Like, to start you have to understand how much of kink is role-playing as "archetypes". Or, like, bringing the signifiers of those archetypes to the surface? Ageplay wields and plays with the signifiers of childhood, worshipplay wields and plays with the signifers of worship, if your kink is pirates, you're gonna be concerned with the signifiers of pirates.
At the same time, of course, you'll see me commonly make the argument that delving deeper than signifiers into an understanding of the substance makes kinks hotter and better. This is, to me, because signifier-heavy interpretations can feel shallow. Paper-thin. Of course a skilled roleplayer can make them come to life nonetheless, but I think frequently that's done by making allusion to and understanding deeper substance.
Anyway, that said, I have a weird relationship with misogyny kink. I've known a decent few kinksters over the years into it, but it's one of the more hated and disliked kinks among transfems on tumblr. In fact, it's not the only kink like this, but it's the easiest one to talk about.
First, the common critique. I think two of the most common complaints I've seen go something like: "It's not a kink, it's just normal reality" and "It's a kink that reifies social norms". I don't like these complaints at all!
I mean, I think the first one is fine-ish. It's an argument about language. My real issue is that I don't like the idea that kinks are inherently deviant. I tend to understand kink as more a language of eroticism than a point of deviation. Frankly, I'm not sure kinks are ever really truly "deviant" in the way they're sometimes idealized as. Your incest might subvert the family but it still draws from the power of it.
The second one frustrates me more. I feel pretty strongly that kink, at least our practice of it, doesn't support or sustain the practices we illustrate. I think that kink in large part functions to help us work through emotions, to understand ourselves, to find catharsis, to get off and have a good time. The idea that kink is somehow dangerous, that by performing dynamics we're empowering them? That's an idea everyone loves to wield against us, actually.
All that said, you might think that I'm generally a fan of misogyny kink. I like to think I understand the eroticism of it, and I've seen really crunchy scenes and play with it that I like, but I admit I'm not really the fan of the average misogyny kink blog. That's for one simple reason:
Like, they're commonly maledom blogs which are basically pest animal. They have a poor understanding of boundaries and are difficult to differentiate from spam bots with how uncreative they are and how much stolen porn they reblog. They're just annoying.
I don't think you actually need more than that (especially when the complex reasons you give suck), but I damaged a relationship earlier by speaking too much and I'm not about to learn to shut up now, so let's elaborate more.
To start, misogyny kink is, as I commonly see it, an example of "taboo" kink of which part of the appeal is public embarrassment. Uh. For the sake of terminology, let's call these "public taboo kinks."
This is a broad category of kinks that are interested in an idea or mode of presentation that is seen as in poor taste or taboo. Further, generally the subject has a deeper fascination or interest in the taboo, and part of the eroticism is derived from the willful (or forced) performance of it in public. Incest kinks, feet kinks, sissy kinks, detrans kinks. Generally all the "loudest" kinks you see will occasionally occupy this category.
I think this might be the part of why "not subversive" is held up as a valid critique. There's this idea that "actually misogyny isn't taboo, it's normal". Which like. I mean, I guess, but willful performance of misogyny is at least a little taboo in some circles. There's usually a level to which "publicly doing misogyny" is seen as wrong. Of course as MRA movements are popular right now, this isn't always the case.
I think that the kind of expected public visibility of 'public taboo kinks' can be a valid target of critique. I think that, within this, the best critiques are like. That they're bad at kink? That they're not operating with a safe in scene out of scene barrier. That they try to bring others into the dynamic without prior negotiation (i don't mean "showing people the kink". I mean "dming and interacting with other users posts in character without negotiation.") I also think that public taboo kinks occasionally can get to a point where the in scene out of scene barrier becomes invisible, which requires reevaluating your exploration of the kink. 'Cause at that point, it kinda ceases to be kink. I think this is the best version of the "that's not kink" argument. Generally, though, I think blogs that are all in on a kink like this have to be approaching it from a perspective you understand and agree with to be enjoyable for you.
But then, uh, what really gets me is that:
I really, really, really don't like the "loud, bratty, under-sexed, privileged feminist" trope. It's so common in so much media these days. I drop things on the spot when I see it. This kind of tsundere "just needs to meet a man" woman who espouses loud apparently feminist beliefs and is disproven or disrespected for it. Like. This is the most common portrayal of feminists in media. This is what people, especially men, think of when they hear 'feminist'. Someone who is safe to ignore, who's got weird ideas, who will grow out of it. This is by design! This fucking sucks! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!
And, with basically every misogyny kink blog I see, this is the signifier of misogyny they're interested in exploring. This idea, this space, this trope.
I mean, I know you can do misogyny kink without this trope. Misogyny is so much more interesting and complicated than vocal anti-feminism. I mean, like, if you want to explore misogyny, read feminist theory first. I think misogyny kink can be a very deeply terrifying kind of power kink. Exploring omnipresent structures, epistemic inequalities, and so much more. The casualness of it alone? It's one of the deepest and most ingrained power dynamics in our society. There's so much interesting stuff to do with that.
But noooo you gotta focus on shutting up feminist caricatures. Boring!!!!
Anyway, I'm not particularly interested in misogyny kink, so I probably won't cover this topic again, but I think it's an interesting toy example to talk through a few ideas I like and discuss the other analysis I've seen of the topic.
