Reblogged kobolde
Reblogged the-long-dog
Reblogged akindplace
I’d divorce him too lmao
sustainableseparatists
sisyphereantask
It’s never JUST about the tomatoes.
Basically!
Throughout the day, partners would make requests for connection, what Gottman calls “bids.” For example, say that the husband is a bird enthusiast and notices a goldfinch fly across the yard. He might say to his wife, “Look at that beautiful bird outside!” He’s not just commenting on the bird here: He’s requesting a response from his wife—a sign of interest or support—hoping they’ll connect, however momentarily, over the bird.
The wife now has a choice. She can respond by either “turning toward” or “turning away” from her husband, as Gottman puts it. Though the bird-bid might seem minor and silly, it can actually reveal a lot about the health of the relationship. The husband thought the bird was important enough to bring it up in conversation and the question is whether his wife recognizes and respects that.
These bidding interactions had profound effects on marital well-being. Couples who had divorced after a six-year follow-up had “turn-toward bids” 33 percent of the time. Only three in 10 of their bids for emotional connection were met with intimacy. The couples who were still together after six years had “turn-toward bids” 87 percent of the time. Nine times out of 10, they were meeting their partner’s emotional needs.
Damn, this made me think of all the “shouting into the void” social media posts everyone makes. Just bids for connection. From ANYONE.
I think that is ABSOLUTELY what a lot of that is. Our culture is very isolated (even BEFORE covid!), and we’re desperate to connect with others. I read an article one time that suggested that childcare workers stop saying that a child is “Just wants attention” and start saying that the child is “looking for connection.” We’re starved for it even from childhood.
When they are speaking about a passion, respond to children as if you would a tenured professor at a prestigious university, and to an adult as if you would a child free of the burdens of adulthood.
Children are desperate to teach the wonders of the world that they know, that they have just learned, and share it with anyone interested. Adults pour passion they didn’t know they had into voluntary obligations, and crave a simple acknowledgment of that passion as being worthy and valid.
“Dear third grader, tell me exactly why you chose <x> as you third favorite carnivorous dinosaur instead of second, as specifically as possible.”
“Hey neighbor, your vegetable garden is absolutely gorgeous this year…and no I’m not just saying that because the tomatoes you gave me last year were absolute perfection.”
And if you can’t respond to the emotional bid at that moment, let them know you heard them. If there’s a gorgeous bird outside, ask your loved one to take a picture so you can share in it together. But by god, hear them. Tell them they were listened to.
That *is* a response though! Telling someone “I’m busy/low on energy right this moment, but if it’s possible, I’d love for you to show me this thing later” works just fine. At least so long as you establish a pattern of actually following up on it, even if it’s just going “hey, wasn’t there a thing you wanted to show me? a bird?”
Most people hate being told “later”, but that’s just because most people who say “later” really mean “I can’t be bothered”.
Reblogged proxykiwi
It's very endearing to me how many people are willing to keep an eye on a video feed so they can push a button and let a fish in the Netherlands get to the other side of a dam.
It is genuinely baffling to me, in a very kind and positive way, especially coupled with the local news continually going several shades of 'wtf, this thing is a roaring success again and we don't quite get why'. They've already quadrupled their capacity for simultaneous clicks and it's still nowhere near enough and there's just... Bewilderment.
- I think people want to help the environment in small but tangible ways, which is hard right now because of.. well... because of The Horrors. And being able to say 'wow! I helped this creature cross a dam' makes you feel good.
- I also think that most people can relate to a small, helpless creature trying to get from one place to another and there's a FUCKIN WALL in the way.
But to come back to point 1- Citizen Science fills a hole in the soul that wanted to go out on adventures and discover things when we were younger, but the study of it was hard or we didn't have the money or our schools were garbage. But you don't have to have a degree to do things like... press a button or download and use an app, or count or transcribe notes.
Anyways- here's some Citizen Science links if the Fish Doorbell makes you feel happy and you yearn for more ways to help scientists do stuff:
Zooniverse is a website that hosts information on many citizen science projects
Reblogged todaysbird
Doing the weekly version of Birbfest2026 this year and using it as an excuse to practice digital painting techniques.
Week 1 is the Bronzewing Pigeon, a supremely colorful lad! I like how his face turned out
Reblogged todaysbird
Awebo!
Reblogged bunjywunjy
goodnight sweetiepees. Fat-tailed Dunnart to keep you company
Reblogged the-long-dog
Reblogged queer-adhd
made this instead of doing my PT exercises
Reblogged todaysbird
DECEM-BIRD Day 24-Starling
Reblogged
I've had this post in my mind for a while, so,
EVERYONE IS TRANSMISOGYNY AFFECTED, DIPSHIT.
