Ways to make everyone instantly uncomfortable: If someone casually mentions some apparently commonly known fact that you hadn’t heard of before, you can always say “oh, that’s a real thing? I thought that it was just a porn trope.”
My friend had no idea the southern hemisphere had opposite seasons until I told him (we are both adults)
I think I would’ve died on the spot if this had been his response.
I imagine there’s been at least two christmas-themed New Zealand porn films featuring sex on the beach, but the implication that there’d be enough to make up their own genre, and have it be someone’s favourite genre to the point that they assume that the circumstances are just a porn trope, would have killed me on the spot also.
Cause of Death: finding out your friend is so into such a hyperspecific brand of NZ porn they believed the axial tilt of our planet was made up for said porn.
It’s probably too long to go on a tombstone, but I’d say least make sure it got into the obituary.
Make the text on the tombstone get smaller and smaller every row like the person carving it realised halfway through that they’re running out of space but still decided to keep going.
Why do you guys think tombstones have cause of death on them?
petition to bring back saying “huzzah!” when something goes your way and “alas.” when it doesn’t
in hindsight, pitching something that would be deemed a fair bit strange by some standards to a site teeming with already incredibly strange people was a mistake. apologies tumblr users i’d forgotten where i was
what people dont get about divorces is the Whole Thing About Dogs
i have written custody plans for labrador retrievers more complex than i have for children. i went to four years of undergrad, three years of law school, and sat for the bar exam to write up custody exchange provisions for dogs with hyphonated last names
my clients are paying $295 an hour for me to go to court and litigate who makes veterinary decisions for Chuckles the Goldfish and theres literally nothing i can do to stop them
framing these tags and hanging them up in my office to remind me that it can always be worse
I’ve slowly been chipping away at drawing scenes from that imaginary Muppet retelling of the Princess Bride, figured it was about time to share what I’ve drawn on Tumblr!
The Gimli Glider is one of those stories where every aspect sounds more fake than the last and yet it all actually happened.
-A passenger plane was underloaded with fuel because Canada had just converted to the metric system and everyone supposed to double check their numbers got it wrong. -When the plane ran out of fuel they were too far away to make it to an in-service airport and had to head towards the Gimli military base. Which was shuttered. -They were coming in to fast due to a lack of flaps control and had to perform a series of slips (as shown in the video above) to slow down, basically drifting a giant passenger plane. -As they come down they realized that just because Gimli’s been decommissioned doesn’t mean it’s abandoned because a bunch of people are having drag races on the runway they’re about to need. -Despite everything they managed to land safely and no one was killed or even hurt which is why it’s one of the best air disasters to meme on.
The Wikipedia page on this is fantastic and my favorite line from it is “Flying with all engines out was never expected to occur, so it had never been covered in training.”
cold as fuck out is anyone else experiencing this? [remembers i should be inclusive to my southern hemisphere followers currently experiencing spring-summer weather] hot as fuck out is anyone else experiencing this?
it’s fucking TEMPERATURE out there. TEMPERATURE with a side of WEATHER.
