I identify the most with the woman who has a green velvet ribbon around her neck and keeps being like "DONT untie my neck ribbon or something really bad will happen" and then her husband unties the ribbon and her head falls off. this is extremely real to me. spent my whole life like "please don't do this thing to me or really bad stuff will happen" and everyone around me being like "that sounds fake" and doing it anyway. and then my head fell off!

this is killing me

i hate looking at the thermometer and seeing some fuckass number like 2

come the fuck on

if the Black Panthers were reading theory with people who the white supremacist state attempted to keep illiterate, I think theory is a lot more accessible than some folks would have you believe

libs will get online and say “leftists are classist for expecting people to read theory. obviously poor people are too stupid to read it” and sincerely think theyre woke

starting a collection

someone just literally interrupted me mid conversation to tell me “what wonderful big dark eyes i’ve got” and on the one hand extremely flattering that she couldn’t even wait until the end of my sentence to comment on this, on the other hand did she have to say it like im the big bad wolf

straightbreaking but we're taking a conservative tradwife type and teaching her the freeing wonders of feminism and lesbianism

i really love the phrase “with all due respect” because it doesn’t specify how much respect is due. could be none. bitch.

[guy confused about lesbian relationship voice]: okay ... so which one only tells lies?

I can clearly remember the moment I first realised my mother and I were living on completely different planes of existence. I was 7 years old and I came home from my school's first track and field day having placed second or third in every event. the teachers had been making jokes all afternoon about how many times they had to call my name. my friends thought I was cool as shit. my enemies thought I was cool as shit too, come to think of it. I was proud as hell. so I get home with the entire front of my shirt covered in ribbons like I was a military dictator who'd awarded himself every medal, I walk into the kitchen and tell my mum all about my day, and she goes "oh, that must be disappointing not getting any firsts." and I'm like no?? first of all the first place ribbons are red and I don't like red. second of all look at me. there's literally nowhere left on my body for accolades. I am fucking Jacked of All Trades. how could this possibly be a disappointment.