they're doing this to me tomorrow

if nobody got me I know listening to music and creating fake scenarios got me

*encountering 2 butterflies that appear to be either fucking or murdering each other on the sidewalk* buddy im not sure exactly what you're up to but this is a public walkway u can't do that here

Flying Fuck given.

*right clicks on you*

*views your properties*

why is this framed all cutesy??

ohhhhhhhhh

I love you Thai trans women dodging the draft

Brotherhood of The Orb

This tweet is almost 3 years old has been relevant since the day it was posted

I am in the fog for the rest of my life

Thank you

No, you should genuinely get assassinated though

Really, I appreciate it

MUTUAL I HAVE DECIDED IS COOL LIKED MY POST

worst part of anxiety/ocd is that sometimes your fears actually do happen and you have to wag your finger at i like this still doesn't prove you're right asshole. it's like having a venom symbiote except you don't even get to have gay alien sex

playing trivia games as a nonamerican introduces a real element of chaos because sometimes the super easy beginner questions are like what was the top selling brand of toilet paper in texarkana in 1972 and sometimes the hardest questions will be like oh no a super tricky one for you: what country are dutch people from?

*sees a bench or public seating of any kind* oh-ho-ho don't mind if i doooooo have myself a little sit

*sees anti-homeless bars on bench* don't mind if i dooooooooo have a little sit whilst making discrete use of my handy dandy pocket wrench....

adding a blank emoji to my discord server might be the best thing to ever happen to text communication. asynchronous digital equivalent of hanging out in a room with your friends in silence. let's all nothing together

I can clearly remember the moment I first realised my mother and I were living on completely different planes of existence. I was 7 years old and I came home from my school's first track and field day having placed second or third in every event. the teachers had been making jokes all afternoon about how many times they had to call my name. my friends thought I was cool as shit. my enemies thought I was cool as shit too, come to think of it. I was proud as hell. so I get home with the entire front of my shirt covered in ribbons like I was a military dictator who'd awarded himself every medal, I walk into the kitchen and tell my mum all about my day, and she goes "oh, that must be disappointing not getting any firsts." and I'm like no?? first of all the first place ribbons are red and I don't like red. second of all look at me. there's literally nowhere left on my body for accolades. I am fucking Jacked of All Trades. how could this possibly be a disappointment.

mastering ancient breathing techniques in the mountains of china to control my heart rate finely enough to jam out a sick tune on the hospital’s heart monitor