*plastic crinkling audibly* heathcliff it's me

Wait, this is from the upcoming Wuthering Heights movie?!?! Oh, this is going to be gloriously unhinged and nothing like the novel. I can’t wait.

I was explaining bi and trans erasure/phobia in the gay community to my mum and she was outraged and burst out “WHAT DO THEY THINK IT STANDS FOR? LESBIANS, GAYS, BICYCLES AND TRICYCLES?!” and I don’t think I’ll forget that until my dying day.

Data is going to fuck shit up!!!

Data really said ‘maybe violence IS the answer’

My boy data realized that debate was not going to work and saved the lives of over 15,000 people by blowing up an aqueduct with a handheld weapon.

He was all “you see that shit? I’m just one dude and I destroyed the only source of water your colony has with a PISTOL. The fucking Sheliak are on their way and you really want to fight them? They won’t even need to send a robot down here with a phaser. They’ll just bomb you from orbit. Now do you want to stick to your ‘we’ll fight them off!’ plan or do you want to START PACKING AND GET OFF THIS ROCK BEFORE THE ANGRY ALIENS MAKE IT RAIN LASERS AND ANTIMATTER BOMBS?” and the colonists are like “well when you put it that way… Maybe we should get ready to move.”

Meanwhile Picard is playing some 4D diplomatic chess so they’ll have time to get the colonists off the planet, and he pulls it off brilliantly. The Sheliak are deadset on colonizing in 4 days and if they find any humans on that rock, they’re killing then. It’ll take weeks to evacuate them. Picard is looking through every line of the treaty, looking for loopholes, and finding nothing. The Sheliak are a race of lawyers. They don’t make mistakes. But Picard thinks outside the box.

He calls up the Sheliak. “hey, we’re having a disagreement, right? We want you to delay a few weeks, you want to colonize this planet, we can’t reach an agreement. Well the treaty says that we can get a third party to arbitrate this problem, can we do that?”

The Sheliak are like “yeah sure but they’re gonna rule in our favor, that contract is perfect.”

And Picard smiles his ass off and goes “OK GREAT for the third party I’m picking the Grizzelas.”

And the Sheliak lose their shit. The Grizzelas are a race that hibernate. They’re gonna be in hibernation for SIX MORE MONTHS. But according to the treaty, Picard gets to pick who will arbitrate the disagreement.

Picard’s like “I see you’re not happy about my choice. How about I agree to skip arbitration for a small favor? How about… Three weeks to evacuate that colony?”

And the Sheliak are like “OK FINE YOU WIN, SHINY-HEAD. YOU GET YOUR THREE DAMN WEEKS.”

I just love the episode. Data saves the day by realizing that sometimes debate isn’t enough and you need violence. Picard saves the day by rules-lawyering a race of lawyers and avoiding violence.

at my old job i had a coworker who was tired and made a coffee with like 6 or 8 shots of espresso and i just casually went up to them like “are you trying to meet god?” and not only was this absolutely hilarious to them but they brought it up in future conversations they thought it was so funny but to me this was just as casual as saying “woah that’s a lot of coffee”

Being funny on Tumblr and then going to be funny in real life is like traveling to a foreign country and baby the currency exchange rate is biased in your favor