i had a dream where i accidentally bought a $2000 "gaming scale" which is like a regular scale but it has rgb lighting and says "power to the players" out loud every time you step on it (and lights up those words on the scale)

*speaks only in half sentences and leaves the rest to telepathy*

god I wish I had a pair of menacing black gauntlets with really sharp fingertip claws I bet it feels good as fuck to have your hands resting palm-down on a surface and then scratch some deep fucking gashes into it as you clench your hand a little closer to a fist when your evil minion delivers some bad news to you

i think it's great when someone tries to pull off a tragic self-sacrifice in a story and there's at least one guy who's just like "no this is fucking stupid actually. you're an idiot." about it. because it kind of is. i love a good tragedy but let's be honest with ourselves if a friend tried to indulge a noble sacrifice fantasy would you not be a little annoyed. like come on man.

ALT

We just met.

I spare as many insects as possible so when I’m in a life or death situation our psychic link will activate as they all rush to my aid

If you see this you’re legally obligated to reblog and tag with the book you’re currently reading

Hearing your online friends' music taste and feeling like a total normie in comparison and then hearing your co-workers' music taste and feeling like a throat-singing/death-metal/electropolka fusion enthusiast in comparison.

If trench warfare were made-up, it would be the most on-the-nose anti-war satire ever created. Bunch of young men shooting at each other from inside open graves, slowly rotting even as they fight to stay alive. Every so often, they get to move a few hundred metres to dig a new grave for themselves somewhere else and this is called a victory.

just got the single funniest autocorrect from my mum a few minutes ago.

sleeping on the floor is making a comeback after i was in the woods for 12 hours and fell asleep on my doormat after getting home.