sketch i might make into a painting

love how much of Aragorn’s initial interactions with the hobbits is just telling them not to say things

aragorn: could you stop casually invoking the dread name of the ancient and terrible evil that even now follows at our very heels for FIVE MINUTES

aragorn: hey I gotta take a breather can you take over the hobbit duties for a bit

gandalf: no worries got you covered

Aragorn’s given up

elrond: hey you can’t say that here

gandalf: you can’t tell me what to say, do I look like a hobbit to you

The film repositions this for comedy, but in Return of the King, there’s this scene:

Gandalf, outside the door: oh hang on, just a sec. for reasons I won’t explain; this is about to get super geopolitical. Try not to spill too many beans in front of Denethor.

Pippin: Do I have that many of them?

Denethor: right, you ignorant child! Under my skilled interrogation I shall force you to spill the beans.

Pippin: I know three things about beans and will share them (under skilled interrogation, discourses for a full hour on beans, the preparation thereof, the cultivation thereof, and the Shire’s various thoughts on beans in general)

Gandalf: (pretends to be annoyed) denethor if you wanted SENSIBLE discourse on geopolitical beans I am RIGHT HERE

Denethor, fascinated: no! I already know everything you’re about to say and I’m NOT accepting criticism at this time. And I genuinely have no idea what this guy’s going to say next - do you have ANY idea how fun that is for me

Pippin: now the classic market share of baked beans inna tin belongs to Heinz, but I myself am a Branston man, because - referencing my previous statements - if you want beans, you do NOT need to faff about with a tin opener. The decision to retain the pop-top -

Gandalf: this is unbelievable. denethor, can we -

Denethor: BZT! ✋ let him cook

(Later)

Pippin: are you mad at me for talking about beans for an hour

Gandalf: it was, in a weird way, the best move on the chessboard, and so politically savvy that it furthered three of my agendas, and was also really funny to listen to. Denethor has the long sight; he is accustomed to reading the minds and hearts of men at a long distance, these long years. Actually, maybe this has jaded him as much as anything else. To meet a mind whose umwelt, whose very nature, he has not already fully plumbed is not just an act of political obfuscation on our part; for Denethor himself, could such fresh provocation burst his stagnant social bubble, and save him from being so terminally fucking online? Might we have uncovered the potential of a Theoden thematic parallel? Much to ponder. The only unfortunate bit was that you kept freezing up and looking guilty when Denethor asked you about containers

Pippin: you said not to spill any beans and I was worried he’d trip me up

Gandalf: it is, as ever, like talking to a fucking genie with you people

Just got a call about replacing my electricity meter and it seemed scammy so I looked up the number and the results were all "this seems scammy, I bet it's a scam" mixed with people saying "nono guys I called the electricity company and this really is the scheduling service they use and they really did need to replace the box and straightup forgot to email me about it. It's not a scam, electricity companies are just so disorganised these days that it looks like a scam when they're legitimately trying to contact you. The reason the power company didn't send an email isn't because this service is a scam, it's because the power company itself is an absolute mess and this outsourced service is the only part that's actually on the ball."

Bro that still sounds scammy let's be for real

Yes but I'm being scammed by the people I buy my electricity from, not by a third party. That makes it better somehow.

I mean yes but I actually meant like. 97 reviews saying "Nah bro this is a scam" and 3 reviews saying "No actually it's TOTALLY legit TRUST me I'm NOT A SOCK PUPPET ACCOUNT for real it's legit"

It's more like 8 people saying "I got called and the phone lady sounded foreign so I hung up without saying anything because it must be a scam since I hadn't been emailed in advance, I didn't actually check but foreign people have scammy vibes" and 20 people saying "no, this is legitimately the outsourced company's number, here's the electric company's number to confirm if you're worried. I called the electric company to confirm when they called me, and they were legit and properly scheduled the upgrade. The electric company just sucks at emailing."

