so lately i’ve been having so much fun and quite the peaceful life; work is going well and my life is progressing slowely but steadly
there’s a lot of stuff i want to do but because i’m a lazy person and also i procastinate a lot that most of the stuff i want to do are still in review mode and i need to start working on them
i need to find a solution on how to start them and how i can manage my time and also overcome my shyness and the fear of rejection and judgement so that i can start something big that i always want to do
about my love life, well it’s a desert, there’s nothing and all men on this earth are becoming more and more not fiting for relationship or even for marriage
i’m having a crush on someone lately but it’s not progressing because each of us live in another country and this guy don’t want to think or have a long distance friendsip let alone relationship; but what’s funny is each time i go back to my country and meet; we have quite the cute interaction but im gonna put in mind that it’ only because hes nice to everyone and he’s treating me like any girls he knows which make me sad but that’s life
i’m gonna keep thisb crush for a little while but who knows maybe it can work maybe not , it’s just for me to have something interesting and not feel a little lonely
well it’s 2025 and the last time i wrote here was in 2022 and it was the year that i decided to change country and moved to france, which a lot has happened and there was so much pain and suffering but at least now i’m at peace and i’m grateful for all my friends and loved one who stayed by my side in my tough time
life wasn’t easy when i changed everything , like i left everything i had in my country and moved to another one to work and find a new meaning for my life, stuggle after struggle, pain after pain but in the end , you will find peace when you stop caring about everything around you
i used to be super depressed person and when i get anxious or depressed i tend to push people away which can effect my friendships and even relationships, but i’m happy to learn that now i’m more happy and accepting everyone around me as who they are with their differences and opinions , but one things always keep me wonder and will never understand and it’s love , i guess i never loved anyone and its always attachement that i present in all my relationship because when you spend so much time with one person and you get attached to them , fears of not losing that familiarity, i tend to do the impossibile to keep it and even give all i have to that person but in the end they left me and its always the same sentence of : i no longer have feeling for you and i like your friend
that one always huts me to the brim and it’s hard to over come because first you lose the person and then you lose the friendship with the other person so now i’m okay with losing both if they don’t respect me so it was easy moving on , i still hate the feeling and the lost time i had with them but at least they came we created some good memories and its time to move on to other stuff
now i’m 30 and i don’t feeling that much change from my 20s so i guess i just need to work more harder to achieve what i love to have in life and if one day i can find love i won’t say no because i’m traumatize ut i should just not get attached and call it love , you need to know the person and check all of his personalities and know if you are welling to accept some of the res flags they have or you should leave it and move to other things
i hope one day i can find the person who love me for who i am and make me want to be better person and give me the power and motivation to always seek bigger things in life and we can be the help of each other to achieves alot of things :D
I’ve given up on love. This idea that someone would burn the world for you. The kind that transcends time, space, even death. The kind that makes you sacrifice and abandon all rational thought. The kind that lasts through the ages. That love isn’t real. It’s written about in our books and movies. It’s a tall tale, a trance of magic that has long been forgotten. That love doesn’t exist. And the worst part is, I crave it, long for it, yearn for it, but I know I’ll never receive it.
“I want deeper connections with the people around me. I need to reach out more. Because not everyone leaves. Sometimes if you reach out, the person you’re trying to reach will be right there waiting.”
