying to systematically ruin the lives of everyone around him. they also say that they want to kill each other but fail when they try; heathcliff nearly kills hindley but ends up saving his life at the last minute.

12 heathcliff jr. is so terrified of heathcliff sr. and so traumatized and petrified by fear and he doesn't deserve the hate he gets for being annoying. he's been sheltered his whole life, his mother just died, he was sent to his uncle/cousin only to be immediately torn away from them to be abused by a stranger who treats him horribly, he's terminally ill, he's still a kid, he's threatened into marrying someone he barely knows, etc.

13 if any of you have seen the british comedy show "the young ones" that's literally hindley's household in wuthering heights when joseph/hareton/hindley/heathcliff/isabella all live together. the filth, the slop for dinner, the petty games, the violence, the fierce hatred yet weird loyalty to each other, etc.

14 i really wonder how cathy would have reacted to heathcliff's treatment of everyone else if only she had known the full details (ie his harsh abuse of isabella, his son, cathy 2.0, etc.)

15 heights was my first brontë novel but i think i like jane eyre and tenant better now that i've read them all back to back! next on the list is likely agnes gray. anne, my underrated queen!