Authors note: you could tell I rushed this but this is a thought I had. This is in my opinion, realistically what would’ve happened had Reiner loved someone before he betrayed the scouts.
Info and triggers: y/n is an Ackerman, mentions of torture and death. Not that graphic imo but I’ll leave a warning anyway
From the first few weeks, a monkey-like grin from across the street settled the dread in his stomach. The kind of smile you’d see in a party… not on a cold night travelling through the streets of their district. Reiner swallowed thickly and calmed the fluttering in his chest, like soothing a crazed bird against his ribcage, it didn’t work. Y/n climbs onto the wagon.
“Saved this old man,” She chuckles and the blond scoots over to make space for her, which she gladly accepts simply for the purpose of his body heat. “Wasn’t a titan or anything, he was stuck in a tree like a kitten,” That makes me Ymir and Reiner snort at the same time, the two glaring at each other quickly.
“You just snorted.” Ymir cuts him off quickly, beating him to it. “So did you.” He grunts back, his arm stretching behind Y/n as the wagon rocks, pushing her to lean on him slightly. She tries not to sigh but it escapes her, comforted and ready to rest for the day. Thank god they’ve been doing mundane things, going out there to fight titans would’ve killed her.
The freckled brunette glances between the two plainly and looks towards Annie, “Straight women are so confusing.”
“Tell me about it.”
Y/n gasps at the realisation it’s about her, head leaning forward with a sarcastic snare. “Well, I’m sorry your lesbianship, but you’re always rubbing up against Historia!”
Shamelessly enough, Ymir shakes her head and holds the lamp closer to combat the dim streets. “Historia smells good and isn’t half as ugly as that ogre, it’s not comparable.” The wind has the manners to whistle during her small insult to the blond, yet even then, Reiner cocks a brow, in disbelief of the fact anyone could find him ugly. “I’m a handsome devil, my mom’s always said so.”
“Your mom must’ve said a lot of things to get here,” Y/n teases, eyes half open to keep sleep away. It’s been exhausting and she knows Reiner did more work than her. For an Ackerman, she’s very underestimated due to her anxiety issues.
“Hey! I thought you were on my side!” He nudges her softly. At first he was intimidated by the Ackerman until he realised her heart was as fragile as a normal human being. Even captain Levi seems to look upon her with fascination, efficient fighter, yet panics like a prey animal.
“Well you are a curious creature I’ll have to give her that.” Y/n shrugs sheepishly, causing a small laugh out of Annie. Everyone cocks their heads towards her in shock, smugly teasing her about the small chuckle until she yells at them to shut up.
Reiner consistently dreams of that day. Even the mission the day after, she’d been so efficient he forgot her panicked state the night before. For a moment he considered she faked her anxiety but that’s just who she was, a quivering nervous wreck with unwavering bravery. His nightmares shake him awake, the shriek of his name as Y/n refuses to charge at him, charge forward even after finding out about his identity, stuck between two horrific realities. Her lover and traitor. It refused to stick even as she witnessed what he was capable of.
Another nightmare took him back to being tied up after capture, blindfolded with Hange and Jean questioning him. Her gaze settles in like a hawk, flying down to them and leaping in. “Hange wait!” She pleads, Jean quickly holds her back. “Y/n, back away before he”-
“Maybe he has a reason!” She yells in denial, the blond had helped her countless times, when she was behind on lessons, odm usage, offering her his horse when she realised how prettier his was, even when it was in his best interest, he never abandoned her. No one had ever cared that much for her. “Reiners being forced trust me! He doesn’t even know what’s he’s doing!”
“Y/n are you out of your mind?!” He yells with fury shaking his throat, wobbling his words. The girl could only stare in horror, unsure what to believe in besides the love who remains quiet in shame, “He’d murder you in a heartbeat,” Hange cuts through the conversation, coldly speaking.
Before she could continue questioning, the blond is swept up by the cart titan, Y/n knocked onto her back, exhausted and dizzy from these past few days. Bertolt’s death, Ymir’s disappearance, all of it and yet her teary eyes begged for him to explain before he’d proven that he’d really been a fraud. Not the brave soldier he made himself out to be, the caring big brother figure they all depended on.
Reiner forced his aching body off the bed to go get ready for work.
It’s cold, quick and thoughtless. Everyone began their theories on her crazed behaviour, the speculations had caused her to end up in a cell for questioning as her superiors thought she had connections with the armoured due to their romantic connection. The questioning had been anything but humane, like the answers were designed to be desperate lies spurred out to stop the torture.
