I think that any civilian that gets in a relationship with a vigilante needs to be a bit of a weirdo and/or a freak.

Bernard coming back home, dead tired from a crazy shift at the restaurant and ready to tell his boyfriend everything that happened only to find Tim with his favorite bubble bath ready and takeout.

“What’s the big occasion?” Bernard asks him. Tim looks at him lovingly and explains that the watch Tim gifted Bernard for Christmas is actually connected to his phone so he can track Bernard or see if he’s in danger at any times. That particular day, Bernard was so angry, his heart spiked to such an high number, Tim had to check the security’s cameras in the restaurant to see if his boyfriend was okay. And because Bernard is from Gotham and is relieved someone always has his back, especially if that someone is Batman’s protege, he finds the whole thing sweat. (He’s also a massive freak who gets off on the idea that Tim can, possibly and at any time, observe him).

Stephanie having a civilian girlfriend (we’ll call her Amy). One day, Amy mentions how much she misses her childhood home.

“The one near Wayne’s manor, right?” Steph asks her and her girlfriend is like “omg, yes! You would have love it.” The day goes on as normal but at night, Amy lays in her bed recalling their conversation and realizes she had never told Steph about her old house. She doesn’t make a big fuss about it because, maybe, Steph heard about it from one of her friends, who knows?

Weeks pass and Steph can see her gf is a bit skittish and a bit nervous so she decides to borrow Titus because Amy’s grandparents had a Great Dane identical to him. Amy is so happy but at the same time how the fuck did Steph know about it??

Things like this keep on happening and Amy starts treating it like a game because she’s lowkey a freak and wants to know until what point she can push Steph. Steph obliviously realizes after a while and keeps up the act because it’s like an inside joke between her and Amy.

Tim and Steph used to the Batfam’s way of caring that they don’t realize they’re being massive creeps at first. Thankfully, the always manage to find the weirder bunch of Gotham.

I’m not a big fan of the batboys looking physically identical to one another. I like when they’re really different individuals, different eye shapes, skin colors, noses, face shapes, everything. If you put all of them together, they look like a really close and strange group friend. However, I really love when they get confused for biological siblings because they do the same things. They all trained under Bruce; Cass, Jason and Tim under Lady Shiva, Damian and Jason with the League of Assassin, and sometimes it’s scary cause it’s like a mirror maze when they interact with each other.

Cass, Tim and Jason attend a Gala and some rich man decides that he could try and charm one of the sibling, get into the Wayne family’s fortune. He sees them all near the Champagne tower, chatting away. One is so tall and broad, he almost completely covers Cass. Her eyes, cold and pitch black, look up at her bigger brother. His eyes are warm green and slightly too big for his face, giving him a doe eyed look.

The younger brother puts a pale white hand on Jason’s olivastre arm. When Cass joins in, putting one of her hand on it, they look like a set of skin colored markers for kids. Their looks are so contrasting in ever little aspect, the man asks himself if it’s a choice Mister Wayne does deliberately. He walks up to them and says “hi”.

As if it was staged, they all turn their head towards him at the same exact moment, smile, and with identical tones respond “good evening, sir”. The man chokes a bit on the champagne he was drinking and three hands shoot out with different handkerchiefs saying:”careful there”. The creepiest thing is that they don’t even seem to realize they’re doing it. The man retreats after five minutes of chatting because the trio gives him the creeps.

One evening, there’s a mega team up with the Justice league, titans, outlaws, young Justice, etc.. At the end of the fight, Batman says a single word and all his sons/daughter start the clean up process. Cass goes to talk to some children separated from their parents, she gives them a lollipop each. Dick coordinates the police an how they can help, Tim is helping people get on the bus to get out of the disaster zone and Jason is off calculating how much damage was done and how much will the repairs’ cost be. Duke is doing the last checkup in case someone is somehow still in any of the buildings and Damian is trying to discern if any of the children/adult present were the owners of pets he had in his arms.

Their teammates get so much whiplash because it’s as if Robin was fragmented into six different people. It’s funny how Cass is doing tricks and juggling like Dick used to do with scared kids or how Tim is using the same gestures to calm people down just like Damian does with his pets. It’s sweet of Jason sits like a shrimp just like Tim when he’s on math duty or how Damian talks to people with the same cadence Jason uses with Crime Alley’s kids. It’s scary how both Duke and Dick speak with the same authority Batman posses.

