Being trans in a red state obviously sucks. I wake up every morning worried if today is the day that my existence is made illegal. But even without the obvious problems the United States and my state specifically has, the people here just don’t get it. Now, I am lucky enough to have a strong support system around me, but that kinda goes out the window when i’m at work. I’m not out at work, but there are parts of me I can’t hide and my coworkers notice. I can’t do “guy talk”, my interests are weird to them, I dyed part of my hair pink, etc. Not to say that men can’t do these things, but in a cisheteronormative culture these things paint me as an other. The flip side of that is that I don’t think my coworkers think me being trans is a possibility because they’ve probably never encountered a trans person in real life. But it scares me that they may find out. I know what people believe and who they voted for. I don’t want to lose my job.

I’m not sure how much longer I can be my deadname at work. It’s exhausting and mentally taxing. Every deadname, every instance of misgendering, every genuine compliment that’s soured by their word choice, it’s needles in my ears pushing all the way through to my brain.

I dream of my life ten years from now when i’ve made it out of this godforsaken place and can always be myself. But that’s all fantasy, and if I so wanted to I could always be myself. There are technically legal protections at my work, my boss has repeatedly let me know how much he needs me here, and if I were to be fired the aforementioned support system would help me out in any way possible. But it’s so hard not to be scared.

I love Baldur’s Gate 3’s writing. I love how everyone speaks in such flowery language. They treat every conversation like a monologue, allowing for the most mundane comments to be dramatic and captivating. And the voice actors do such amazing jobs delivering these lines. Of course the companion and primary antagonists are great, and seeing them run the gamut of emotion is a truly amazing feat. But even more so all the small characters’ actors do amazing stuff to. Walking up to random npcs and hearing the concern in their voices does so much to make the stakes feel so tangible. There are a million other things that make bg3 maybe the most impressive video game, if not piece of media, to ever exist. Even after nearly 500 hours I discover things to love.

Watched Superman and I loved it. James Gunn was able to capture what I find appealing about superhero media into a concise and crowd pleasing package. I highly recommend this if you enjoy superhero media. Spoiler warning for everything after.

So I’m at level 40 in my current run of New Vegas and I’ve done Honest Hearts, OWB, and am in the middle of Dead Money. As far as main game stuff goes, I’m in the middle of the Wild Card main quest while doing a handful of side content, and I want to talk about it. No particular order, just whatever comes to mind.

First off, it is hard for me to think of any other factions in rpgs that feel as rich, varied, unique, and well suited as those present in New Vegas. Even with the technical limitations, Obsidian was able to do a great job making all the factions feel large and important. I think having so many characters in each faction with well defined relations to each other help with that. Like the Kings having Pacer going behind The King’s back and being more militant towards the NCR, it suggests this struggle within the group of what to do about NCR colonization. The NCR is probably the best example because there is so much NCR content, so you see people like Fantastic who couldn’t care less about political ideology and is just collecting a paycheck, or people like Dr. Hildern looking to advance his political career, or Captain Gilles who seems to be a true believer in the cause despite the lack of support in Bitter Springs. It makes all the factions incredibly complex, leading to a much more fulfilling role playing experience.

I love that The Khans can be convinced to strike it out on their own, resign themselves to the pages of history, or assimilate into The Legion. The game puts a heavy narrative weight on this choice, making it feel like you are taking on a role akin to great real life historical figures. That weight and seriousness in which the game presents these dilemmas really sells the deeper themes that the game gets into about the nature of humanity, incentives in community building, the human cost of doing business, and what it takes to ensure survival for your loved ones. I deeply appreciate that despite how silly the Fallout setting can be, Obsidian did not shy away from these topics that some may see as being too deep for video games. Because the nature of the medium often requires long stretches of undivided attention, especially for rpgs, video games have a chance to capture people like few other mediums can, and to me New Vegas stands as a shining example of how to capture somebody and get them to think.

I also love that the game isn’t afraid to tell you no. The character I built is average intelligence, and this blocked a lot of opportunities for me in Old World Blues. I ended up being forced to Massacre the The Think Tank because my skills did not allow me to convince them of another way, and that is beautiful. Not everyone can be perfect at everything. At the same time, I’ve been able to get a lot down easily in recruiting allies because I’ve pumped up speech so much. Having the checks show up in dialogue as failures is so fun because it shows your characters flaws.

The last thing I want to talk about is all the small unmarked things there are. It is so nice to go exploring, enter a building, pick a hard lock, and be rewarded with a unique weapon. Or to be paying attention in dialogue and checking out a spot, to go to it and have a whole small quest where you help someone out, and that person gives you schematics. The rewards themselves oftentimes aren’t even something I’ll use just because I already have good end game gear, but that thought and care goes even further to (say it with me) make a gratifying rpg experience.