Reiner had no idea, she tells herself, bleeding only enough to hurt. He probably didn’t know they’d harm her like that, torture her to get information they knew she didn’t have, it was all useless. As two weeks passed, she was a mess, whimpering weakly as the door opens, expecting this to be her final day.
“I’ll ask you one last time,” He grabbed a chunk of her hair and tilted her head forward, her hand tied to the chair. “Who are you to the armoured titan?”
“Nothi”- a raspy shriek cuts through the silence of the stone walls as her pinky falls to the floor with a squirt of blood following suit. Her vision blurs through the dull agony, everything hurts and yet, she can’t focus where. On his grating voice as the interrogator questions, as Hange watches from outside, having the bravery to look worried for her.
Jean and Mikasa had gathered up with a few of their friends to plead her innocence, begging Hange to release the Ackerman, assuring her innocence. She wasn’t a traitor, just a fool in love with one.
There’s a lack of sound that unsettles Hange, perhaps she had succumbed to the injuries inflicted on her. However, given the knowledge she has on Ackermans, it’ll take far more than that to kill them which is unfortunate for Y/n. The infirmary feels like torture, hands on her gently wiping blood feel similar to the ones that inflicted agony.
The food is left untouched, it isn’t until the third tray that Jean has enough. “You think this’ll change anything?!” He storms into the room furiously, Y/n glances up, softening at a familiar face. It fades as quick as it came, wondering if he had been a part of those who rumoured her connection to the enemy.
“Y/n we need you alive, you’re one of the best we have.” He took her hand, finding the ring and pinky gone. His throat ran dry at the sight, realising how many cuts really decorate her face when she tilted it up to him. “Not too sure anymore,” she rasped, as if she wasn’t in hell a day ago. “Don’t wanna fight… not really.” She leaned back into the pillows that do little for her sore spine.
“Y/n, you have to forget Reiner, there are people”-
“Reiner didn’t do this to me.” She interrupted sharply, hurt glistening through her eyes. “I… wanna hunt him down and force him to explain himself still.” She tearily added. Jean sits by her bed and remains there until she slept, making sure every nightmare was met with a soothing hush that barely worked each time.
Reiner was oblivious, thinking she’d have found a better man, that her life would remain safe at the hands of all their friends that cared for her and him. His heart bled for those days, constantly trying to rewind time to stop himself from going down the path of that stupid mission.
It isn’t until Marley is attacked that he caught a glimpse of the scouts, collapsing from fatigue in his titan form before he could truly find who his heart bled for. The cries and screams of civilians and the soulcrushing sound of Erens titan is all his ears could take before darkness overtook him.
The disaster is everywhere, dead bodies, blood, rubble and debris. Y/n glides through the air, hooking onto the armoured body when everyone is too busy finding the aircraft. She sliced the back open with efficiency, despite having only three fingers left on her dominant hand. Jean would kill her if he found out where she was.
A gasp escaped her mouth at the sight of his slumped body, capturing his back and hugging his torso. “Promised I’d punch you… if I saw you again,” her voice croaked, “but God…you’re…” the air constricted her chest at the sight of the mature man he’d become. She cups his cheek to tilt it further, feeling the scruffy beard he had on. “Love…” she sighs, realising it’s time to leave. Her lips peck his forehead before leaving him slumped, using her gear to fly through the destruction and find the aircraft.
Sleep was the last thing on her mind, after Sasha’s death, the destruction, witnessing him again. She needed air whilst Jean pleads with Mikasa to tell him what and why Eren had done what he did. Reiner smelt powdery, as though he’d been around an older woman, his mother hopefully. Anything to keep him sane, she knew he was turmoiled by the looks of his weight loss and wrinkles adorning his usually smug face.
He can’t see her, not in this state. Cuts deforming her face and body, where a future wedding ring would sit is gone, mangled off her body in what felt like agony only the devil could inflict. He can’t see her, not like this. She wouldn’t allow it. She storms off through everyone’s arguing to go wash away her lack of sleep, exhausted and at her wits end with all the arguments and death.
The time and words of her comrades are a blur, even when Armin and Mikasa evacuated the building with her, nagging about the cart titan escaping. Y/n jogs in the opposite directions on civilian duty, hoping she wouldn’t catch anyone with anything beyond a small scratch. Until she notices the child they held captive was running. Y/n breaks into a sprint.
“Gabi! Wait! It’s not safe!” She shrieks at the kid who makes a beeline for what looks like the large fallen body of a familiar titan.
