As this song dropped in one morning during my prayer practice, I reverberated with an ugly-cry whole-body integration of embodied Belonging. At the time I was in conflict with a family member, exploring a new boundary of no contact. As the layers of the song came, so did complete forgiveness. Forceful download that shook loose all the stories and hurts I was holding over them, as well as all the regrets and shame I was holding over me…. Released. I remembered the ‘prodigal son’ biblical story (Luke 15:11-32) from my childhood and wept ecstatic tears of joy as my whole being exploded with the knowing: I AM the prodigal. I AM the Father. I AM the jealous sibling. I AM the pigs in the sty, I AM the welcome-Home arms as wide as the sky…. Ancient. Beyond binary. Unconditional. Love. I AM Home, Love is Home. I never left.

As I’ve deepened with the song, it now sings to me my journey of unscripting myself from internalized patriarchal notions of good/bad, better/less, enemy/hero. It accompanies me as I shake off the dust of numbness, arrogance, and superiority and learn to come correct back to our sacred Earth Mother. Welcomed into her arms – such as I am, humbled, holy, Home.

꩜ ꩜ ꩜

Inspired in part by this video from the Black Permaculture Network I discovered in 2014 when I began the Circle of Trust halfway house garden in Rantoul, www.pandorathomas.com/gallery

inspired in part by the following poem by Joy Harjo,

and inspired in large part by the unfolding of my own life story ---

my mystical imagination aches for the rituals we need to more skillfully tend the enormous threshold of re-entry for those leaving prison. In my dream this is one of the songs we sing as we welcome our family back home.



𝘍𝘰𝘳 𝘊𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘚𝘱𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘵 𝘉𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘞𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘌𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘩 𝘪𝘯 𝘐𝘵𝘴 𝘏𝘶𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘍𝘦𝘦𝘵
-𝘑𝘰𝘺 𝘏𝘢𝘳𝘫𝘰

𝘗𝘶𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘣𝘢𝘨 𝘰𝘧 𝘱𝘰𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘱𝘴, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘱𝘰𝘱.

𝘛𝘶𝘳𝘯 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘤𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦, 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘶𝘵𝘦𝘳, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘭.

𝘖𝘱𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘰𝘳, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶.

𝘛𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘴. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘩 𝘨𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘯.

𝘎𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘵𝘶𝘥𝘦.

𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘴’ 𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬.

𝘈𝘤𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘭𝘦𝘥𝘨𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴’ 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘳𝘦.

𝘓𝘦𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘤𝘤𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘯 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘱𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘶𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦, 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘴𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦.

𝘓𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘣𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘻𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘫𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴.

𝘉𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘴, 𝘣𝘪𝘳𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘭 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶.
𝘈𝘴𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘮 𝘸𝘦 𝘩𝘶𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘶𝘱𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮.

𝘋𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺.
𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘺 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘨𝘩-𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘴, 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘴, 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘤𝘬𝘱𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘴, 𝘢𝘳𝘮𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘪𝘦𝘳𝘴, 𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘴, 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘷𝘦𝘴.

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘫𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘺 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢 𝘧𝘦𝘸 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴, 𝘢 𝘥𝘢𝘺, 𝘢 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳, 𝘢 𝘧𝘦𝘸 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴, 𝘢 𝘩𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘥, 𝘢 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘳 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦.

𝘞𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥. 𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘳𝘶𝘯 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘦 𝘩𝘶𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘵 𝘣𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦.

𝘋𝘰 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘴.

𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘪𝘳𝘤𝘭𝘦, 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘦 𝘬𝘦𝘱𝘵 𝘣𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘭, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘥.

𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘤𝘦𝘥𝘢𝘳, 𝘴𝘢𝘨𝘦, 𝘰𝘳 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘵.

𝘊𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘮𝘦.

𝘓𝘦𝘵 𝘨𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥, 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴, 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵, 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘵. 𝘓𝘦𝘵 𝘨𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯.

𝘈𝘴𝘬 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴.

𝘊𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘶𝘱𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘴: 𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘭, 𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵, 𝘣𝘪𝘳𝘥, 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭, 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘵, 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘯𝘦, 𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳.

𝘊𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬. 𝘐𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘺 𝘣𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘮𝘦, 𝘫𝘶𝘥𝘨𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘶𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘣𝘶𝘴𝘦.

𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯.

𝘚𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘬 𝘵𝘰 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘢 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥.

𝘞𝘦𝘭𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘐𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘺 𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘱𝘪𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘴, 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴. 𝘎𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨.

𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘭𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘢𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘯 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴.

𝘕𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘺. 𝘐𝘯𝘷𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘒𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘯𝘰 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘰.

𝘔𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳, 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘵.

𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘯, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘥𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴: 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘬.