UC or ER?

HONESTLY THOUGH

THIS IS BOTH ACCURATE AND EFFECTIVE

Urgent Care is for your "Oh no!" accidents.

Emergency Care is for your "Oh fuck!" accidents.

yeah okay ill reblog that!

colorshow glassworks

the only way out is through but fuuuuuuuuuck fuuuuucckkkk cant i like scooch past or something

the woman dies.

im gonna fucking do it. as soon as i figure out what "it" even is. oooo just you wait

Whoever made you think you'd get teased for not drinking alcohol at parties was lying. You're their new supreme. You can go pick up more snacks. You can take care of the fallen. You can talk to the cops. If you have a car, you can drive people home.

In movies they always portray the sober person as a nerd but it's more like being a priest. Your lack of engagement in the carnal realities of the party makes you holy and powerful. You are a vital pillar of the community. A rock in a raging storm. Now go answer the door for the pizza man.

A once-in-a-lifetime shot — the moon perfectly framed by a rainbow. Caught at just the right time. 🌈 🌕

everyone on replies is terrified of this fact but i just think it's so sweet and heartwarming. she's holding our hand and leading us somewhere secret and we're both giggling like kids. i love her

let’s travel through the vast unknown with mama

Space chickens

here’s to all the things you survived quietly and privately this year

here’s to all the things you survived loudly, to the dead horses you beat, to the shit that makes you scream

it's genuinely bullshit that you should be required to own a mobile phone for participation in literally any aspect of life

this should be illegal and i'm not fucking joking

At the tail end of the pandemic, when I went to a restaurant and they were like “use the QR code menu”, I was like “with what? I don’t have my phone on me”. People looked at me like I was an alien but I didn’t care. I don’t trust QR codes.

I did this for all my medical appts at the tail end of the pandemic, too. They had a QR code thing at the entrance of the clinic. Half the time it didn’t work with my phone cause my phone was so damn old, plus the wifi was shit and we barely ever had more than two bars where the clinic was located.

It got to a point where I got frustrated, so I walked up to the checkpoint and was like, I don’t have my cell on me or my phone is not compatible with this technology or it’s out of battery. The people at the checkpoint asked the same questions as what the QR survey would. And it took less time. Though I was always eyed like I was crazy. At one point, I told one of the people at the checkpoints that basically it’s elitist to expect everyone to have a phone, let alone one that is compatible with QR codes or has access to Wi-Fi/network. Cause not everyone has unlimited plans.

Like don’t get me wrong. Technology is great but it’s not always reliable or accessible. And certain things should always be available to people, such as physical tickets or having a human being sign you in for appts.

Yes, this is my circus, those are my monkeys, and yes I deliberately gave them those flamethrowers.

I was trying to look up how much a horse weights in order to fact check a shitpost I was making, and encountered this beautiful image on wikipedia.

Prepare to meet your god you little shit.

my ducks? in a row. the elephant? addressed. my goose? cooked. my eggs? in several baskets. the bigger fish? fried.

Your monkeys ?

those aren’t mine.

Imagine that one day as you're walking on a hot sunny path, your hat jumps off your head and lands into a muddy ditch. And you look at your muddy hat and ask it: "What did you do that for?"

"I don't want to be a burden anymore", your hat answers. "You are always carrying me around, and I can't carry you. That's not fair."

"I don't mind carrying you, little idiot", you tell your hat, "you hardly weight anything at all, and you shelter me from the sun."

"But that's different", your hat protests. "I don't mind the sun scorching on me. That happens anyway. It's literally no trouble for me to shade you too."

"Just the same it's no trouble for me to carry you. But now, because you wanted to stop inconveniencing and bothering me, I am now hatless and you are in the dirt."

hello Aesop; how's the underworld been?

Every day I wake up and Hades kicks me in the nuts.