And when they are finally done and someone confronts them about it, they’re like “you’re talking crazy, we’re completely different from one another. Don’t you have eyes?”.

Just love the idea of them looking so starkly different but their actions speak louder than any physical appearance they may have.

It would have been fun if Jaybin heard from Dick the stories about his adventures with Superman and Batman and he’s like “he’s clearly a child of divorce, he just hasn’t realized it yet”. The same night, Jason thinks it’s unfair his older brother got an additional mentor and parental figure, so he decides to get Catwoman with Batman and start his “kind-of-parent-but-definitely-more-mentor” situation, just like Dick had. Selina isn’t really motherly to Jason, which he appreciates a lot. She’s like the fun auntie that’s your role model. They have their fun adventures together, the three of them. Jason is happy beyond himself because finally there’s someone who experienced the crime they fight against first-hand for a good chunk of their life. He feels understood. After he dies, Tim hears Selina reminiscing about their adventures in front of Jason’s grave and he’s like “maybe I should also get one of Gotham’s rouge with a strangely romantic and profound bond with Bruce/Batman to train me with him”. The day after he’s outside Twoface’s office trying to convince him to take him in for an internship. It takes Bruce a whole month to convince Tim he’s never been in a romantic relationship with Harvey, only for his new Robin to take out a wooden board with all the clues and evidence Bruce and Harvey were, in fact, together together. When Cass comes around, she immediately understands there’s some sort of initiation to really become part of the family and that his finding an old flame of Bruce which ended in tragic condition and train together. She does some researches and flies off to find Ghostmaker and take him home. After Cass explains to him the situation, he agrees to come but only because he likes to fuck with Bruce. Their trio doesn’t even last two days because Cass does not like Minkhoa at ALL. They’re moral code is too different and Bruce almost tears up when his daughter says something similar to what he said to Minkhoa decades ago. Damian comes and he’s already been trained under one of his failed relationship so Bruce thinks, just this once, the cost is clear. He’s wrong, obviously. After some years, Damian begins organizing playdates (in costume) for Talia, Bruce and him. Talia also likes to fuck with Bruce so she always accepts (she also loves him very much and so does Bruce but they just can’t seem to work out for some reasons, Bruce is romantically doomed). One evening, Tim asks Dams why he’s not utilizing his powers to their true potential. With two alive trained assassin/vigilante parents, Damian gets double the possibilities!! He gets to train with a failed situationship with Bruce and one from Talia. Tim and Damian realize Talia doesn’t have any failed relationships, aside from Bruce, so they start planning the project ‘get Wonder Woman and Talia together’ because Diana is one of the few heroes Damian truly respects (and he only wants the best for his fantastic and beautifully skilled mother). While they get up to their nefarious plans, Duke enters the family and isn’t really a fan of the rite of passage, but if he has to it it, he will. He hacks into the Watch Tower when Hal is on duty and brings him to Gotham. Jordan is shitting his pants, whereas Batman look at Duke straight in the eyes and asks “really? Him?”. Duke shrugs, he thinks it’s funny when Bruce gets mildly annoyed for stupid shit like that. During all of this, Jordan is half offended even if he doesn’t know what they are talking about. Still, it would be unfair to reject Duke’s chosen one, so Bruce reluctantly agrees to two weeks of team up.

I don’t enjoy any batcest’s ship or content because I believe it’s deeply out of character and they can have a more meaningful relationship when they’re represented as family. Said so, why are people so distraught about batcest? It’s fiction, you can decide to not interact with it if you don’t like it?? I try to do so but every time I open twitter or tiktok or Tumblr I’m bombarded by anti pro-shipping people critiquing batcest’s content, therefore putting it in my timeline! And it’s always the same shit too, “fiction affects reality” yeah?? Obviously?? That’s why you should have paid attention during literature class in high school??? So you could create critical thinking’s skills and use them??? “Incest is wrong” it absolutely is! Just like murdering people, an activity a really beloved character by the Batfam fandom does all the time. Does everyone suddenly have some weird twisted sense of morality where a character who murders is okay but they have to draw the line at him fucking his brothers?? Like what are we doing people? Just stop interacting with that part of the fandom so I don’t have to hear or see it again.

oh??? my god???

