affirmations <333

this is GREAT two sentence horror actually

using my pet black hole to dilate time and get my chicken defrosted in time for dinner

and of course it gets a piece of chicken too for being such a good little hole for me

Sounds hot

theres a whole album of song titles you can make just from the words of this tweet

check out my next stoner metal ep, featuring such classics as:

this makes smoking weed sound so much cooler than it is

[Video transcript:] Person angrily yelling: “–fucking computers bullshit. It’s fucking sick! It’s not cool anymore! It’s not fun! It’s not fun to be on the fucking computer! They changed everything about it! It used to be so coooool!”

literally saying this every day of my life

SANS IS NONBINARY?!

HUH?!

He

He's sans gender.

spiritual successor to my email post

ok this too

You make soup in a big bowl. You serve it in a smaller bowl. And then you convey it, using a spoon, to your mouth. But what is the spoon? Simply a smaller bowl still

My students this year have moved up so many times with me that I have ceased to be their favorite or least favorite or most aggravating teacher and just become their Teacher. This has led to such hilarious moments as:

"Ms. T, I can't stand Ms. H, she's so aggravating!"

"Why is she aggravating?"

"She never stops talking!"

"I never stop talking either and you put up with me."

"Ugh, that's different, Ms. T, you're just ... here." (Softly, to himself. "You're always here. Why are you never on vacation?")

-

A student asks me to write cards while I'm trying to finish breakfast. Being a disaster with ADD, I try to do that and drink my smoothie and wind up with smoothie everywhere.

One of my other students, shouting at the first one: "Why did you do that? You know she can't do more than one thing at a time!" (They're not wrong.)

-

On the way back from lunch, a young man informs me that he can do a cartwheel. Sure, I say, because I have very little forethought. He does not crack his head on the sidewalk, thankfully, but it's definitely not a cartwheel.

"That's not a cartwheel," I inform him. "This is a cartwheel." I do a cartwheel.

The dozen or so other students in my class, sounding more horrified than impressed: "Ms. T! You can't do that!"

Another young man informs us that he can do a front flip. One of the girls in his class looks at me with grave concern, then snaps, "Well, don't," at him, apparently trying to prevent me from also attempting a front flip and cracking my head on the sidewalk. At least someone in the class has some forethought, even if it isn't me.

-

And for a bonus, we had "dress like your favorite teacher" day.

One boy, shaking his head. "Ms. T, I can't dress like you. You don't got that drip."

I clear my throat. "Was that the only thing stopping you?"

Another girl frowns at my outfit, then contemplatively says aloud, "Where does Ms. T even get her clothes? Like, who sells that?"

"Thanks sweetie," I say, and a third student reminds all of us that none of this is on topic for our class.

"What will you do without us, Ms. T?" she adds, but five other children immediately inform the class that I will be following them to their next educational foray and then raising their children, so I guess we'll never know.

Fingering the seeds out of this jalapeño was so erotic i need to go beat off

Pretty good game

"You only like bread because you like butter" oh ok you only like anal because you like lube. Do you hear how stupid you sound

ITS FUCKING REAL???

The Bongcloud Counter-Gambit: Hotbox Variation

Something I learned both from my bisexual fiancé and from being butch and bigender is that in terms of greeting transmascs with a friendly term you really cannot go wrong with "boss". This is true of cis men as well I have noticed but as a masc queer "boss" is peak.

KIDS LOVE IT TOO!!