I’m rereading One Piece and I made it to Fishman Island, I forgot how bad Sanji’s characterization is for the first stretch of post-timeskip. I’m on chapter 605 at the moment and the only cool moment for him so far is taking down a pacifista with Zoro. The nosebleeds are annoying and do a lot to flatten him out. But that’s not as bad as everything surrounding the Kamabakka kingdom. I’ve heard interpretations of the queens there as being a radical representation of gender, breaking free of societal conventions and living in their own way. That sounds nice, but I don’t buy it personally. Their depiction feels too mean spirited and draws on too many negative stereotypes for it to feel like anything other than a cruel joke. And that’s a shame because I absolutely adore Iva as a character, as well as other canonically queer characters like Kiku, Bon Clay, and Yamato. Overall, Sanji’s timeskip adventure feels like a giant missed opportunity to me. Now is the time that I start pushing my transfem Sanji agenda. Here’s what I am seeing that fuels my belief that Sanji’s character would have benefitted from returning to Sabaody a woman.

First off, he seems happier when presenting more femininely. The two main pieces of evidence for that is when he first arrived on Kamabakka and was put in a dress and makeup and the body switch in Punk Hazard. In both cases he was visibly exuberant at his body being more traditionally feminine. If that’s not gender euphoria then I don’t know what is. I mean when he’s switched back to his own body he laments that the dream is over.

My second point ties into repression. Sanji’s character as a whole is kind of predicated on feeling like he’s not enough as is seen in Whole Cake Island. He believes himself to be a burden to his crew so he leaves and doesn’t join until it feels like there’s no other choice. We see how his childhood as a Vinsmoke fueled that inferiority complex, always being the runt and eventually being erased. I see this as being a potential factor of why he can’t see himself as a woman. He puts women as a whole up on a pedestal, refusing to hurt them and being incredibly charitable to any and all who interact with him. It feels like he cannot see himself as being worthy of that kind of love, respect, and adoration, so it’s not possible for him to be a woman.

Next, as much as I dislike the whole perv gag, I can see it as another hint. Speaking from personal experience, I felt guilty about taking pleasure in being a woman. I thought that maybe I was some irredeemable weirdo fetishizing womanhood, not a real woman just a sicko. I can see that mindset being plausible for Sanji’s character as well.

With the “reasons Sanji reads as an egg to me” out of the way, let’s look at what what this hypothetical transfem Sanji would look like and what her story would be. (Im going to start using she/her pronouns to refer to Sanji for clarity’s sake now).

I imagine that during the process of fighting the 99 new kama masters, she not only learns new fighting and cooking techniques, but also starts to understand the people of Kamabakka more and in the process discover her own identity. Like Iva said, only those with the heart of a maiden can learn their ways. After learning all she could, Sanji would ask Iva to use their powers on her. I imagine this alternate post time skip design to be similar to the canon one (women in suits 🙇‍♀️) just with longer hair and a more feminine figure. I could also see her in skirts and dresses in other arcs, but I adore Fishmen Island and Raid Sanji’s fits and can easily picture a more fem version of them.

Moving on to the actual story and Fishmen Island. To start, I think that instead of her losing blood from seeing the mermaids she should lose blood by protecting her crew from a group of roided up New Fishmen Pirates. Have her do a 1v4 in the ocean that she barely wins, establishing the threat of the New Fishmen pirates especially in the water while also showing off how much she has learned during the timeskip. This allows for the search for blood and the knowledge that human and fishmen blood is not allowed to be mixed. She can still be saved by a couple of the queens, but she would probably be more nice to them. From there Fishmen Island is pretty similar, she’s still there to hear about Fisher Tiger and Jimbei, still tells Jimbei to kill himself, etc, etc.

Punk Hazard I’m less sure of what would happen with body swapping shenanigans. If she swapped into Nami’s body all those gags wouldn’t really be necessary since she inhabits a woman’s body already. And after the body switch happens, I can still see her leading the Navy men and saving Tashigi. I wish I had more ideas, but if you have any I’d love to hear them.

Dressrosa is much the same. I don’t see why she couldn’t have got Viola on the Strawhat’s side, fight Doffy briefly, and then escape when the Big Mom Pirates show up. Again, if you have any story opportunities here I’d love hear them.

