i think the best genre of image is "creatures trapped in starbucks cups with receipts reading [cup of water (no water, no ice, creature)]"

how it all feels lately

horror movies are so much scarier when the actors look like an average sampling of the human population. and the house is a little messy

when everyone has veneers and the house is pristine and tastefully decorated: (in the back of my mind) these people were hand-selected for visual appeal. this is a set. this is a story

when the actor has a little acne and there are dirty dishes in the sink: aaaaahhhhh this is just like Me and My House ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!

when everyone has veneers and the house is pristine and tastefully decorated: (in the front of my mind) these people had it coming

she cries if I dont hold her, so I have to use my exercise bike like this

*in a rap battle* i wonder who your mother could have been if she never had you

I never thought I would live to see a "your mom" joke that doesn't degrade their mom.

remember go nuts show nuts whatever

this wasnt a suggestion im talking abt tumblrs old nsfw policy

There is literally nothing more powerful on this planet than taking a 15 minute walk twice every day.

If you have ADHD like me, walk 15 minutes twice a day like your life depends on it.

should we not be on our phones during 15 minute walk, boss?

That phone is better off dead than in your hands.

Take a musician's advice: without.

But... but it's cold...

Jacket

The purpose of The Walk is to factory-reset your brain from the effects of overstimulation. The fewer things hindering your ability to think is best. Music is an external influence on your brain. As great as it is, it still hinders self-motivated thought and blocks you from attuning to the outdoors as easily. Everyone's different, but that's me.

Can confirm. I went undiagnosed for over 20 years mostly because I was taking multiple hours of dance classes per week for those 20 years. We had NO inkling that anything was ‘wrong’ with me until after I stopped dancing and my entire ability to function imploded.

Physical activity is CRUCIAL, neurodivergent friends. It is non-negotiable.

It’s not about burning calories or losing weight or getting gains or whatever, it’s simply about moving your muscles until the chaff in your brain blows away.

Also, the effect is very much cumulative. When I stopped dancing after 20 years of dancing six days a week, it took months before my brain caught up to the sudden lack of fitness activities and self-destructed. 15 minutes a day will give you exponential results, I promise.

(Also, if you ABSOLUTELY need music or a snack just to get you out the door for the first two weeks, then do that to get started, but aim to wean yourself off of them as soon as you are able.)

(Something I like to do on walks to hold my attention is to guess how old the houses are and/or when they were last renovated. My dad’s a contractor so thanks to him I can usually guess within the decade. The renovated ones are the most fun because then you have to figure out when the original structure what built despite the renovation trying to make it look newer than it really is.

Another variation you could try is count the different species of plants or birds you see or try to headcanon people’s personalities based on their window dressings or landscaping. Sometimes my dad will go out with a trash bag specifically to look for pop/beer cans in the ditch and collect them to take to recycling — spring is a great time for this as there are usually TONS of cans hiding under the snow that get revealed when it melts.

Basically just make a game of observing your surroundings to keep you off your phone and keep you moving as you look for the next thing that you’re counting. Remember the old I Spy game? It’s that but for grownups.)

lab safety but the teacher just wants you to die

reasons people might be looking at you in public (that aren’t negative)

Logically, it goes without saying, but it may bear repeating: this is also true at the gym

2026

so the cah pride pack has options for buying it “with glitter" and “without glitter” and knowing cards against humanity they just tip like 3 tablespoons of fucking glitter into the pack of cards and send it out

this is absolutely what they’ve done

I did it to myself so you don’t have to

send help

thank you for your sacrifice

I love cards against humanity

So I've got this friend whose nervous because she's trans and dating this guy who she hasn't told yet because they've only been on a two dates. For this story let's call the friend Jane and the guy she was dating Jason. Happy ending don't worry.

So I tell Jane to bring her boy over to a bbq I'm having and she can tell him she's trans at my place surrounded by queer and trans people who love her and will support her if he ends up being awful.

She waits till the end of the bbq to tell him the news, by which point the rest of us have learned that Jason is a kind, friendly, empathetic, hard working, dummy. So we sit down, all of us a little worried about this gym bro's reaction when she tells him she's trans, and that she understands if he doesn't want to keep dating her it's no big deal.

He's baffled, so we explain what trans is, and after the disclosure that she hasn't had bottom surgery yet...

"Oh you have a dick?"

"... yeah."

He look's around at the room full of people with baited breath, his clearly a little afraid girl friend says

"Oooohhhh! I get it! You think- don't worry Babe! Watch this!"

And ya'll this man jumps up, runs into the kitchen and returns with one of the bratwurst we had for grilling and proceeds to tilt his head back, put it down his throat, hold it in his mouth for a moment, and spit it up without even a whisper of a gag and then looks around at the group absolutely beaming with pride.

My mans saw his worried girlfriend and her support network and thought to him self "Oh they don't think I can't please my girl, but I'll show them!"

I do feel the need to add that later he excitedly tell the group that as a straight guy, he never thought that skill would be useful outside hotdog eating contests.

"Man its too bad that im straight since I've got like no gag reflex and all."

"Honey, I must tell you, i am in fact trans and I have not had bottom surgery."

"My god... everything's coming up Jason."

Pure of heart dumb of ass hetero of sexual

(deep in my coal mine) huh. maybe canaries just do that.