Foxy Brown (1974), dir. Jack Hill

whenever I go to the restroom and can’t piss immediately I get so mad because all I can think about is that weird sexist John Updike passage where he’s like “the pee got lost inside her mysterious Woman Body”

Me drunk as fuck & easily physically distracted knowing logically I have to piss sitting on a bar toilet mad as hell like IF I DON’T PISS RIGHT NOW JOHN UPDIKE WILL HAVE BEEN RIGHT

Cromch

strongly agree with this sentiment, the sound is lovely here

God that sounds so goddamned refreshing I wish I was eating a cactus

my mom, discussing furries with me: but I don’t get all the cats and dogs, why wouldn’t you want to be a sexy animal? like a kangaroo

me: mama what the hell does that mean

my mom: so muscular

Pro tip: write your novel in a coffee shop, because sometimes you might get a free drink, and it will look like this:

Someone sent me a message accusing me of lying about this, and I have to say: thank you, anon, for thinking that I would be capable of writing 'the writer' on a hot chocolate in caramel syrup myself. You bless me with gifts and talents I do not possess, but thank you for your esteemed opinion of me, undeserved though it is.

A few months back, I read about a study that found that people who were told to regularly think about things they’re grateful for reported significantly improved physical and mental well-being at the end of the study. So I started going for a walk every day before work and making myself come up with 5 things that I’m grateful for. And I know it sounds like the most cornball shit ever, but it has fundamentally changed my brain chemistry.

I was aware that I was becoming a little bit too much of a sarcastic little hater before I started this experiment. Now I am almost startled to catch myself saying shit like, “Wow, look at the flowers on that tree, I am so grateful I decided to walk this way,” unironically, completely unprompted, and outside of the specific time in the day when I do the gratitude practice. I’ve rewired my brain to look for things to be grateful for, and so I look around me more and find more of them, which makes me feel happier, which makes me find even more good things.

For the record, I’m not saying, “Only think positive thoughts! No bad vibes!” Toxic positivity is probably about as unhealthy as only thinking negative thoughts. Sometimes shit does just suck. I’m not telling you to be grateful for the bad things around you. Being a sarcastic little hater definitely has its place. But setting aside like 2 minutes per day to come up with 5 things you’re grateful for will genuinely improve your outlook. It doesn’t have to be big stuff—sometimes the best I can manage is simple shit like, “I’m grateful that zippers were invented,” but even that forces me to be in the present moment and deepens my appreciation of the world around me. Try it, even if you have to do it badly or sarcastically at first. Even if you only do it so that you can come back and tell me I’m wrong in 3 months. Set a daily alarm on your phone and give it a try.

nothing online is ever truly deleted. except that one fucking thing you're looking for

I think he's litterally just a normal committee member. A masculine one even

So many true statements in this interview

Rewatched x-men (2000) and can I just say magneto's plan (turning all those politicians into mutants) was objectively hilarious. Like can you imagine. Somebody's firing the transgenderization beam into congress

Going to the local Klan meeting with the Bomb That Makes You Black

I feel like it's a really common trope to have a non-biological entity disgusted by squishy bio things like secretions and flesh and stuff but. Wouldn't they utterly lack revulsion to those things? The reason we are repulsed by things like blood and shit and corpses is because they are intimately connected to our bodies, are uncomfortable reminders of our animal mortality, can be vectors of harm, or are a signal of danger. A being made of energy, metal, or plastic does not have the same sympathetic connections to these things that we do, except as a kind of intellectual sympathy for what people they care about fear. Disgust is repulsive, and you can only repel something if it's close to you. I think the things that viscerally repel a non-biological mind are not going to be biological.

Hmm... Maybe not as extreme as a corpse, but if you handed someone composed of mostly metal an extremely corroded piece of copper, I could see them reacting like you just handed them a very moldy orange.

To reach "handed a decomposing roadkill squirrel" level, maybe give them something with identifiable parts similar to what is in their body, like corroded circuit boards, batteries, wire connectors. That's a more direct reminder of mortality.