One night during patrol, a wizard gets a lucky hit and turns Bruce into a dog. Robin and Red Robin go after the wizard while Nightwing was left with the biggest Border Collie he’s ever seen, struggling to get out of the batsuit. When he finally gets his whole body out the suit, he looks at Dick and tilts his head. The vigilante catapults himself on dog-Bruce and starts saying cutesy shit while petting his head. Cuteness aggression makes you crazy.

Nightwing: who’s a cute boy? Who’s my snuggly wombly cringly boy? Yes! It’s you!!

Bruce cannot stop his tail from wagging at 200km/h. Listen, Dick and him can now talk civilly for more than five minutes without fighting, but he’s not as physically affectionate as when he was little. So Bruce’ll take whatever he can get, even if it means being called “snuggly wombly cringly boy”.

He yelps when his oldest picks him up and hugs him tightly to his chest. “We can’t have you falling down a roof now, can’t we?” He says in the stupid baby voice. Bruce barks in agreement because what else can he do? In the batcar, Dick asks Barbara if the robins managed to catch the wizard and sighs a breath of relief when she confirms the culprit is under arrest.

Oracle: Red Robin confirms the effects are temporary.

Nightwing: So? A week? A month? I don’t wanna be Batman again.

Bruce, whining dejected, looks at Dick: :(

Oracle: unfortunately, the mage was an amateur. They said an I quote “I don’t know man, really! The spell I used was in a book called “First day on the job?”, it’s for beginners! Nothing legal or permanent. OMG tell me I didn’t just kill Batman! The Justice league will kill me! I love Wonder Woman :(.”

Nightwing: Great! I’ll call Zatanna, thanks Babs.

Oracle: You’re welcome, Boy Wonder. Wait! What kind of dog is he?

Nightwing: Border Collie. I own Timmy so much money.

Oracle snorts while Bruce looks at him, betrayed by his own son.

Nightwing: Oh, don’t look at me like that. You have your million contingency plans, we make bets about those said contingency plans.

Bruce barks at him: >:(

Nightwing: your scolding doesn’t work in human form, what makes you think it will work as a dog?

I know that canonically the Lazarus Pit’s side effects (insanity and super strength) are temporary but imagine trained-mindless body Jason thrown inside by Talia because she needs him to be mentally well and conscious again, and him coming back with a bunch of permanent side effects that make him abnormally different. And no, I don’t mean in “ The pit made him go mad for life! He’s cursed!” way, but in the physical sense.

Mentally he’s back to how he was before he died, which is the whole point of why Talia dipped him in the Pit in the first place. However, his body isn’t his body. He feels like a parasite inhabiting someone else, clumsily commanding every action of his avatar with a faulty controller, having difficulties adjusting to everything being at a different height. After Bruce took him in, his training as Robin and Alfred’s diet regimen made him almost look like a healthy guy his age should have been, but he remained on the lithe side. The doctors told Bruce that malnutrition, past poor living conditions, and smoking stunned Jason’s growth, making it impossible for him to be taller than 175cm. At the time, Jason made his peace with it, not really caring about physical appearances. He was efficient in taking down bad guys and that was the important thing. But now he had to look down at people when he talked! Mind boggling stuff for the itty bitty tiny ex Robin.

Imagine this yellowish-pale (like olivastre people get during winter), buff, 190cm (6 feet and 2.8 inches) 17/18 years old boy who keeps bumping his head against the gym’s entrance door frame cause he forgets how ginormous he is. Him having to unlearn Bruce’s teaching that relied on his shortness and agility because now he is a tank of a man, just like dad. Him knocking someone down with just a punch when before, as Robin, it would have taken ten or more. Jason terrified of his strength, realizing he could hurt someone without meaning to because he was just that monstrously strong for a human being. Little Robin Jason being loved by kids because he was a comforting presence versus New Jason scared of looking their way in case the Lazarus Pit had other surprises in store for him like laser eyes.

Imagine his eyes being a horrendous mix of green and blue but, unlike normal human mixed eyes with the majority being one of the two colors with sprinkles of the other one, he has a clear outline of bright blue near his iris until it stops abruptly to make way for neon green. The first time he went outside at night in civilian clothes, he stopped at a gas station to buy gas and the guy at the counter kept looking at him. Jason, paranoid like his family, thinking someone somehow recognized him and getting anxious until the guy says “cool eye contacts, didn’t know they made glowing ones!” And he chuckled awkwardly “ah ah yes…”. Then he got home and cried himself to sleep because he’s even more of a monster than he thought he was.

