A few years ago while trying to find ways to commit suicide as painlessly as possible, I came across a PDF of Dr. Paul Quinnett’s The Forever Decision. Thinking it might go into actual methods of suicide (I read an article once that actually did that and was trying to find it again) I started to read it, and I think I only got about two pages in before I was crying too much to actually see the words.
I downloaded the PDF to my hard drive and I open it again whenever I’m feeling too suicidal to do much else, but not enough to start booking a ride to the hospital. And every time without fail I only go up to a few pages before backing off and choosing to live another day just because suicide suddenly seems even more unbearable than whatever the hell upset me in the first place.
All the book really does is [I’m pulling a summary from GoodReads here as, again, I’ve read no more than 5 pages] “discusses the social aspects of suicide, the right to die, anger, loneliness, depression, stress, hopelessness, drug and alcohol abuse, the consequences of a suicide attempt, and how to get help.”
But it also starts with the author kindly asking the reader to complete the book before going through with anything, and for some reason I’m compelled to really just try to read it all before finalizing everything. Despite not yet completing it (hopefully never will) I think I can safely say it’s saved my life at least a few times now.
It’s intentionally legal to copy and redistribute this book to keep it as accessible as possible, and it’s very easy to find, but here’s a link for it anyways.