Y/n’s breath catches in her throat when he falls, tearing up at how weak he was. She walks by Gabi and him and takes his arm, making the blond stare up, hazels stiffening at the sight of her. Scarred and malnourished. His hand quivers as he tries to touch her.
“W-What… n-no… Y/n, who-mfhhh.” He groans at the exhaustion deep within his bones, she carries his weight using his arm slung around her, letting Gabi lead them to a safe spot. “What happened… who… who did this to you?” He gritted his teeth in anger, too fatigued and teary to sound threatening,
Y/n remains silent and gently places him onto the bed, “baby, answer me”-
“I stopped being your baby when you pulled that shit, Reiner.” She snaps, knowing if she looked at him, she’d crumble. “You abandoned me and they all had their chunk of me to play with.” Her brows knit as she held back the dam of trauma. “Thought I’d been working with you…”
He grips her hand, trying to ignore his fury and hurt at the injured hand, lacking two fingers, one he planned on decorating when they loved each other. “I had no choice, love…” at the sound of his sincerity she craned her head at him, the cuts more visible again, they tortured her, they cut her up and beat her into the shadow she thought she once was.
“What have they done…” his eyes fill with tears again, realising it was his fault again. He’d ruined her and he got to return safe and sound. What did she get besides betrayal from her allies.
She dizzily swayed before joining him, too weak to care anymore. She hadn’t eaten or slept in what felt like a decade. “Don’t get all cuddly I still hate you,” she said, yet he engulfed her anyway, holding her to his chest. He’d been without human touch in forever, this settled the weight in his heart and made it so she fell asleep instantly, uncaring to the disaster outside this little house. Reiner holds her face to keep it tilted up, eyes filling with tears. He’d done this to her, he knew what he’d done at shiganshina had caused this. So swept up in defending him and keeping him safe she accidentally ensured a dark destiny for herself,
The others come in and stare at her cuddling him in shock, she was an insomniac with an impossible schedule of screaming at night due to night terrors which caused her to stop sleeping full nights to avoid waking the others. Annie paused her movements and cleared her throat before vigorously shaking them. “Reiner… Y/n, up.”
She stirred against his chest, not ready to find all of them staring at her cuddling the enemy. She clumsily sat up and out of his arms, eyes red from exhaustion as she uses the wall for stability. “He grabbed me,” she lied frantically. Reiner sits up and descends into further shock at the sight of Annie, the poor man going mad today.
“We’re going to save the world,” Connie says, making Y/n cock a brow.
That camp fire felt like a fever dream, surrounded by the scouts and the traitors from Marley. Y/n hadn’t had the stomach to sit by Reiner after cuddling him in that house. She brushed it off as a stupid thing she did out of exhaustion and helped Hange with the stew, clinging to the older woman’s side. She felt safer around her than she did with anyone else.
“These aren’t old?” She whispers to the captain, “potatoes don’t get old Y/n,” Hange grins at the younger woman and stirs. Y/n doesn’t have the heart to listen to Mikasa and Annie threaten to fight each other, Eren and his disgusting plans. Who knew it would come to this, mimicking the enemies ways. After Gabi and Falco, her soldier spirit returned, feeling like she wanted to protect and serve again.
“I feel sick,” she said after a few bites, “I’m gonna go into the woods but you guys continue this…” she gestures her hands around whilst Yelena brings up the pass. “Don’t go too far…” Reiner has the bravery to speak. “I think”-
“Let me join you, Miss Ackerman,” Falco stands and walks over to her, “My, what a little gentleman you are,” she chuckles and makes her way down the path, not too far to breathe some fresh air away from the tension and arguments. Talking to him calms her down and she manages to soothe the dread in her belly.
“Did you love Mr Braun, miss?”
“Call me Y/n, Falco. I’m not that old.” She offers him a swig of her water, the blond boy rejects gently and they sit there for a while. “Rein was… well… we’re just two idiots.” Her cheeks warm up the more she remembers sneaking into his barracks and hiding under the sheets so no one realises she’d broken in to cuddle him. Reading him a novel series she remembered being rare and difficult to find within the walls. It was a book commander Erwin eyed but never spoke about.
“But I’m not sure I ever met anyone who thought rationally whilst being in love,” another swig follows, the water cooling the heat in her torso. Falco’s eyes shone in the moonlight as if she put something he’d thought about in words. “Is that a thing, Miss Ackerman? With all people?”