Now for the big one and the entire reason for this post, Whole Cake Island. Sanji being confronted with her past would be even more heartbreaking if she were trans. Not only is she leaving behind her crew, but she has to go to the source of her trauma and self doubt, feeling like even after going through as much as she did she’s ultimately still a pawn for her father. A fem Sanji adds extra drama to the Vinsmoke family, with her now looking almost exactly like her mother. She and Reiju grow closer, Reiju seeing just how far Sanji has come and hoping to see her free. Judge despises her more, being reminded of his dead wife and a perceived weakness that he despises. Maybe she’s able to bring just a little bit more humanity out of her brother’s by choosing to not only look like Sora, but by following in her steps and choosing kindness. Pudding’s betrayal and redemption can be a mirror to Sanji’s journey, feeling ashamed about an unchangeable part of her core identity because of how she was raised only to realize that she was worthy of being loved the whole time. The things she thought she should be ashamed of is actually the thing that makes her beautiful. WCI is all about family, both biological and found. Having the queer undertones of a transfem Sanji amplifies the message of no matter who you are, you are deserving of a family that duly loves and cares for you, and it doesn’t matter whether they are actually related to you or not. The actual content of WCI doesn’t even need to change all that much, just having a trans character revisit her abusive family does enough to elevate the material as written.

When it comes to Wano, Egghead, and Elbaph I imagine the raid suit and mutation would be the center of Sanji’s development much like in the canon story. This time it takes on a deeper meaning with Judge’s influence not only turning her into a weapon of Germa, but also being a vision of what could have happened to Sanji had she not discovered herself during the timeskip. What if the suit and mutation changes her body back? The threat of becoming Stealth Black is made all the more apparent. There are small things that would be different too. Like instead of just happening to be at the bathhouse for creepy reasons, she could have just used her observation haki to save the women there, small tweaks like that. And of course she would be part of the Yamato and Kiku going to the correct bathhouses.

To close this out I want to talk about her relationships with the rest of the crew. I don’t really ship any of the crew together so don’t expect any of that stuff here, but more power to you if you do. For the majority of them things would stay the same. I cannot imagine Luffy, Ussop, Robin, or Franky caring at all, or treating her any different. And Jimbei only met Sanji in Fishmen Island, so their dynamic stays almost completely intact. Zoro would be confused until he sees the curly brow, then the rivalry would start again as normal. Nami would still be waited on dutifully by fem Sanji, but I see Nami helping Sanji out with shopping and doing girly things like clothes and makeup. Chopper would be confused, but after hearing about Iva’s powers would start working on new regiments to fit Sanji’s new body. And Brook would just ask to see her panties before being kicked.

Ultimately I still love Sanji, even with the rise in prevalence of the perv gag and not as many suave secret agent moments like Mr. Prince or the train scene. Most of this is just projecting my own shit onto the character, but I can’t help but see the missed opportunities. Transfem Sanji you are real to me.

I’ve started yet another run of New Vegas and the first few hours (up until Novac) really shine as some of the best world building out there. On top of that, the game design primes you for what to expect from the rest of the game without being too hand-holdy.

To start, the opening cinematic is so iconic and effective that I struggle to think of anything like it in video games. It perfectly shows off the chaos of so many factions vying for control in the Mojave before swiftly giving the start of the player’s story, which I absolutely adore. The beauty of the Courier backstory is that before that job it truly feels like you could’ve been anyone. Wandering prospector, NCR solider, Legion true believer, the freedom of backstory allows for a much deeper and more rewarding role play experience.

Starting with actual gameplay, the named people of Goodsprings all have something valuable to share. You get varied perspectives and philosophies on how to survive the Wasteland, commentary on the brewing Hoover Dam conflict, information on the surrounding area, and an opinion on how to deal with the Powder Gangers. It makes the town feel grounded and the characters deep. I adore how different skills allow you to convince people to help with the Powder Gangers, showing that while speech is a skill that helps you, it’s not the end all be all of interesting dialogue choices.

Following Goodsprings, the occupation of Primm provides much of the same experience as before with additional setting information coming from the NCR’s incompetencies and bureaucratic woes. The great part of New Vegas’ world building is how it loves to show. No NCR soldier says “the NCR is so big that any decisive action has to wait for miles of red tape to be cut, and we’re so far away from the stronghold of power that even though we should be stronger we just can’t get enough of anything out here”. Instead they complain about their job, they talk about missing California, they lament how boring their days are even though there are things that could be done. You feel this especially at the outpost.

But before moving on let’s focus back on Primm and the Sheriff decision. This is one of my favorite choices in the game. It shows how thoughtful the game is with the three decisions and is an early indication of the shades of grey the story likes to dwell in. Does Primm lose its independence for the security of a large state? If they stay free, do they trust a man with a history of abuse of power, or do they leave their fate to a robot who can follow a program but not much else. The beauty of these choices lies in the role play that you can do to come to each decision. For this run I decided to go with Primm Slim because my character was so annoyed by Beagle that she tunneled vision on how funny it would be to put him beneath a robot. But maybe you’re playing a hardcore legion run and wish to stretch the NCR thinner, or you could align with Meyers sense of frontier justice, or you’re a scientist who believes in the cold calculating logic of a robot.