Imagine his teeth’s structure changing until his canines can puncture skin too easily, his carnassial teeth can cut through meat and bones, and his molars chew anything efficiently. Him randomly craving raw meat, things that are more challenging to eat and Talia’s so fucking tired of how fucked up he came back. Jason scared he’s becoming a werewolf or a vampire and her reassuring him that the Pit sometimes awakens primal necessities in the body, that he’s not becoming a monster. Jason being so relieved when he doesn’t feel like sinking his teeth inside some assassin’s neck during close range combat training. Also him not smiling anymore because his teeth are too pointy, too shiny and unnatural. Big scary Jason practicing expression in the mirror to stop himself from smiling as his natural resting face is a happy/smiley one.

Imagine him learning how to make himself smaller, less threatening so that when he’s rescuing a child he doesn’t scare them away or make them panic even more. Jason being so so so happy when the kids near his apartment in Crime Alley don’t shy away from him, on the contrary they love him. They climb him like a tree, ask to be picked up, play hide and seek with him. The parents love him and give him Tupperware full of food, thanking him for keeping the children out of trouble.

Just Jason coming back different, not because of Pit’s madness, but his strange almost human body.

Headcanon that Tim favorite genre of podcast is not true crime. He kinda hates them and finds them disrespectful to the victim’s families and to the victim/s themselves. Plus, they’re really boring and slow paced for him. After five minutes circa, he already knows the killer’s modus operandi, their preferred weapons, victims, etc.. He already solved a half those cases in his free time anyways! So, when podcasting became extremely mainstream, he thought they were either true crimes or the alpha male shit TikTok keeps pushing his way, therefore he never bothers listening to them. Until one late night, dead tired from patrol, haven’t slept in 24 hours and behind on WE’s works, he looks at Reddit to see if anybody discovered any Batfam members’ identity. That’s when he finds a subreddit about the wackiest little desert town somewhere in the South with a dog park no dog or human can enter, librarians that try to kill you if you try coming inside the library, a cat named Khoshekh who floats in a bathroom without moving ever and parent of a litter of kittens who also float but at different heights from Khoshekh. Tim is so alarmed “omg it’s like Gotham but worse” which wrong, nothing’s worse than Gotham. He keeps scrolling and the informations get worse and worse and he gets even more worried “how the fuck did the justice league not see this dumpster fire of a city?! Why aren’t they doing anything??”. He scrolls until the first ever message in the subreddit to discover it’s just role play, reeeeeeally well made and organized role play about a fucking fictional city from an absurdist supernatural fiction podcast. He’s so ashamed about the situation he erases the last hour’s footage from the batcave archive and goes straight to sleep. No shower, no change of clothes, no walking up the stairs, just falls asleep in a cot in the med bay area. The morning after he remembers about the podcast and decides to listen to it, just to see what was the hype, and it becomes his favorite thing ever. He subscribes to the Patreon, buys all the merch, goes to the live events in NY with the Bart, Cassie and Kon. (Tim is actually me lol)

My favorite Sam headcanon is him looking identical to his mother when he’s young. Their eyes shining the same way when light hits them from above, the same smile lines whenever they laugh, the same dirty blonde hair tucked behind ears. Sometimes John can’t stand to watch him, but other nights, after a difficult hunt and many drinks, he cradles Sammy in his arms, mumbling words Sam couldn’t make out. As Winchester do, they never talk about it in the morning. The young boy would never tell anyone but he secretly enjoys those moments, wishing his dad could be like this normally, wanting them to last longer. However, as he grows older, he gradually starts looking more like John. He looks in the mirror and doesn’t see his mother anymore. He looks like a distant memory of her. And his dad stops cuddling him after a bad hunt, becomes even more distant. Sam is not upset at all! He is completely fine, so fine that when Dean points it out an all out brawl breaks out. After that he stops looking in the mirror, avoids his reflection whenever they walk by a window. He fights with his father everyday, Dean never defends him like the good little soldier he his. And maybe it’s time to pack up and leave.