“That’s what you hear about in the books anyway”- they bought pause at the sound of fists connecting. Y/n shoots up and jogs down the path, her heart sinking. The anxiety calming exercises were all in vain when she finds Jean beating Reiner.
“Jean!” She shrieks for the first time in years, rushing to pull him back but Hange grabs her, shaking her head. Connie and Armin beat her to it but theres no stopping the large man, until, his boot connects with Gabi’s little body. Falco worriedly checks her over and begged Jean to stop.
Y/n’s terror filled gaze follows Jean who tearily stormed off, hands held to his ears as his usual mechanism for when he’s upset and frantic. Her first instinct is to kneel besides the bleeding blond. “Rei…” she winced whilst laying him onto his side so he wouldn’t choke on his blood. Her arm squeezed gently at his bicep, his weight loss makes him feel stiff and corpse like. He was in his final years as a titan shifter and it only hits her now. So easily beaten and bruised.
“He’s okay,” she says as though to comfort Gabi and herself. Her fingers comb his hair, the more she listened into the lines is when she realised what pushed Jean to beat him.
“What are you…?” she whispered, hurt and confused by this man. A monster trying to be soft, or a softie trying to be a monster?
The next courses of action block her mind from the lack of sleep last night. At least everyone else had their energy. Witnessing Reiner and Annie transform was all she needed to keep going, entrusting the two to push the mission forward. The scouts may have put her through horror and the Marleyans may be scum but kids like Falco and Gabi deserve a future.
Her fighting is rusty, requiring work after all that time remaining on civil duties, a reward granted by Hange after the wrongful torture she went through. After shooting the Yeagerist pointing the barrel at Mikasa, she glances up at the sound of ODM wire, the end of a gun pointed down at her. A large armoured fist swoops in and knocks the yeagerist down with a splat.
Y/n nods up at him and joins Mikasa to get to the main land. Reiner uses the armour to block attacks whilst Annie swiftly takes down the flyers. It all seemed perfect up until the missiles launched into Reiner’s head, making Y/n thrust upwards to stop them from finishing them off. Her sword cuts through the flesh almost falling victim to fatal blows due to the injuries of her hand. The grip loosens in a sudden second, adrenaline wearing off.
Connie snatches her off the building and away from the ship where Floch fumbles his blow and lands in the sea, red dissipating in the deep blue.
The fight costs them energy and minor injuries. But knowing they still have two Ackerman’s and titan shifters, the journey ahead won’t be so nauseating.
Y/n cranes her head down whilst helping Reiner walk, still hiding the scars on her face. The blond wearily smiles, “you don’t need to help me, Y/n I’m fine,” she nods and lets go, he reaches for her shoulders and attempts at tilting her head up. Awkwardly, she glances up, unable to make eye contact with her flaws on full display.
“Are you okay… I saw you get hit a couple times”-
She fumbles for words, “nothing I can’t handle…” her hands gently land on his. This fight made her realise she can’t bear to witness him leave her, not again. Years of isolation and insomnia only to be returned with the one person she could be herself around. His face makes her tear up. “You must think I’m deformed…”
“No… what? Y/n that’s the last thing I think of when I see you,” he firmly says, squeezing her shoulders with his calloused hands. “I think that I’d grab whoever did this and crack their spine open…”
She smiles through sniffles. “I haven’t witnessed you fight man to man in a while… or ever really.”
“Well I’d do it, just as long as it made you feel safer,” he wearily grins, trying to reassure even though he’s not too sure about this. It’ll probably kill him but his life is worth the cost, he was a big contributor to this chaos and needed to pay up.
For a moment, it feels like riding calmly down the cobbled roads with him again, trying his beautiful black stallion whilst he settled on your boring old brown horse. Finally, she tucks her face over his chest and settles in for warmth she starved herself of, “is it okay?”
“More than okay…” he sighs and gently rubs her back. “You won’t be suffering anymore, love…” Reiner whispers, “I promise I’ll try and push for your future, for Gabi…”
“You won’t be in my future?” She asks with knitted brows, these past years without him were lonely enough despite everyone’s efforts to earn her trust again. Jean, Mikasa and Connie had gotten it back, but her heart grew empty and hollow without Reiner to shine it. He was the missing paternal piece she can’t live without.
“You want me to?” He pauses his hand motions. Her face warms, whispering hoarsely, “I mean… you used to promise me about a wedding.”
His hardened brows soften, “I did, didn’t I?” Reiner pulls back a little, “you want me after everything I’ve done?”