The final thing I’d like to touch on is Nipton. Oh my god, what an introduction to Vulpes and the Legion. The brutality on display and the way Vulpes speaks of it tells you everything you need to know about their ideology and their goals. The insidiousness of leaving a single survivor to tell of the horrors, the severe punishment for partaking in vice, the hypocrisy present in the joy of their slaughter compared to sins of the town their punishing, it’s all perfect. And I love how you can choose to take them on, but it feels like you’re hopelessly outnumbered. And even if you do take out what is there, on the other side of the Colorado is an army preparing for war, so what good does it even do. But it doesn’t end there, because when you tell the NCR of what has happened, they just talk about how hopeless the situation is. You experience firsthand the central conflict in a microcosm: despite the very serious threat the Legion poses to everyone in the Mojave, the NCR just isn’t in a position to take them on, so what needs to be done about it? Does the Mojave trust that the NCR can win the war, do they comply with the Legion and hope for the best, do they rally around the immortal computer that has at least New Vegas safe, or do they forge their own path and navigate the treacherous road towards self sufficiency and independence?

By the time you arrive at Novac your character has had time to think about their past, the Mojave’s present, and what can be done in the future. The world is a scary place with real threats, but it’s also filled with kind souls, and wacky occurrences.

To summarize, Fallout New Vegas has so much on its surface that it wants to share, all of which is amazing. But it used its mechanics to let you embody a role, and grapple with what lies underneath. I’ve gotten a lot out of this game since my first play through as a 13 year old boy, and I still get a lot out of it a decade later as a woman.

I just rewatched The Phantom Menace for the first time in like a decade and six year old me was onto something, that movie does rock. However, one thing bothers me: Anakin’s age. I’m sure this isn’t a new take by any means but I think Episode I and the prequel trilogy as a whole would have benefitted had Ani been ~15 years old. This thought boils down to one thing mainly, character agency. Throughout TPM it feels like things happen to Anakin, not him doing things. If he was aged up then you could characterize him like a rebellious well meaning teenager as opposed to the sweet little kid who finds himself in situations.

I realize his youth combined with his skills are a big factor for why Ani is so remarkable. However, I do not think you lose much of that wow factor by aging him up. Building a podracer and protocol droid along with being a skilled pilot while having to suffer through slavery as a 15 year old is still incredibly impressive, and a bit more believable to boot (yes I know, looking for believability in my space wizard movie but still). Additionally, as a teenager it would be easier to draw parallels between Anakin and Luke, something Star Wars loves to do. Have Anakin interact with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan more. Let Qui-Gon make good on his promise to the council and give Ani some light Jedi training, not just explaining midichlorians to him. Let there be a real relationship between the two like there was between Luke and Obi-Wan. Have Obi-Wan be more hesitant about Anakin, not trusting that he’s able to become a Jedi because he’s so old. A little bit of the Han Luke dynamic, just a bit more centered on what it means to be a Jedi. Speaking of, have Ani take an active interest in becoming a Jedi, let him voice his opposition to the council’s objections due to his age and show the cracks in that relationship early on. An older Anakin also makes for a better budding romance with Padmé. They can flirt with each other and learn about how different the galaxy is, let them be a view into each other’s worlds. Finally, it makes Anakin’s whole third act so much better and more meaningful. Instead of Scooby Doo antics leading to an almost accidental stoppage of the blockade, have him be a rebel and “stay in the cockpit” while using his piloting, sharpshooting, and force abilities to do something no one else can (kind of like another young tattooine boy we know and love).

By giving Anakin this agency in the first movie it makes Qui-Gon’s death more meaningful, strengthening the bond between him and Obi-Wan thereby making the central relationship of the trilogy have even deeper meaning. Seeing him attain that heroic high point also makes his fall to the Sith all the more tragic. By doing this you also have what I feel is a better progression across the trilogy. Start him out as a bright eyed 15 year old forced to grow up as a slave and then as a Jedi who quickly learns of both the danger of the job and of the folly of the Jedi. Next we see him as a prodigious 18 year old Padawan soon to be knight, quickly mastering force skills and seemingly being on track to fulfill the prophecy but also showing some of his dark side tendencies. And finally we see him as a desperate 21 year old Master, wanting to do right by his wife, kids, galaxy, and order but ultimately falling victim to Palpatine’s manipulations.