rip to athenian sacrificial virgins but i’m different

i would be found by the minotaur in the labyrinth and i would remain still and not show fear nor aggression and allow him to approach me and i’d slowly reach out my hand for him to sniff and perhaps even lick and he’d ponder the hand for a moment and the let out a big soft snort and id pet his nose and then his head and he’d lean in closer and id massage behind his ears and he’d close his eyes and we’d sit against the dark cold damp labyrinth wall with his head in my lap as he revels in the first friendly touch he’s known since his mother last dared to touch him so many years ago and after some time he’d reach out and start to tentatively rub my leg in an attempt at reciprocity, his hand clumsy and unpracticed at the act of gentle touch, and id lower my head and press a light kiss on his temple, and there in the prison crafted expertly to contain him, only him, only ever him for the rest of his life, the minotaur would feel warmth enough to remind him that though he may be a beast, he is no less worthy of love than the rest of us

oh yeah. and then we’d fuck nasty

THIS IS WHAT GOOD PUSSY SOUNDS LIKE: [GEIGER COUNTER GOES WILD]

One pool floatie to rule them all

in case anyone besides me wanted to see it in use :)

went to an elementaryschool musical production and they started the show with the director saying: "Now there's some very small viewers here today, so just so you know. There will be a scary character later in the show. This is her," and a girl in a kinda scary ghost outfit did a creepy walk across the stage, the stood up straight and did a cheery wave, "but remember, it's just Nina. She's pretending to be scary."

Aaaand i would very much like for horror movies to have that as a little bonus feature you can chose. Let me start a movie with Guillermo del Toro showing me a scary ghost that might jump at me, but don't worry, thats just Doug!

they just don't make characters like jon archivist sims. he spends an entire season having a forty episode long delusional breakdown and that's only maybe the third or fourth worst period of time in his life. he gets intervened on twice. he gets kidnapped thrice. during one of those kidnappings he spends a month tied to a chair getting forcibly moisturized by a plastic ringmistress mannequin and no one notices. he fully dies for six months but gets up again when a friendly grim reaper gives his unbreathing body a pep talk. he spends several episodes at the start of the final season so depressed that it's unclear if he even moves for multiple days in a row. the basis for his magic powers is that he is so traumatized that he begins to need continuous further trauma in order to live, which gives him the ability to explode people with his mind. he spends about fifty seconds at the top of an episode self-harming directly into a tape recorder, which is not even the most fucked up thing to happen to him that episode. he finally cried on audio for the first time in the penultimate ep and the only reaction I saw for several days after was wildly enthusiastic cheering. he's missing two ribs and he's at least 80% scar tissue by volume and the only canon information we have about his appearance is that he looks terrible at all times.

what do you mean? this is a totally normal amount of blood to lose from a flesh wound.

best thing about these movies being serialized with one single character as a connecting thread is that with each new production Benoit Blanc becomes by necessity an even older gay man and that's beautiful

among my least favourite conversations i regularly experience in media analysis is when you interpret something as potentially alluding to an "uncomfortable" topic and people immediately start trying to defang it. "this reads like a rape scene" "umm actually it's not rape, it's just a very intimate act of violent assault that violates the victim's sense of safety and bodily autonomy with NO 🙅 sexual connotations or elements". you do realise that's neither any better nor functionally different, right?

When I was little I had an irrational fear of when you tried to turn off your Windows XP and the screen would gradually turn Grey as you choose which power option to enter

That shit was SCARY!!!

Me: ok, sleep time!

Windows XP:

hi can i come over and immediately fall asleep

Humans will say "I guess I could have pizza tonight but I had pizza on Thursday and I don't really want pizza twice in the same week" and dogs will say "Oh boy the exact same gub I've been fed for every meal of my entire life homf homhf chomfhh homhomhomhomhomh"

Me remembering halfway through posing hands in a drawing that I HAVE hands and can use them for reference

How many people’s most beloved childhood stuffed animals are actually teddy bears, like I feel like that’s a thing someone made up. Reblog this and put what your longest owned and/or favorite stuffed animal as a child was in the tags, inquiring minds want to know

Wait how the hell does she have two different bangs at once

You cannot comprehend the powers of an italian woman from new jersey

someone just literally interrupted me mid conversation to tell me “what wonderful big dark eyes i’ve got” and on the one hand extremely flattering that she couldn’t even wait until the end of my sentence to comment on this, on the other hand did she have to say it like im the big bad wolf

i’m sincerely always saying this