“We all had to do horrific shit, Rei… you of all people should know that,” she grabs his face and forces him to look at her. “That day you betrayed us I knew you fought yourself the hardest. You’re thin, exhausted and wrinkly”-
“Hey”-
“All I’m saying is it’s obvious you tortured yourself… but that isn’t what we need, we need you to fight even after it’s over,” Y/n desperately grabs his shirt, “I need you… Rein don’t fucking leave me again… I can’t sleep at night, I can’t even sit still!” She shakily whispers, a few beads running down her flushed cheeks.
Two round pools of hazel watch in pity at what he’d created, his thumb swiping off a tear against the scar on her cheek and pulls her carefully in. The Ackerman remains as soft as an egg in the inside.
The rumbling had gotten too far but the alliance managed to put an end to it before humanity was wiped off the face of this godforsaken planet. The moment she realised her powers were gone, that the titans were no more, she collapsed sobbing, wishing she could see Ymir, Hange or Sasha again. Reiner was with his mom, she stared tearily at the floor, empty and unsure what to do now that it was all over.
The alliance had formed a peace council that she had become a part of and yet, she rarely shows up. Her job was demanding, requiring focus and constant need to help civilians and now, she’s free to relax. Yet all this has done for her is haunt memories of that cell again. Unable to sleep even now.
“You two are getting married?” Pieck smiles fondly at the cute invitation letter. Reiner nods and smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eye.
“You don’t seem too happy.” Jean glares, threatening. “She can’t function by herself at home,” he finally spits it out, “Y/n can’t sleep, can’t eat, she’s always crying every night.”
Jean and Mikasa eye each other, Connie joining in and Armin remains quiet. “We know… we could hear it during our scout days.” She sighs, “like she was being tortured down the hall”-
“Except for the fact she was!” He snaps, “how could you let that happen to her?!”
Armin shakes his head in disbelief, “Reiner you’re the reason she was snatched up, everyone thought her romantic connection to you made her a suspect!” He argues, leaving no room for a comeback. “Jean and I tried our hardest, Sasha got in trouble once for attempting to steal the keys off one of the officers we all tried!”
Reiner rubs his temples, unsure the Ackerman would make it to her own wedding at this rate, “I’m having to leave Gabi and Falco at home with her to make sure she doesn’t do anything rash.”
Pieck gives him a solemn look, Y/n and her bonded over their shared love of the book series she’d read to Reiner back in the walls, finding out it was originally Marleyan. Only one piece of the series had been smuggled in which caused her to reread it again and again. Pieck let her borrow the rest of it.
“I can take this week off to stay with her.” She reassures him. Reiner shakes his head, “I might have to… I’m her fiancee, it’s sort of my job.” He sighs sadly, unsure what to do for her.
Reiner returns home with a bunch of books he’d purchased from the East, knowing she loved dark fantasy’s about dragons and knights the most. “Love…” he calls out. “I’m home!” He climbs up the stairs after hearing no response, heart thudding in terror at what she could be doing.
By the grace of God, she was on her side, sleeping with his favourite sweater on. He exhales and almost collapses from fear. Observing the room, he finds a bottle of medicine that she might’ve gotten from a doctor. Whatever it was, must’ve knocked her to sleep through any nightmare. He sits by the head and pets her arm, staring at the ring on her index. She preferred to keep it on her injured hand, for accuracy she said.
He sighed and fondly tucked her in. “Sleep, baby.”
It isn’t until he starts on dinner that he can sense movement in the house. Both Y/n and Mikasa reported becoming clumsier after losing their powers, which only makes him abandon the stove and go upstairs to the woman. To his surprise, she’s just bathing, glancing up with wide eyes.
“You’re back?” She asks, hair dampening from the bath she’s in. He walks over and squats by the tub. “Came this afternoon, honey.” He sighs and grabs her hand, squeezing it. “Never seen you sleep so soundly.”
Quickly, she fumbles for what she’d taken, Reiner knows, of course he does. “It was this… drug, I think your momma recommended it? Said she used to give it to you when you were a kid.” He sighs and rubs his temples. “Don’t rely on it, it’ll hurt you,”
The washcloth is soft and warm in her hands, the suds trickling down her scars. “Right… yeah, love…”
He stands and nods, “I made dinner tonight,” Reiner says with a proud smile. She stops lathering soap into the cloth and teases, “You can cook?”
“You can?” He cockily throws back her words, happy at the sound of her laugh. “I wasn’t too bad when I was on kitchen duty during our scout days. “Neither was I.” He shrugs smugly.
They share a small knowing smile. “I’ll be down soon.”