IT CAME FREE WITH YOUR FUCKING TRANSPHOBIC PATRIARCHY
That passing trans man looking for reproductive health? People will tell him he's "a crazy man identifying as a woman", not aware he transitioned TO and not FROM masculinity.
That intersex person? It dosen't matter if they identify as a man while having a larger chest area or if they identify as a woman while having broader shoulders and facial hair. *Just* the fact that they look "different" is enough to get people treating them like a "creepy guy".
The perisex nonbinary individuals who don't present as their agab? Clearly they're "creeps trying to invade womens' spaces without outright identifying as such".
That cis GNC person? They'll get called creepy and/or unsafe for their presentation.
TME/TMA dosen't work as a binary, because none of the people that use it would ever account for these people.
Reblogged bunjywunjy
i’m building a database.
Reblogged bunjywunjy
Quick and silly little gar
She's so pretty
Reblogged
Is funny when doctors and other peeps act like my problem is that I’m obsessed w/ my disability. Um no. You have it backwards. The problem is I HAVE to be cuz it is a constant problem.
I’m deaf. About 25 years ago, I was working for a little while as a classroom aide at a program that worked with deaf children with multiple disabilities. All the teachers and other classroom aides were hearing, but they all could sign. Not at native signing level, but enough to carry on a basic conversation.
So, one evening, all us adults bring all the kids to a special one-night camping trip. All the kids are put to sleep, which frees up the adults to get into a circle and have some fun to ourselves for a while. People start talking, except they were forgetting to sign. So I reminded them to please sign so I could understand them. One of them told me that, no, they weren’t going to sign because this was our night to have fun and not have to think about communication.
So no one signed all night. They talked, they laughed, they had fun. I sat, feeling lost and cut off and betrayed. I remember wishing I had had the nerve to say, “No, what you mean is, you want a night in which everyone EXCEPT ME gets to not think about communication.”
I think sometimes when non-disabled people insist that we are too obsessed with our disability, what they REALLY mean is, “I wish you would stop reminding me that I have a shared responsibility as a fellow member of society to proactively ensure that we all have an opportunity to be engaged in society. I wish you would just pretend to not have a disability so I can pretend that I don’t have to do anything to enable you to do the same things the rest of us are doing.”
The luxury of not needing to think about disability in a society that is designed to lock us on the cold outside is a non-disabled privilege.
This is the problem with many people who work with disabled people. They see inclusivity as work. When they leave work, they expect a world in which disabled people don’t exist.
My mother is a paraprofessional. She specializes in teaching children with special needs.
This makes many things she’s done disgustingly ableist.
- She hit me as a punishment. It should have been basic knowledge that I’d never be able to make sense of why it’s wrong for me to hit but okay for someone to hit me.
- She punished me for arguing whenever I asked for reasons. It should have been basic knowledge that rules are hard to understand without reasons, and that wanting to understand isn’t arguing.
- She expected me to hold onto thoughts on command whenever I’m in a loud room with many people talking at once. If I peacefully allowed her to continue the conversation she had but couldn’t hold onto my thought until it was my turn to speak, she got mad. She wrongly accused me of being impatient and expecting her to drop everything to listen to me immediately, even though I made it very clear countless times that I have zero problem with her continuing her conversation but I can’t hold onto my thought on command. It should have been basic knowledge that simply existing in a room with many people talking at once can be overwhelming, and that some people have many thoughts flying through their head regularly and would find it painful to be forced to hold onto one.
- She talked very fast and accused me of not listening if I couldn’t perfectly remember what she said the next day. It should have been basic knowledge that people can struggle to process large amounts of information on the spot or remember things like it’s nothing.
- She told me to look her in the eye and say that I didn’t do something and assumed I was guilty if I couldn’t do that. It should have been basic knowledge that eye contact is difficult and doesn’t equal paying attention or telling the truth.
- She added hidden meanings to things I’ve said and responded aggressively to what she thought I was implying, and didn’t even give me a chance to correct her misinterpretation. It should have been basic knowledge that it’s not possible to accurately assume what someone’s implying, especially when done that quickly.
- She expected me to be good at everything because I’m good at math, and expected me to be able to explain math to people who struggle with it. It should have been basic knowledge that someone could have a special skill while being below average in other ways, and that someone especially a child could struggle to explain things.
- She expected “talk to people” to be good advice when I struggled to socialize. It should have been basic knowledge that some people can’t socialize naturally and need clearly spelled out rules and steps. It’s understandable to not have perfect solutions, but the advice she gave showed an ignorance of what the struggle even was.
For a while, I wondered how someone could go to school and form a career of teaching children with special needs then miss so much basic information and not even consider that people with special needs exist.
But like your story, it’s because people like that see inclusivity as work. They see disabled people as existing only at work and nowhere else. When they’re not working, they go right back to their fantasy world in which disabled people don’t exist.
Reblogged fadesinthelight
